StrangleMania VIII

[President Mac]

StrangleMania is to EWC as the World Cup is to FIFA, Super Bowl is to the NFL, the World Series is to MLB, the Stanley Cup Finals is to the NHL, and the NBA Finals is to the NBA in the sense that it is the most important event of the year in sports entertainment.

It is truly "The Grandaddy of Them All" or "The Showcase of the Immortals"

Although this is only the 8th Recognized StrangleMania event, SM has long been running through the 13 years of the organization and this years event is considered by many in the industry to be the 13th annual event of the show

This years event sees 5 matches scheduled with over 20 wrestlers set to take part in the event. The Giant Arena in Hershey Pennsylvania will be the host to thousands in attendence and millions more watching on pay-per-view. While the event itself has been sold out for well over a month, it's not too late to order on Pay-Per-View

For the first time ever, StrangleMania will be broadcast in all major movie theaters in North America and in Europe.


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THE FLASHBACK PRE-SHOW




*FLASHBACK STRANGLEMANIA I*

Rock comes right back with a spinning kick. Rocky with a big boot that sends Bigmac flying off the ring apron. Rock throws Bigmac back in the ring and connects with a body splash. Rock launches Bigmac into the corner with force. Rock repeats this and Bigmac favors his back. Rock connects with a big thrust shot to the throat of Bigmac. Rock with a big scoop slam on Bigmac followed by a body splash attempt that Bigmac dodges. Rock goes back to work on Bigmac's neck. Bigmac gets to his feet and fights off Rock. Rock comes right back with a huge spinebuster on Bigmac, followed by the Peoples Elbow!!!!

MC: Put a fork in him, Mac is done!

RJ: No matter what anyone says Bigmac came out here and gave us one hell of a show

MC: He was an unsuspecting replacement for Memphis, he hasn't had any experience and he brought The Rock to the edge and gave one hell of a fight, but it looks as if...wait a minute...oh my GOD!

RJ: BIGMAC JUST KICKED OUT!!! NO ONE HAS EVER KICKED OUT AFTER THE PEOPLES ELBOW WAS LANDED!!!

MC: Mac is pointing to the sky! What does that mean?

RJ: It's the MacAttack!

MC: The what?

RJ: THE MACATTACK!!!

MC: Here is the PIN!!!

REF: 1




2...






3...


MC: MY GOD! MY GOD! MY GOD!

RJ: Ladies and Gentleman that are watching at home! Write this date down: March 30, 1997, at Madison Square Garden...The Rock has lost HIS FIRST MATCH! His streak is over at 19 Wins! and a draw! That draw came to Bigmac in his debut match and now...Mac has stunned the world and BEAT THE ROCK!

MC: Bigmac in only his third match in HardCoreWrestling has just won the World Heavy Weight Title and ended the winning streak of our greatest hero, The Rock!

RJ: What a night this has been ladies and gentleman, what a night! I can't wait to see what happens tomorrow night on Monday Night Massacre!!!







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*FLASHBACK STRANGLEMANIA II*

JR: Now this is just amazing, not only did Diablos win the United States Championship tonight, but he also retained his Tag Team Titles with BigMac and now he is going to be taking on FBI for the EwC World Heavy Wieght Championship!

*LATER ON*

JR: He did it! 3 Matches in one night, Diablos is the EwC's first ever wrestler to hold 3 titles at one time. My goodness what a night for Diablos!







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*FLASHBACK STRANGLEMANIA III*

Shadow Man puts Darius in the tree of woe and baseball slide dropkicks him in the face. Shadow Man follows up with a chair to Darius's mid section. Shadow Man puts Darius in the tree of woe again. Darius gets out and hits Shadow Man with a surprise superkick for a one count.

Shadow Man kicks a chair into Darius's face. Darius's hair is now red from all the blood. Shadow Man sets up a table beside the ropes. Shadow Man dropkicks the table into Darius sending him out of the ring onto the runway

Shadow Man then sets up a table in the middle of the runway and puts Darius ontop of it. Shadow Man then leaves.

FBI – Where the hell is he going?

CH – I don’t know, but Darius might be dead

FBI – Wait a minute…is that…OH MY GOD!

CH – Double that…he’s nuts, he’s going to kill himself

***It is now apparent that Shadow Man is standing ontop of the opening about 25 feet above the ground. He motions to the crowed…the crowed is on it’s feet…the chants are heard all around the arena…Shadow Man leaps in the air…TWENTY FIVE FEET!!!!!!!

SMASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shadow Man lands right on Darius smashing the two of them through the table. The ref flies out of the ring like a bat out of hell and starts the count…the fans chant the count along with the ref

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2…










3….

The ref calls for some help as Shadow Man barely raises his arm in victory









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FLASHBACK STRANGLEMANIA 4

Jackal hit a big right hand, followed by another, and then hit a side kick to knock Ebon down. Jackal choked Ebon in the ropes but Ebon came back with a front face lock. Jackal escaped with shoulder thrusts and then sent Ebon into the turnbuckle head first. Jackal chopped Ebon in the corner and Ebon is bleeding from the mouth. Ebon came back with some right hands and then knocked Jackal down with an uppercut.

Ebon went outside and grabbed the EwC Title and then Tesi came in behind the referee’s back and hit a clothesline on Jeff and then Ebon covered for two! Jeff came back and sent Ebon over the top to the outside and now Jackal is back up and locked in the Bite Hold on Jeff in the middle of the ring!

The Finish:
Ebon got on the apron and Jackal dropkicked him back down and then locked the Bite Hold in on Jeff! Ebon then came in and rolled Jackal up for two and then went for the KFTO. Jackal shoved Ebon off, and Jeff picked him up for the Eye of the Hurricane, and then knocked Jackal down with Ebon’s legs and delivered the Eye of the Hurricane for the win!


Winner and new EwC Champion, Hurricane Jeff


Explosions went off all over the arena and confetti fell all over the ring and the stands as "Coma" by Guns N' Roses blasted on the P/A. Hurricane Jeff can’t believe it! He is the new Undisputed Champion of the World and the International Champion all in one night! The entire MNB Roster came down to the ring to celebrate and hoiste Jeff high in the air. Jackal snuck out of the ring clearly upset










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FLASHBACK STRANGLEMANIA 5


Nunez and Moses are now standing on top of the cage, exchanging punches and chops.

Moses pokes Nunez in the eye and grabs the hanging title and hits Nunez in the head with it. Nunez stumbles to the edge of the cage. Moses walks over and starts punching Nunez and Nunez is ready to fall off.

Nunez is barely hanging on. Moses takes a step back and goes for one final punch, but Nunez scoops Moses up on his shoulders and then walks over to the edge of the 3rd cage and gives Moses the Resurrection off the 3rd cage and down to the 2nd Cage, but Moses goes through the 2nd cage and lands on the table that he set up earlier.

The fans all jump out of their seats. A Holy s**t chant starts.

A That was awesome chant starts.

Hanks: OH MY GOD!

MM: He just killed Moses!

Jesse Looks down at Moses and can’t believe the fall Moses just took.

Jesse looks up and see’s the title. He cant belive it...he is about to be the EWC CHAMPION!!!!

Jesse looks back down to see a motionless Moses Lake...then looks at all the fans. His eyes are misty now...he stagers and then looks back at the belt but...

ITS GONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hanks: WHAT THE FUCK?

MM: LOOK OUT!!!!!!!!!

The EWC Championship belt comes swinging in mid air and knocks Jesse right in the face causing him to loose his ballance and drop all the way down to lie side by side with Moses Lake

Hanks: MY GOD! WHO WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPEND

Suddenly, a figure is seen sliding down the wire that is holding the title belt high above the cage...it's BDC!!!!!!!!!

MM: Oh my good lord!

Hanks: It's BDC, its BDC, its BDC!!!!

BDC: So this is what the EWC Championship looks like hey? Well...I am going to take this baby with me...

BDC Takes the belt off of the cable

BDC: I am cashing in my MITB right here and RIGHT NOW!!!

Suddenly President Mac comes running out along with medics and security

Mac looks at the mess that is Jesse and Moses as they both still lay motionless...

MAC: BDC...you made a real mess of things...you can't claim the EWC Championship today...we didn't sign you to this match...

Looking at Moses and Nunez being carried off...then at all the fans...

MAC: But...I will do whats right...RUMBLE IN THE BRONX...MAIN EVENT...Nunez VS Moses Lake VS BDC...UNDISPUTED EWC CHampionship match!

BDC: Fine by me

The show fades as Nunez and Lake are put into the Ambulance and BDC still holding the world title while staring down President Mac



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FLASHBACK STRANGLEMANIA 6


MC: If Shadow Man wants to break the hold—he must grab the ropes.

MM: Yeah, and when that rope Is made out of barbed wire and lit on fire, it’s not wise to reach for that rope.

Shadow Man can’t take anymore—as he shakes his head. His hand looks to come down…


His hand hits the mat one time…








Two times…








Shadow Man stops to think about it…








NO! Shadow Man grabs the flamed barbed wire—as his hands nearly melt from the heat. Level-One uses his count, and refuses to break the hold. Shadow Man has no choice but to keep his hands on the barbed wire.

MC: Level-One is clenching it in for the 5 count, making Shadow Man burn his hand even further.

MM: Brilliant—Quick smarts is what wins or looses you these types of matches.

Level-One let’s go of the maneuver, as Shadow Man grabs his hand in pain. Level-One argues with the referee claiming he shouldn’t have to let go. Level-One slaps the ref across he face, before raising his middle finger to the fans in arena who boo Level-One loudly.

Level-One grabs hold of Shadow Man who struggles to stand on his own two feet due to the hard submission maneuver. Level-One hoists Shadow Man on his shoulders once again. Level-One hits Shadow Man with the Darkness Shine (F-5) both men collapse to the floor, as Level-One rolls him over for the pin!

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SHADOW MAN KICKS OUT! The crowd is off there feet screaming in amazement.

Level-One shakes his head violently. He looks at Shadow Man before screaming at him ‘’to stay the fuck down’’. Level-One looks like a broken man who simply cannot defeat the champion. Level-One lifts up Shadow Man again, and lifts him up for another F-5!

However this time—Shadow Man is able to land on his feet. Shadow Man kicks Level-One down low, and hits the GBC sending Level-One’s face straight into the mat! Shadow Man gets up, before looking at the fans and shaking his head before uttering the words ‘’that isn’t enough’’

MC: Shadow Man didn’t even go for the pin-fall.

MM: What the hell!?

Level-One springs to his feet, before wobbling around his two feet. Level-One falls to his knees as Shadow Man walks over, and hits yet another devastating GBC! Shadow Man rolls Level-One over with a pin.

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3!

MC: Shadow Man retains! What an amazing performance these two put on tonight.

MM: I have to give to Shadow Man; he showed the WORLD why he is the champion tonight.

The fans cheer loudly, as the EWC staff team put out the flames that surround the ring. Shadow Man is handed is World Heavyweight title, as he raises it above his head in victory. Level-One beaten and bruised looks up, at Shadow Man before pulling himself up to his feet. Level-One glares at Shadow Man who begins to walk away…

Level-One follows behind, before grabbing Shadow Man by his arm. Level-One spits out blood from his mouth—before offering a handshake to Shadow Man. The crowd cheers—and Shadow Man accepts. Shadow Man raises Level-One’s arm in victory, as both men hold the title in the air. FORCE is still alive!






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FLASHBACK STRANGLEMANIA 7


Max Carter: "It didn’t take long for Amy to make use of the chains."

Mystery Man: "I wouldn’t mind seeing Amy tied up in chains."

Moses was wobbling a little as Amy attempted to pull Moses to his feet. The weight difference was a little too much as Moses was like dead weight. Moses finally was starting to get to his feet and was able to move out of the way just in time as Amy attempted to land a roundhouse to the gut. Moses caught her foot and dragged her to the corner. Moses wrapped a chain around her leg before bunching the chain that connected them.

Mystery Man: "See Max, Moses is all about giving the people what they want."

Max Carter: "I don’t like the evil intentions that are in Moses eyes."

Moses raised the bunched up chain above his head and whipped Amy a couple of times before dropping the chain and walking over to the far corner only to be brought up short. Moses looked back to see that Amy was slowly starting to stir and had a hold of the chain. Moses stomped back over to Amy, grabbing a chain along the way and wound up to hit her in the midsection with it. Before Moses could swing down, Amy pulled hard on the chain causing it to be driven up into his groin.

Max Carter: "Looks like Moses won’t be having kids for a while."

Mystery Man: "I should bitch-slap you for saying that. She had no right to do that to Moses. He is a legend in this company and he deserves better treatment than that."

Moses fell to his knees in pain as Amy reached up and got her foot free of the chain. Amy fell to the ground with a thud and laid there for a moment letting the blood circulate through her body a little. Amy got to her feet and grabs Moses for a stunning DDT. Moses is motionless on the floor as Amy climb the nearest turnbuckle and went for a moonsault stomp.

Max Carter: "This should be the end of it."

Moses rolled out of the way just it time for him to catch her and slam her to the ground. Moses went to inflict more damage but Amy swept his legs out from under him before standing up. As Moses slowly made his to a kneeling position, Amy signaled that the end is coming. Once Moses was in a kneeling position, Amy smiled as she hit the Eureka and covered Moses.

Mystery Man: "I can’t believe it. This can’t be happening, not two PPV’s in a row. That just ain’t right. He should be walking out the champion, not on his back for the three count. This is no way to end a stellar career like Moses."

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"The winner of the match and still Unified World Heavyweight Championship….AMY ROSEN."


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[President Mac]

Warning:


Unauthorized broadcast or reproduction of the following copyright material is prohibited by law. All material is copyright of the Extreme Wrestling Corporation

StrangleMania VIII Comprehensive Results - 3/28/10
Location: Hershey Pennsylvania
Commentators: Colin Hanks & Mystery Man
Backstage Reporter: Ace Heart


Before the show went on the air, a big StrangleMania Flashback show hosted by former EWC Champions Shadow Man and James Chambers played. They talked about the first show back in 1996, and the legal battles of using the name in the EWC starting in 1997 and why there has only been Eight shows instead of Thirteen.

Highlights of the previous Seven shows were then aired while "Sorry" by Our Lady Peace played in the background

The EWC promo hits.

We then go live to Hershey Pennsylvania where jets fly over the arena. Long time EWC fan Jimmy Kimmel welcomes us to StrangleMania VIII

JK: "Security is going to be very tight in Hershey tonight. They have 20,000 men deployed for this thing. 10,000 to ensure that President Mac is safe, and 10,000 to make sure Hurricane Jeff doesn't show up. And with so many of our nation's police on the scene in Hershey, it might be a good time to commit a crime in your neck of the woods, you know what I'm saying? Or maybe not"

Audience laughs

JK: "I think I have the perfect solution to this cold. I was thinking about it today. Let's swap countries with Mexico. Everyone who lives there moves here and vice versa. You want it so bad, you can have it"

Some clapping and cheering

JK: "Ladies and Gentleman throughout the night, guests hosts such as Chris Rock and Dane Cook will try and entertain us in between the stellar lineup that the EWC has in store for us tonight. But first, it's my great honor to introduce to you all... the opening act for tonights StrangleMania VIII. Singing the theme song 'INVALID TERATOMA' I give you....

KID-NAP-KIN!"

The fans are ecstatic as [kid:nap:kin] takes to the out-door stage as a giant screen plays a montage of the build up to StrangleMania VIII

Keep on the right side of falling, the sulfur aches
Accounting for the pressure: casket's full
She cries for her babe, screaming insane
Feeling so volatile, in denial, no longer full

Keep on the left side and forfeit five weeks toll: counting on December
On the floor when she cries for her babe, screaming insane
Feeling so volatile, in denial, no longer full

Trust Your Denial

Reading in to your abilities to free your self.
Collect your failures and put 'em in a jar,
To take them in to your love-stained heart.

Trust Your Denial

A graphic opening hits the screen welcoming us to StrangleMania

We go live to the Giant Arena where a huge display of pyro goes off in the entrance area. Mystery Man is the first to welcome us to the biggest show of the year.

Mystery Man: Thirteen years ago today I was on hand to battle in the first StrangleMania and I'm glad to be sitting here, in the amazing Giant Arena to be calling the biggest event of the year. Welcome everyone to the night where everything is on the line, make or break time. With me as always is son of legendary actor Tom Hanks, the one and only Colin... Hanks...

Colin Hanks: Thanks for the little intro Mystery, it's great to be here once again as a commentator

Mystery Man: We have a whole lot of action here tonight, so many returning legends like Howell and Shadow Man, while also having an amazing mixture of new young talent like Deathlocke and Cannonball Kid

Colin Hanks: I'm most excited about the Rage in the Cage match, I have a feeling its going to be long and hard...

Mystery Man: Thats what she said

Colin Hanks: Anyways... Before we get to the first match of the night, Chris Rock is standing in the middle of the ring

Mystery Man: This marks the sixth appearance of Chris Rock at an EWC pay-per-view event

Chris Rock: Helllllooooo Hershey!

The Audience screams hello back

Chris Rock: My name is Chris Rock... Here is something about me you may not know. I was born a suspect. I can walk down any street in America and women will clutch their purses tighter, hold onto their mace, lock their car doors. If I look up into the windows of the apartments I pass, I can see old ladies on the phone. They've already dialed 9-1- and are just waiting for me to do something wrong.

Ever see a list of the richest black people in the country? Oprah's on there. Cosby. Michael Jordon. Magic Johnson. Tiger Woods. Kid Cannabis. Movie stars. But you can't get past number eight without running across a brother who just hit the Lotto jackpot last week.

Bush lied to me. They all lied to me. "We gotta go to Iraq because they're the most dangerous country on Earth, they're the most dangerous regime in the world." If they so dangerous, how come it only took two weeks to take over the whole f***ing country? S**t. Man, you couldn't take over Baltimore in two weeks.

My mother is the kind of woman you don't want to be in line behind at the supermarket. She has coupons for coupons.

My mother was real cheap. Okay, practical. She would never pay a bill on time. "If they ain't cutting it off, I ain't paying." She would say, "The first bill is a suggestion. If they really want you to pay it, then they'll come and tap on your window." Her whole philosphy of life was: if you die owing money, then you've won.

Gun control?

We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost $5,000. Because if a bullet cost $5,000, we wouldn't have any innocent bystanders. That'd be it. Every time someone gets shot, people will be like, ''Damn, he must have did something. S**t, they put $20,000 worth of bullets in his ass.''

People would think before they killed somebody, if a bullet cost $5,000. ''Man, l would blow your f**king head off, if l could afford it. l'm gonna get me another job, l'm gonna start saving some money, and you're a dead man! You better hope l can't get no bullets on layaway.'' So even if you get shot by a stray bullet, you won't have to go to no doctor to get it taken out. Whoever shot you would take their bullet back. ''l believe you got my property.''

Aiiiight, thank you Hershey and enjoy the rest of the show

The Fans cheer on Chris Rock loudly as he walks out of the ring

Chriqui – The following match is a triple threat scheduled for one fall and it is for the EWC International Championship!!!

The lights go down, three purple spotlights shine down on the stage, as Zzyzx and her manager, Alex Tripp, step out onto the stage. As Zzyzx makes her way further down the ramp, the lights come up following her path. Once she slides into the ring, the lights come up, and she walks to the opposite side of the ring, to wait for her opponent to get into the ring, and Alex Tripp stands in her corner.

Chriqui – In the ring, weight in at 105 pounds, standing at 5’2….Project Zzyzx!!!

The lights dim a little as Down and Out by Tantric starts to play. Captain Insanity steps out from behind the curtain. He pauses briefly, looking down at the ring and his opponent before casually walking to the ring, never taking his eyes off his opponent. Insanity slides into the ring and quickly gets to his feet. The 2 engage in a staredown.

Chriqui – And the opponent, from Toronto, Ontario, Canada, standing at 6’9 and weighing 250 pounds…he is, Captain Insanity!!!

Edge of Seventeen by Jonas hits the PA system as the lights turn pink and green. Bryce walks out with his trademark zebra capone hat. He walks with a cocky undertone, getting booed every step of the way. He goes to high five a fan who trys return the favor, but before he makes contact, he quickly lows his hand, and gives the fan a pissed off look. Bryce shakes his head in a disapproving manor and moves along. Once at the apron, he takes a step back, takes off his hat, gets a running start, and slides into the ring. Once in the ring, he does the Super Crazy front flip nip-up. He does to the turnbuckle and climbs to the second rope. He makes a chicken wing with his right arm, taunting for the roaring elbow. He climbs down from the turnbuckle.

Chriqui – And finally, standing at 6’4 and weighing in at 254 pounds…he is Bryce Bridges!!

MM: These 3 are all planning to give it all they’ve got here at StrangleMania, that’s for sure!

CH: No doubt Mystery, this should be an awesome opening match!

The bell rings and the three competitors face each other. They begin to side step around the ring, avoiding each other as they walk. Project Zzyzx looks at both men, and then ducks under the bottom rope and stands on the outside of the ring with Alex Tripp, leaving the two men to duke it out. Bryce Bridges and Insanity lock up. Bridges backs Insanity up to the turnbuckle, landing some big rights and uppercuts to Insanity’s face. The ref makes the clean count. Bridges lets up, attempts to irish whip Insanity across the ring, but Insanity reverses. Insanity hits him with a drop toe hold. Bridges hops back up and is taken down quickly with a clothesline, and then another. Insanity stands by the ropes. Bridges runs at him, and Insanity flips Bridges over the top rope, sending him flying straight into Project Zzyzx and Alex Tripp. All 3 lie on the ground. Insanity quickly takes the advantage to hop to the apron. Just as Zzyzx, Bridges and Tripp are getting up, he springboards off the top rope and hits a moonsault, taking everyone out.

MM: Look out!! Captain Insanity really going on the offensive!

CH: I can just tell he is going to try and pull out all the stops tonight.

Zzyzx is the first person back to her feet. Bridges hops up, but is send shoulder first into the steel steps. Zzyzx taunts to the crowd as she helps Insanity back to his feet. She grabs his head, smashing him into the steel turnbuckle. She throws him into the ring. She slides in behind him. She gives Insanity a few stomps before picking him up. She whips him hard into the ropes. He rebounds off of them and is hit with a flying leg lariat. Insanity takes a minute to recover. He is on one knee when Zzyzx bounces off the ropes and uses her momentum to deliver a hard slide dropkick to Insanity’s face. As she is about to get the cover, Bridges comes into the ring and rips her off. He picks her up off the ground and slams her hard to the mat with a belly to belly suplex. Bridges then goes to Insanity who is on his feet, but gets a hard kick to the jaw for his efforts. Bridges drops to the mat clutching his jaw. Insanity takes the cover on Bridges…

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MM: Does he have him so early??

Zzyzx is now up on her feet. She pulls Insanity off the cover.

CH: Almost! Zzyzx coming to the rescue of Bryce Bridges.

Zzyzx is now in control as Bryce gets up. Zzyzx whips him into the turnbuckle. She charges towards him, and jumps high in the air looking for a crossbody, but Bridges move and she eats turnbuckle. As she stands groggy, Bridges goes flying off the ring ropes and gives her a flying elbow to the chest. She falls to the mat. He gives her a leg drop. Zzyzx lies on the mat recovering. Insanity is now up. Insanity grabs Zzyzx by the back of the head. He hooks his left arm over her head, and lifts her high into the air. He holds her there for a second before falling backwards with a suplex. Insanity gets off the mat. He is the only man standing. He picks Zzyzx up off the mat and sends her head over heels over the top rope. Now just Bridges and Insanity remain in the ring. Insanity stomps bridges around the legs and midsection as he lies on the ground. The referee is paying attention to Zzyzx who is on the outside of the ring. As Insanity is lifting Bridges up, Bridges hits a low blow to Insanity. Insanity drops to one knee holding his groin. Insanity receives a high velocity roundhouse to the back of the head. Bridges gets the attention of the ref, and takes the cover.

MM: Bridges has the cover!! Can he do it?

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Kickout at the last second!!!!!!!

MM: So close! I kind of though he had him.

CH: What a great match so far. Let’s see what happens next.

Bridges argues with the referee for a few seconds before turning his attention back to Insanity. Insanity is now up, to Bridges surprise. Insanity hits a quick underhook suplex. Insanity goes to his ground game as he puts him in a sleeperhold. Bridges looks woozy and looks to be losing capacity. Insanity holds the sleeper tight. Bridges eyes begin to roll into the back of his head. The referee lifts up bridges arm, and it drops. This happens one more time. The third time, as Bridges hand looks to be dropping, Zzyzx comes flying out of nowhere at both men with a corkscrew from the top rope. The hold is broken, and all three competitors now lie on the mat looking to me worn out. The referee begins to count to 10.

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MM: Zzyzx is up! Will the other two men be able to get up in time??

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9…………

Insanity and Bridges now stand on their feet. The referee ends the count at 9 and 3 quarters. All three stand in the ring panting hard, starting holes through each other. The crowd begins chanting EWC.

MM: This is some real wrestling right here! What a way to kick off the eighth edition of StrangleMania!

CH: You said it.

Insanity comes at Bridges and Zzyzx with clotheslines and punches, knocking them both down. The crowd finally gets behind Insanity. Insanity hits a big back body drop to Zzyzx, and then a monstrous spinebuster to Bridges. Insanity taunts to the crowd. Zzyzx is back up on her feet. As insanity stands facing the crowd, walking towards the ropes, Zzyzx pushes him through the middle to the outside of the ring. She stands laughing at Insanity. Bridges comes up from behind Zzyzx and rolls her up in a schoolboy pin!!!


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ALMOST!!!!!! Kickout at the last second!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Zzyzx gets up from the mat in frustration, yelling at the ref. As she distracts the ref, Alex Tripp begins to attack Insanity. Insanity is picked up and nearly swung into the steel stairs, but reverses. Alex Tripp does a flip over the steel stairs, knocking them clear across the mats on the outside. Zzyzx is still arguing with the ref. A fan hands Insanity a frying pan from over the barricade. He uses this on Tripp as he gets up off the mat. He throws it under the ring and returns to the ring like nothing happened. Bridges is now up, and is on the second turnbuckle. He hits a flying elbow into Zzyzx. Insanity arrives just in time to go on the offensive with Bridges before he can take the cover. Insanity and Bridges trade punches for a few seconds. Bridges get the best of the punches, knocking him down. Insanity pops up, and is hit with a hard powerslam. Insanity lies nearly knocked out on the mat. Bridges picks him up, and begins to set up for the Lyon Bomb!!

MM: Uh oh! Insanity may be in trouble!

CH: Look out!

Bridges lifts Insanity up high into the air, pauses a minute…Insanity slips off his back. Bridges turns around and is dazed with a European uppercut. Insanity hooks Bridges arm, swings him into the air, and connects with the Last Rites!!!!!!!!!!! Bridges takes the cover on Bridges!

MM: Is Captain Insanity going to win here! Last Rites! It’s all over!! The referee takes the count!...

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3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MM: HE DID IT!! Captain Insanity GETS THE VICTORY! WE HAVE A NEW INTERNATIONAL CHAMPION!!!

CH: He earned it. What a match!

Chriqui – HERE IS YOUR WINNER AND THE NEW EWC INTERNATIONAL CHAMPION….CAPTAIN…..INSANITY!!!!!!!!!!!

The referee lifts Captain Insanity’s hand in the air as the other two competitors lie cold on the mat. He is handed the belt, and begins to celebrate as he exits the ring and begins to walk to the back.

[President Mac]

DANE COOK: I wish I had some superpowers.

I was thinking about that the other day.

Maybe quit comedy, fight some crime.

Everybody wants to fly. That's the number one power. If I could grant you a power, "Dane, I'd love to fly." Yeah? Who the f**k doesn't? Who doesn't want to leave the show tonight and be like, "Alright I'll catch you guys later." Shwwooosh and zip up into the skies. "I can show you the world. Shining, shimmering splendor."

You know what I'd like to be able to do more than anything else? I'd love to be able to shoot spaghetti out of my fingertips. Pppptthhh! Cause no one wants to be covered in spaghetti. No. If I'm on a date with a girl and she's very rude, I'd be like, "You know what?" Pppptthhh! "Enjoy your spaghetti, you're very rude. Enjoy your spaghetti, cause you're rude." Pppptthhh!

These are all dreams. These are all things we want to have. (to man in audience) If I could grant you a power, any power, what would you want? Anything right now?
"Dah, Jesus."
You want to be Jesus? God you're such an egotistical prick. He thinks he's Jesus. Ah, Jesus. I'd love to cover him with spaghetti right now. Pppptthhh! Enjoy your spaghetti, you're very egotistical. Ahhh, Christ. Not you.

I'd love to shoot a laser out of my c**k. And when I'm empty my balls glow. Low fuel, balls are empty

Thanks guys, enjoy the next match

Fans cheer and chant DANE DANE DANE

Stroup: The nexat match is scheduled for one fall and it is for the EWC HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP! Introducing first. Weighing in at two hundred and thirty two pounds. Originally from Amsterdam, Netherlands but residing in Pittsburgh Pennsylvania. KID CANNABIS!

The crowd boos loudly as Cannabis struts t the ring while Kryptonite blares over the PA system. Cannabis rolls under the bottom rope and stands smuggly in the middle of the ring and watches Jessica Stroup walk around.

Stroup: And his opponent. Weighing in at two hundred and fifty pounds. He is Hershy, Pennsylvania's very own....The Reaper.....MR. Main Event......he is PENCE WEATHERLIGHT!

The crowd roars loudly as the Xtreme-Otron bursts to static as the lights all dim down and begin to flash different colors at random, the fans turn their eyes to the entrance ramp, as all the light go out. A voice comes out over the speakers saying "Baby don't fear the Reaper." and then the lights come on. "Everything" by Pillar hits the speakers now and the lights begin to flicker red, white, and blue.

The fans all begin to cheer as Pence emerges on to the Entrance ramp wearing a red, white, and blue vest with a pair of black and blue shorts, he salutes the fans who all begin to chant "Mr. Main Event". Pence makes his way down to the ring, slapping hands, and taking poses so that the fans can take pictures of him.

He finally makes it into the ring and then jumps up on to one of the turnbuckles and flexes. He then jumps down and repeats the process on the opposite sides turnbuckle, before finally jumping down, and going to the middle, he begins to pace looking at the ring not taking his eyes off of Kid Cannabis.

MM: Here we go folks. The Hardcore Championship is on the line. Weatherlight versus Cannabis.

CH: The Reaper versus the Sedition.

The camera pans back to the ring as Cannabis and Weatherlight stand toe to toe talking trash in the middle of the ring. Cannabis smacks Pence right across the mouth. Pence yanks his head back and stares down Cannabis.

Cannabis mockingly backs away from Pence, imitating a scared child. Cannabis uses hand gestures to the crowd and tells them that Pence isn't worth his time.

Pence is now furious and lunges at Cannabis. Cannabis sidesteps the oncoming assault and connects with lefts and rights as Pence turns back to face him.

Cannabis and Pence exchange sickening blows back and forth, neither man gaining the advantage. Finally Cannabis kicks Pence in the balls and runs the ropes. Pence lunges forward and takes Cannabis to the mat with a clothesline. Pence climbs on top of Cannabis and begins to punch him in the head.

Cannabis laughs after every punch. Pence gets back to his feet and stalks Cannabis. After Cannabis gets back to his feet, Pence attempts a German Suplex, But Cannabis throws his feet over him and tries to run Pence into the ropes.

Both men hit the ropes at the same time and Pence tumbles over the top rope with Cannabis still holding on. As both men hit the outside mat with a thud, Pence hits Cannabis in the face with an elbow.

As Cannabis makes it back to his feet, the camera gets a glimpse of the blood beginning to pour from the nose of Kid Cannabis.

CH: OH MY GOD. HIS NOSE MIGHT BE BROKEN.

MM: Damn. The blood is already beginning in this "blood" feud between Pence and KC.

CH: Haha Mystery Man. How long did it take you to come up with that one?

MM: Shut up Tommy Jr.

CH: What?

MM: Nevermind.

The camera now shows Cannabis and Pence battling on the outside of the ring. Pence attempts to Irish Whip Cannabis into the ring steps, but Cannabis reverses the move and sends Pence shoulder first into the ring steps.

Cannabis walks over to a man wearing a dew rag and a white sweatshirt. Cannabis takes the mans drink from him and takes most of it with one mouthful With cheeks full of fluid, Cannabis reaches in his pocket and pulls out a lighter.

As Pence is turning towards Cannabis, Cannabis spews the liquid from his mouth and lights the lighter. A fireball comes hurtling towards Pence and smacks him in the face. Pence stumbles backwards and falls over the ring steps.

Cannabis stalks his opponent and mocks him as Pence tries to regain his sight. But Cannabis gets to overconfident and gets too close to pence. Pence ,reaching out, grabs Cannabis and pulls him towards himself, but than reverse motion and sends Cannabis back first into the outside barrier.

Pence finally regains his sight and begins to pummel Cannabis against the barrier. Cannabis finally sinks to a knee and Pence begins kicking him in the head. Cannabis falls to the floor andPence walks over to the ring steps. Pence grabs the steps and yanks on them hard enough to dislodge them. He picks the ring steps up over his head and throws them at Cannabis.

Cannabis dives out of the way and the ring steps hit the barrier with a loud bang. Cannabis crawls over to the ring post and hoists himself to his feet. Pence quickly circles around him and grabs both of his arms and brings Cannabis face first into the ring post. Instead of releasing Cannabis's arms, Pence places one leg on the ring post and begins to pull Cannabis's arms and stretching him out.

Cannabis screams in pain until Pence releases his arms and Cannabis falls to the floor. Pence throws the ring apron up and begins to pull out various weapons and objects. A trash can full of sings and kendo sticks and a stapler, a ladder and a fire extinguisher. Pence grabs the extinguisher and aims it at Cannabis's face. Pence clamps the triggering mechanism and a white cloud of exstinguisher chemicals blow right into Cannabis's face.

Cannabis grabs his face in agony as Pence begins to throw the "toys" into the ring. Pence walks over to Cannabis and rolls him under the bottom rope. Pence climbs back in the ring and grabs a kendo stick. Pence begins to whack Cannabis on the back, everytime a louder and more sickening snap is heard.

Pence breaks the kendo stick over the back of Cannabis and than grabs a steel chair and lays it on the ground. He picks up another steel chair and attempts to whack Cannabis in the back, but Cannabis rolls out of the way and grabs the other steel chair. Both men make it to their feet and are holding steel chairs.

Cannabis swings first and misses Pence as he sidesteps the shot. Pence tries to hit Cannabis in the exposed back, but Cannabis again rolls out of the way and Pence hits nothing but air. Both men than swing the chairs simultaneously and hit each other in mid air. The bang from the chairs colliding is enough to make both men drop their chair and hold their hands in pain. Pence tries to charge Cannabis, but Cannabis ducks and Pence runs right into the ring post. Dazed and confused, Pence stumbles backwards and Cannabis throws him out of the ring.

Cannabis grabs a chair and rolls out of the ring after Pence. Once Cannabis has caught up with Pence, he smacks him one good time in the back. Pence sinks to one knee and Cannabis strikes him again with the chair, this time connecting with Pence's chest. Pence flops to the floor holding his chest as Cannabis stands over him with the chair.

Cannabis begins to choke the life out of Pence with the chair, unti he stops and looks at the ladder. He walks over and erects the ladder and positions it adjacent to the announcers table.

Cannabis walks back over towrds Pence and lifts him off the ground. Pence is Irish Whipped into the announcer's table followed by a chair shot to the head. Cannabis pushes the dazed Pence fully on the table than places the steel chair on top of him. Cannabis walks over to the ladder and climbs to the very top.

After surveying the outcome, Cannabis dives off the top rope and lands a Flying Elbow Drop on Pence and sends him through the table with the chair still on top of him. Pence laid limp as Cannabis rolls over onto his stomach and reaches his hand over Pence's chest.

Referee #1:

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Pence somehow kicks out. Cannabis cannot believe it and begins to argue with the referee. He shoves the referee, who in turn pushes him back into a waiting School Boy Cradle. The referee begins a fast count

Referee #1:

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Cannabis kicks out.

Cannabis is now irate and begins to attack the referee. After pummeling the referee into unconsciousness, Cannabis turns his attention back to Pence who hits him in the head with a monitor. Cannabis falls limp to the ground as Pence tries to regain his breath from the dangerous high risk move that he was the impact of.

A second referee runs from the back and slides into the ring. Pence grabs Cannabis by the hair and throws him under the bottom rope. Pence grabs the chair that was used on him and slowly rolls under the bottom rope.

Pence gets to his feet and measures Cannabis up. As Cannabis turns towards Pence, a chair is baashed over his forehead. Pence again gets out of the ring and grabs a table rom underneath the ring. He slides the table into the ring and sets the legs up.

After setting the table up firmly, a black bag is thrown into the ring from the crowd. The camera pans around to see Pence's son running into the crowd and one is to assume he was the person who threw the bag. Pence opens the bags and pulls out a bottle of lighter fluid.

Pence soaks the table in the fluid and sets it ablaze.

Pence walks over to Cannabis and Powerbombs Cannabis through the burning table. Cannabis writhes on the mat in pain as Pence taunts the crowd. Pence jumps out of the ring and begins to argue with a man at ringside.

Cannabis slowly makes it to his feet, without the notice of Pence, and grabs a steel chair. Cannabis cracks Pence in the back with the chair and than sets it up in the corner. Cannabis slowly lifts Pence to his feet and whips him into the corner chest first.

Cannabis grabs Pence by the head and hits the Cronic, on the way down slams Pence's jaw into the steel chair. Pence holds his jaw in pain as Cannabis covers.

Refree #2:

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The final bell is rung and the referee raises an injured Cannabis to his feet. The referee raises Cannabis's hand in victory as EMT's rush out to check on Pence.

Stroup: Here is your winner AND the NEW EWC HARDCORE CHAMPION....KID CANNABIS.

[President Mac]

DANE COOK: Three weeks ago, one of my dreams came true. I finally got to see something I've always wanted to witness live.

I finally saw someone get hit by a car.

Nailed.

They guy got hit right in the hip, that's your center of gravity that can send you flipping through the air like Eddy Gordo from Tekken when you don't know how to do combos and they're just hitting the buttons randomly. I always just miss it, right. I'm looking then I go to order my twisty cone and PPFFTT! WHAT?! Ohhh, what happened?! The guy got hit?! Noo! I just went to order my twisty cone and I missed it!

This guy gets nailed. This is the set up...

He's walking down the street, and he's doing that wacky speed walk. He's got the buds in his ears and I don't know what you're listening to that makes you do that f**king walk, just a tambourine or maracas? You're just chicka-chucka-chucka-chucka. So Johnny Tambourine is walking down the street. He's got the "Not A Good Time To Cross" signal. As he's going across I see the car VVVVRRRRTT coming down the street and when I see the car coming I'm like YESSS! Finally!!!!!

Don't talk to me. Don't talk to me. I've got to see this.

PPFFTT! This guy goes flying into the air. His shoes fly off! When you get hit by a car sometimes your shoes will fly off. Sometimes your pants will come off. But I was not fortunate enough to see the pants portion on this strike. And before i go any further, here's the best part, this is how he lands: on the other side of the car, which was a Dodge by the way, and I thought that that was kind of funny and ironic. I got a little humor out of that.

I did try to help this man. As the car was coming towards him, I reached out and I said "EEUUUUUHH!" "EEUUUUUUHH," that's all I could think of to say. There are so many things now in retrospect that I would have loved to have been, like "YOU'RE ABOUT TO GET STRUCK BY A VEHICLE!" I did not have time to say, "You're about to get struck by a vehicle." So I went with "EEUUUUHH," which is like a concerned moan.

That guy gets tagged. Okay, the greatest part of the story: he's in the air, flipping around, and this is how he lands -- on the other side of the car. He comes down perfectly on his feet! Then he jumps in the air and he starts walking around embarrassed. He's trying to play it off like he just didn't get hit by a car! People around him are like, "OH MY GOD, ARE YOU ALRIGHT?! ARE YOU ALRIGHT?! ARE YOU OKAY?!" and he's like, "I'm fine, I'm fine. Serious, I'm fine. I'm a little bit hungry, but uhhh, other than that I'm..." "NO YOU SHOULD REALLY SIT DOWN, YOU'RE BLEEDING FROM THE EARS!" "I know, I know that. I do that. Every couple of weeks I empty the blood out of my own head. It's... tradition in my family. Has anyone seen my shoes? I kicked them off in a fit of joy. I love getting struck by vehicles and sometimes I'll kick my shoes off in a fit of joy. I'm fine. I'm just gonna go over here and puke shards of my own pelvis into this bush."

More laughter and cheers from the fans

Colin Hanks: Alright folks…without further ado it’s time for our Rage in the Cage match.

Mystery Man: Two dumpsters. One cage. Tons of barbed wire. Whoever wins might not be alive to cash in their title shot.

The ominous structure has been lowered from the rafters.

It's now in place and the Hershey fans are on their feet and ready to go.

The intimidating environment is a solid steel cage structure with a roof.

It stands 25 feet tall and has a span of 36 feet, including a ring and surrounding platforms.

Two dumpsters have already been placed in the ring, filled to the brim with weapons. It stands a few feet away from the ring ropes on the northern steel platform.

Between the two levels is a hole bigger than the ring itself but platforms are surrounding it to allow access in and out of the pods.

A true modern-day spectacle in professional wrestling.

The lights in the arena slowly begin to dim as everyone in the arena quickly get's to their feet and begin to make some noise. "Invincible" by OK Go then begins to play over the Sound System as three strobe lights begin to pulse in the entrance way, fog then begins to rise from below the stage in front of the entrance.

The X-Treme Tron lights up counting down from 9 all the way to 1. It seems as though every single person is on there feet counting down the numbers. Once it gets to 0 large letters flash “IT'S SHOWTIME”.

An enormous uproar of cheers now blends out the blasting of "Invincible"! A few moments later Shadow Man walks from behind the wall of Fog onto the stage…

….only….he’s not alone.

Flanking him are William Rast and Deadpool, gesticulating to the crowd.

Colin Hanks: Well now….that was Shadow Man’s music, it looks like NAL has decided to come out here all at once.

Mystery Man: That puts the first man out at a disadvantage, Colin. He’ll either have to come into the cage with all three members simultaneously and risk getting jumped, or be forced to stand outside of the cage while NAL is left to roam about the ring freely.

The three members of NAL pause outside the cage, taking in its full scope. The officials give them the preliminary pat down, before escorting them up to the door of the cage, and opening it. Shadow Man is in first, with Rast and Deadpool close behind.

As the three men get into the ring, the officials at ringside hold the door open for the next entrants.

Mystery Man: I feel sorry for the guy who comes in ne---

Immediately, Rast reaches out from inside the structure and grabs the keys from the referee who had his back turned! The officials try to react, but it’s too late! The door slams shut, with all three members of NAL inside!

Colin Hanks: What the--?

Mystery Man: They’ve locked themselves inside!

Grabbing the ladder from the ring apron enclosed by the cage, NAL slowly begins to maneuver it into position underneath the suitcase.

Mystery Man: They’re going to try and end this right now!

Colin Hanks: Can they even do that? The bell hasn’t been rung!

Mystery Man: Doesn’t matter. They’re going for it anyway!

With the ladder in place, Shadow Man confidently takes the first stride onto the structure…only to be pulled down by William Rast, who insists that he go up first. William tries to go up himself, only for Deadpool and Shadow Man to pull him down simultaneously. The audience boos ferociously at the deceit.

Colin Hanks: I think I sense dissension in the ranks.

Mystery Man: They’ve put themselves in position, but now they can’t decide who will go up for the key!

The three men tussle, exchanging words and light pushes.

The camera pans to outside of the ring apron, where some mysterious shuffling can be seen. A foot suddenly protrudes from the ring apron.

Colin: What the…there’s someone under the ring? I don---wha---this match hasn’t even STARTED yet, and it’s already broken down!

Mystery Man: I think I know who that is…

As the officials at ringside frantically scramble to find a spare key, the a figure slides out from underneath the ring.

It’s Michael Howell III!

Brandishing a kendo stick, Howell slides in and bulrushes the center of the ring, kicking down the ladder. The members of NAL scatter to the sides, circling Michael but wanting no part of his weapon. Knowing that he can’t possibly win a three-on-one, Howell holds on to the stick for dear life, whirling like a dervish to make sure he isn’t attacked from behind.

Colin Hanks: It’s Howell! With a kendo stick! The four of them are locked in! He was waiting there the whole time!

Mystery Man: He’s negated their early advantage, but now he’s trapped himself in the lion’s den.

The Mexican standoff continues in the ring at a fast pace. Deadpool is the first to attempt an attack, but is caught on the nose with the kendo stick. Knowing that he’s about to have his flank exposed by Rast, Michael desperately flings himself onto Shadow Man and tackles him to the ground, unloading punches.

Shadow man is briefly put the defensive, absorbing blows from Michael Howell. But William Rast turns the tables, pouncing on Howell from behind before he can do anything significant. Shadow Man stands up essentially unhurt, and proceeds to help Deadpool recover from the kendo stick strike.

Howell is sent into the ropes, only to meet a William Rast lariat. As he goes down, the members of NAL crowd around him and begin to stomp him out. The crowd’s reaction is mixed, unsure of exactly who to boo.

Colin Hanks: Doesn’t look like the CEO’s strategy has paid off. He thought he could get the drop on Shadow Man, but he didn’t account for NAL having plans of their own!

Mystery Man: Not a good investment, Colin.

After much panic, the ringiside officials finally manage to hunt down a spare key. A man in a striped referee’s shirt runs down the ramp, key in hand, as fast as he can. Finally arriving at the door out of breath, he turns the lock. The door is open once again. The officials make waving motions at the ramp, trying to flag down the other superstars to resume their entrances.

No sooner do they begin, then “Cult of Personality” by Living Colour blares over the speakers, as Eddie Dangerously begins to sprint to the ring.

Foregoing the formalities of his entrance, Eddie makes a beeline for the cage door, as the referees open it up to him. Eddie’s presence is immediately felt, as he gets up on the third rope and connects with a springboard lariat to Deadpool. The fighting now breaks down, with Dangerously and Deadpool occupying one side of the ring, and Shadow Man beating down Howell along with William Rast on the other.

With the door now open, the designated referee picks up the key that was previously stolen by NAL and chucks it out of the cage, eliminating the unfair advantage.

With the door now wide open, the entrances continue.

“Abyss” by Circus Maximus quickly fades in and out, as Nathan Harter sprints down to the ring. He motors up the stairs and through the open door, immediately locking up with William Rast. Space in the ring is getting more and more precious, with the odds now being even against NAL.

Deadpool’s lands a successful series of strikes on Eddie Dangerously, sending him down to one knee. Deadpool then heads into the ropes and comes back with a vicious spinning heel kick straight to Eddie’s forehead.

“Winds of Change” by Scorpions is the next entrance song to play, and stop just as quickly, as all of the superstars are skipping their entrances to get in on the action.

Ianzky de Tornado comes whipping down to the ring, throwing aside his entrance robe on the ramp. The smallest man in the match is able to get to ringside quicker than any of his predecessors. As he enters, he uses his speed and size to connect with a diving chop block on William Rast, sending him to the floor and diverting his focus from Nathan Harter.

Colin Hanks: This is madness! They still haven’t rung they bell. All of the superstars aren’t even in the ring!

The song "Welcome Back" by Jeezy begins to play through the P.A. system. The crowd instantly turns to boos at the red curtain is thrown back and from behind it walks Cannonball-Kid. Kid taunts the crowd by flexing his shining muscles, but only for a moment. Pyro shoots off behind him as he runs down the entrance ramp. He hits the steps, and makes his imposing physical presence felt by delivering lariats to everybody in the ring one by one.

With no theme to back him up, Zero is the next man in. Lacking any pomp for the sake of mystery, he runs to the ring and ads to the equation. The audience is no longer able to tell who is fighting who, as the competitors keep shifting around.

As "Heir To the Throne" by I Am Abomination plays over the PA system, a man appears from behind the curtain. The man whom stands at five foot eight, walks runsto the center of the entrance ramp, sending a cold glaze of a stare towards all of the crowd.. A smirk envelopes his face as he twist his head off to the left and spits into the crowd, to their dismay of such actions. After a few more moments, Deathlocke hops up to both of his feet and walks down the entrance ramp. Both of his hands above his head, as if to try and avoid touching the crowd, showing a sign of feeling greater than them.

His showboating over, Kyle Deathlocke settles for a more Spartan version of his taunts, as he too sprints down to take part in the debacle happening within the ring.

One more man is left to make the match complete. “Man with the Plan” begins to play as Brian Kendrick makes his way down to the cell with minimal taunting. With Kendrick inside, the officials FINALLY lock the door behind him and ring the bell.

DING DING DING

Colin Hanks: My god…the match FINAL LY started?

Mystery Man: Heh…formally maybe. But I’m thinking it started several minutes ago.

The action continues in earnest in the middle of the ring.

De Tornado tries to attack Howell as he’s coming down dazedly in his direction. The CEO shows his ring savvy and sidesteps and Ian’s flying forearm crashes right into the built in the dumpster positioned in the ring! But it’s easy to see that Howell is hurt early and after recovering, Ian pounces all over him. De Tornado wraps him up in a rear waist lock. Howell tries to battle free but Ian quickly punishes Michael with a German suplex right into the side of the dumpster.

Meanwhile, Cannonball Kid keeps the pressure on William Rast and tosses him right into the northeast ring pole, taking them away from the main body of conflict. Rast’s body rebounds off from the impact, before falling to the floor. Kid quickly quickly takes advantage of his stunned opponent and puts his entire muscular frame into a massive leg drop. Cannonball is a bit ginger getting back to his feet. He waits for Rast to get back up , but before he comes to, Deadpool comes from behind with a steel chair that he had fished out from one of the weapon dumpsters!

MM: Chair to the head!

As Curtis Wayne goes down from the chair, the camera cuts wildly around the cage, trying to encapsulate the entire fight. Shadow Man comes rebounding off an irish whip reversal by Michael Howell. The CEO is immediately able to convert his momentum and connect with the Organ Grinder (Lungblower). Nathan Harter attempts and atomic drop on Zero, but the mysterious man counters, refusing to be lifted. Instead, he delivers a series of closer range elbow strikes, before hooking Harter’s head and dropping him to the mat with a vicious DDT.

CH: This match is intense

Kyle Deathlocke, noticing that the competition is bypassing the weapons altogether, manages to avoid detection and root around for a weapon. Finally settling on a 2x4, he comes running out of the gate and sails the hunk of wood with lethal force, directly into the head of Eddie Dangerously!

The fans are going absolutely bonkers, as they hear the sickening thud.

CH: HOLY SHIT BALLS!

The 2x4 breaks in half, as Dangerously lays on the mat busted open. Deathlocke gesticulates towards the crowd, pointing at his own head to signify his intelligence. The celebration is short-lived, however, as Curtis Wayne creeps up behind him and drops him with an inverted DDT.

Meanwhile, a group effort ensures that Michael Howell is the first man to be thrown out of the ring and onto the apron. Noticing the CEO’s vulnerability, Brian Kendrick right towards the southern ropes, leaps onto the bottom rope on his way back. and somersaults backwards with a lionsault in an attempt to take out his target, but The Paragon grabs a hold of him in mid-air!

Kendrick is jacked up to a fireman’s carry position on Howell’s shoulder and is driven to the mat with a grisly-sounding death valley driver. But Just as Howell is getting back up to his feet , Shadow Man goes hard into the ropes delivers a perfectly placed baseball slide on Michael’s chin, before exiting the ring and delivering more punishment.

Back in the ring, William Rast delivers a Yakuza kick to Kyle Deathlocke, who was previously recovering from a two on one assault by De Tornado and Harter! The crowd is on their feet and cheering for the violence. The Mea Culpa slowly tries to get back up to his feet ,but Deadpool is there coming across with a swinging neckbreaker.

As Deadpool is getting back up to his feet, Eddie Dangerously grabs him from behind and in an impressive display of strength, lifts him up into torture rack position. It looks like Dangerously might be looking to transition into a powerbomb, but Deadpool shifts his body weight only to take down Dangerously with a bulldog.

Cannonball Kid looks ready to get involved in the action when Zero cuts him off with a swift chop to the chest. Zero and Kid are going at it near the northeast corner of the ring as Zero backs Curtis into a corner. The mysterious man hits a series of strikes on Cannonball, stunning the much larger man.

The masked hero then sets up his opponent onto the top turnbuckle, lifting him into sitting position for what appears to be a suplerplex. Zero goes up after Kid looking to execute a suplex off the top rope but receives a headbutt from Cannonball for his troubles.

That moment is all Kid needs, as he shoves Zero off the top rope, and delivers a massive elbow drop in rapid succession. As Kid gets to his feet he notices out of the corner of his eye the briefcase

MM: It looks like Cannonball Kid is making a break for the case Colin

CH: It's almost as if they all forgot why they are here, they are too busy trying to kill each other

Rast sees Kid going for the case and heads over to stop him, be he is cut off by Shadow Man who stands between Kid and Rast. Shadow nods at Kid as Kid gives a curious and confused smirk, but waists little time in going after the case. Shadow and Rast then lock up

PEOPLES CHAMP PEOPLES CHAMP PEOPLES CHAMP

MM: The fans are really behind the peoples champ in this one

CH: Yah, but which one are they cheering for? Shadow or Rast?

Just then Shadow Man slams Rasts face into the cage and the crowed erupts in cheers

MM & CH: SHADOW MAN!!!

Cannonball Kid now has the case and key in hand and is making his way over to the cage door. However he is interrupted by Kyle Deathlocke who puts his hands on the case also. Out of nowhere Howell comes flying in and clotheslines both of them into the cage. All three men now lay on the ground, with the case loose between them

MM: This is ridiculous

Howell gets to his feet first and sees Cannonball about to get up also. Howell walks over to one of the cans and pulls out a frying pan. Sliding out of the ring, Howell walks up behind to a now standing Cannonball Kid and cracks him as hard as he could in the back of the head with the frying pan. Cannonball goes face first into the cage and drops to the ground.

CH: OUCH!!!!!!

MM: Something tells me that this wont be the last we see of Cannonball Kid and Howell facing off

Howell looks around and sees bodies laying all over the place, while many others are still distracted with there current battles. He smirks a devilish grin as he picks up the case and makes his way to the door. Getting the key he puts it into the door and kicks the door open.

CH: I don't believe it!!! Michael Howell is about to...

WHAM!!!!!

Howell drops to the ground as Kyle Deathlocke nails Howell in the face with a shovel.

MM: HOLY SHIT!

CH: Howell is bleeding pretty bad now

MM: And the case is hanging outside the cage from the key that is in the door

Kyle goes to step out of the cage when he is grabbed by Cannonball Kid who is holding onto Kyles left leg. Deathlocke continues to walk, dragging Cannonball behind him. Howell now also grabs at Kyles other foot, causing Kyle to trip outside the cage

CH: Wait a minute, did Kyle just win the match?

MM: He needs to have the case in hand, he needs to grab that case

Howell, Cannonball and Deathlocke are now all crawling on the outside of the cage trying to get to there feet and grab at the Case. The three men are punching and kicking at each other on the ground

Zero now notices the opening and he runs towards the cage door but he is stopped by Rast who is thrown into Zero by Shadow Man

Harter then tackles Shadow Man to the ground and the two men begin battling each other on the ground

CH: There is absolutely no one on there feet anymore

MM: Except for this crowed, I think every fan is on there feet screaming

Cannonball manages to pull away from Howell and Kyle and stumbles his way on his knees towards the cage door. As he pulls himself to his feet, Howell pulls off one of Kyles boots and throws it at the back of Cannonballs head causing him to go face first into the cage door and knocks the case loose from the door landing on the ground

CH: ALL CANNONBALL HAS TO DO IS REACH OVER AND PUT HIS HAND ON THE CASE
Howell and Deathlocke notice this and both take a lunge at the case, both of them seemingly able to land on the case

DING DING DING

MM: What the hell?

CH: Who won? Howell or Deathlocke?

The refs on the outside of the ring discuss and then both seem to come to an agreement. The replay footage plays on the jumbo screen above. The fans are restless as they don't know who landed first

STROUP: Ladies and Gentleman, upon review of the landing, it appears that both Kyle Deathlocke and Michael Howell the III both landed on the case at the same time. So we have no choice but to award both men with the vict...

CH: Wait a minute, here comes President Mac

The fans explode in cheers as President Mac makes his way down the ramp and over to the referees in the area

MM: In all my life, I have never seen anything like this... have you?

CH: Not even close, I wonder if maybe Mac saw some clear cut evidence that would deny a tie here tonight

MM: Whatever the case, Mac is pointing at Howell and Deathlocke and seems pretty convincing at whatever he is saying

CH: Mac is now heading back up the ramp and the referees are talking to Jessica Stroup

MM: I think we have a new decision coming

CH: Well Mac and the eyes from above do have a better look at things, technology is a wonderful thing at times

MM: Here comes Jessica again

STROUP: Ladies and Gentleman, upon FURTHER review of the landing

Fans laugh

STROUP: It turns out that Cannonball Kid ALSO managed to put his hand on the case at the same time. According to the digital feed from upstairs, all three wrestlers managed to have a hand on the case outside the cage at the exact same time. So, congratulations to Cannonball Kid, Michael Howell and Kyle Deathlocke... All three of you have won the Rage in the Cage match with a guaranteed title shot for the title of your choice

CH: HOLY SHIT!

MM: Wow... folks, this is a historical moment here. I have never in my life seen something like this happen

CH: What are the odds that all three of them go for the EWC Title?

MM: It's hard to say, but I'm sure we wont have to wait very long to find out

[President Mac]

Dave Chappelle: Yo whats up Hershey?

Fans cheer

Dave Chappelle: Obviously you know I'm Dave Chappelle! And obviously you know that when it comes to wrestling promotions, nothing touches the E Dubbya C

Fans scream and chant EWC EWC EWC EWC

Dave Chappelle: Yah know, all this hardcore match shit had me thinking about the ghetto. I was taken to the ghetto once That's the worst when you're taken and you're not expecting to go. Usually you want to know when you're going to the ghetto, like, "I'm gonna see some wild s**t, I gotta prepare myself to see something crazy." When you're taken its different. I had a limousine driver, it was after the show, at like 3 in the morning. I had a limousine driver, he's a nice guy, talking to me and s**t. He's like, "Where you from, dog? D.C.? Word. That's a rough city, man." And his cellphone started ringing, he's like, "Hold one one second. Hello? Oh, what's up N----? What? What the f**k, slow down, what? What the f**k? No! No! No! F**k it, I'm on my way!" Boop. "Hey, I gotta make a stop real quick."

At 3 o'clock in the morning, and I didn't know he was taking me to the ghetto at first. I started looking out the window, see gun store, gun store, liquor store, gun store, where the f**k you taking me? This don't look good. He didn't say s**t. He just pulled up in front of an old rickety building that looked like a project. I've never been there before, I'm not sure if it was a project, it certainly had all the familiar symptoms of a project. A f**king crackhead ran this way, tk-tk-tk-tk-tk-tk! Then another one jumped out of a tree and s**t, tk-tk-tk! The guy said, "I'll be right back," and left me. Took the keys with him and just left me.

At 3 o'clock in the morning, in front of a project, in a f**king limousine. This was not good. I was like, "I gotta look around, find some landmarks, see if I can figure out where I'm at. I might have to escape on foot." Now this is when I know I'm in a bad neighborhood, you only see this in the worst neighborhoods. Remember, this was 3 o'clock in the morning. I looked out the window, and there was a f**king baby standing on the corner. And the baby didn't even look scared, he was just standing there. And it made me sad you know, because I wanted to help the baby. I was like, "Mm mm I don't trust you either!" Click! Cllllick! The old baby-on-the-corner trick, eh? Not gonna fall for that s**t. But where is this limousine driver?"

As time goes by I start feeling worse, I was like, "What the hell is wrong with me, I'm scared of a baby! But this baby could be in trouble, he may need my help. I gotta do something." But I wasn't gonna get out of the car. I'm serious, man. I just cranked the window open a little bit. "Hey baby! Baby, go home, man! It's 3 o'clock in the morning man, what the f**k are you doing up?" The baby says, "I'm selling weed, N----!"

White neon lights flicker throughout the arena and a rocked up version of "The Pretender" by the Foo Fighters blasts from the arena's PA system. The crowd boo loudly as the man, the myth, the legend BDC walks from behind the curtain and stands at the top of the ramp. The EWC - Tron shows the Welsh National Flag, and red, white and green pyro shoot high into the air and he then heads toward the ring. He climbs over the top rope and proceeds to climb each turnbuckle one at a time, raising his right arm in the air. He then jumps up and down a little in the centre of the ring and crouches a little, hands on his knees, as his music ends.


The lights in the arena go out. The sound of coins clinking and cash registers ringing swell over the loudspeaker as a fog begins to form in the entryway.

A golden spotlight shines into the fog as the bass line to Pink Floyd's "Money" begins to thump throughout the arena. A silhouette slowly comes into view through the fog, and as the guitars and drums kick in; Moses Lake emerges from the fog. The golden spotlight stays on him, as he is quickly flanked on either side by his team of one dozen large black security guards. Moses poses as a massive display of white and gold fireworks go off all around the stage.

A black Escalade then pulls up behind Moses through the fog. A guard opens the back door, and the cameras get a brief glimpse of the scantily clad Asian masseuses waiting for Moses in the back seat. Moses climbs in and the door is shut. The Escalade then slowly makes its way down to the bottom of the ramp. It reaches the bottom, all the while more fireworks go off on the stage.

As the bottom of the ramp, Moses waits for Emmanuelle Chriqui to announce him.

CHRIQUI: Now introducing, hailing from Upriver, New Brunswick, Canada and weighing in at 212 lbs., he is two-time former EwC Undisputed Champion, former Hardcore Champion, former Television Champion, former and longest-ever reigning International Champion, the 2006 and 2009 King of the Cage, EwC Hall of Famer and Rampage's Greatest Superstar... MOSES... LAKE!

The door to the Escalade opens, and Moses steps out, followed by his team of masseuses. Moses gets one last shoulder rub from the sexiest and Asianiest masseuse while his security team surrounds the ring and the Escalade backs up the ramp. Moses then slides into the ring under the bottom rope. He crosses the ring and hops onto the bottom rope, leans onto the top, and poses as a huge display of pyrotechnics explode from the ring posts.

Moses then returns to the centre of the ring and slowly takes his time removing his "MOSES CHOKED ME OUT" t-shirt. He walks to the side of the ring and gives it to one of the masseuses to wear before finally moves to the corner of the ring to stretch for the match.

CLOCK STARTS: 30 MINUTES REMAINING

As the bell rings, Moses Lake steps forward to meet BDC in the center of the ring. BDC immediately pushes Moses back and starts mouthing off to him. BDC stands in front of Moses and continues trash talking. Moses rolls his eyes and backs away. Moses turns his back to BDC and starts walking away. BDC sees this and charges at Moses from behind. But Moses sees BDC coming and he side steps out of the way. Moses grabs BDC by the head as he runs past, and Moses shoves BDC right into the corner. Moses Dropkicks BDC from behind. He then stands up and jumps up across BDC's shoulders, locking his arms and legs around BDC's shoulders. He pulls BDC down in a Crucifix Pinning Combo.

1...




2...





BDC kicks out.

HANKS: No time wasted by Lake in trying to score the first fall.

MM: The interesting thing about Iron Man matches is you want to pace yourself. The worst thing you can do is burn yourself out too early. You have 30 minutes guaranteed. As tempting as it is to play it slow and steady, scoring that first fall gives you a HUGE advantage.

Mopses and BDC both quickly stand up. BDC grabs Moses right arm and tries for a Short Arm Clothesline. Moses ducks under the Clothesline and and grabs BDC around the waist from behind. He lifts BDC up in the air with a German Suplex, but spins around and executes a Falling Neckbreaker as BDC crashes down to the mat. Moses covers BDC again.

1...




2...




BDC kicks out. Moses stands up and gets in a fighting position. BDC rises and backs away, waving his arms.

MM: The youth and energy of Moses Lake may be too much for BDC.

HANKS: BDC looks to be breathing a little heavy already. I'm starting to doubt if he can last.

Moses approaches BDC with his fists raised, ready to fight. BDC suddenly drops down on his knees and starts begging for mercy. He pleading with Moses to lay off.

MM: As dispicable as BDC has always been, I've never known him to act cowardly. Tell me I'm imaging this.

The crowd is booing. Moses holds off as BDC pleads. Finally Moses drops his guard and backs away. But BDC quickly retaliates by nailing Moses with a Low Blow to the groin. BDC laughs and taps his head, indicating that he out-smarted Moses.

MM: My mistake. That's the despicable BDC we all know and hate.

HANKS: Why do I get the feeling this match is going to be a game of 1-upping in sleazebaggery?

MM: Because it's Moses Lake and BDC.

BDC whips Moses against the ropes. Moses comes running back and BDC delivers a Head Scissors Takedown. He then flips over with a Snap Mare. Moses lays on the mat and BDC Springboards off the middle rope. He follows that up by nailing a Flying Elbow Drop from the second rope. BDC picks Moses up and bends him over the ropes. BDC climbs up to the top rope. He jumps off and hits a Guillotine Leg Drop. Moses gets choked by the top rope and he falls back on his back.

HANKS: We all expected to see BDC limping through this match. But 5 minutes in, he's pulling off these moves with ease.

MM: The question is, can he hold the pace?

25 MINUTES REMAINING

BDC picks Moses up. He whips him to the ropes and Moses bounces back. Moses stretches his shoulders out in an attempt to hit BDC, but BDC Leapfrogs over Moses. They stand back to back, and BDC reaches his arms back to try for a Spinning Neckbreaker. Moses reaches his arms back and grabs BDC's head. He spins the two of them around to block the move. They stand face to face. BDC spins Moses around and wraps his arms around Moses' head and neck, applying a Sleeperhold. Moses struggles to break free. He tries dragging BDC over to the ropes, but BDC pulls him back to the center of the ring. After several minutes, Moses is losing strength and goes down on his knees. BDC applies more pressure. Moses' eyes close and he's almost unconscious. The ref holds Moses' arm up and drops it once. He then holds one finger up to show the audience his count. The ref raises Moses' arm again and it drops.

HANKS: That's two. If Moses' arm drops once more, BDC will pick up our first fall.

The ref raises Moses' arm one last time. Moses is using his free hand to dig something out of his tights. He casually wraps it around his fingers. The ref lets go of Moses' raised hand and gets ready to ring the bell, but Moses keeps his arm held in the air. BDC notices this and he applies more pressure on the Sleeper. Moses starts to get back up on his feet. Moses reaches back and nails BDC in the eye with his free hand. It can now be seen that he had a pair of brass knucks on them. BDC lets go of the Sleeper and goes down on his back. He's holding his eye tight. BDC is on his hands and knees now crawling toward the ropes. As he moves closer behind him can be seen several blood prints from his hands being tracked across the mat.

MM: I think BDC's eye was cut bad from that hit.

HANKS: Either that or some weird stigmata.

Moses rakes BDC's eyes and backs him against the ropes. He whips him against the ropes and BDC comes running back, and Moses delivers a Tilt-A-Whirl Backbreaker. He goes for the cover.

1...




2...





the ref stops the count when he sees that BDC's leg is on the rope. Moses stands up and kicks the ref in the side. The ref is knocked over but uninjured. He stands up and gets right in Moses' face, threatening to DQ him if he does it again. The crowd boos and Moses shrugs this off and goes back to work on BDC.

17 MINUTES REMAINING

Moses starts climbing up the turnbuckles. He reaches the top rope and BDC rises on his feet. Moses is getting ready to launch jump off when BDC walks over to the corner and stands on the second rope. He hits Moses in the gut several times, and then Body Presses Moses off the top rope. Moses hits the mat with a thud and bounces 2 feet ion the air. BDC wipes the blood out of his eyes and charges across the ring, booting Moses in the back. He continues to stomp on Moses. BDC picks Moses up and sits him on the top turnbuckle. BDC then limps across the ring and climbs up the next nearest corner. He stands bnefly to catch his balance and then amazingly starts to tightrope walk across the top rope.

MM: I can't believe he's doing that! For a guy of BDC's size that can't be easy. Add to that his age,

HANKS: He still has plenty of time to botch it.

BDC makes it almost all the way across the top rope. He stops and holds his arms out for balance. He then dives toward Moses sitting on the top turnbuckle. He nearly rips Moses' head off with a vicious Clothesline. Both men fly through the air and land on the timekeepers table. It instantly breaks in half.

MM: Thank goodness. For once it wasn't our table that gets broken.

HANKS: You speak too soon.

BDC is on top of Moses and both are breathing heavy. BDC is groaning as he pulls Moses off the shattered timekeepers table. He throws him on top of the broadcast table now. BDC steps onto the apron and faces the broadcast table. He dives off andhits Moses with a Frog Splash. Now the broadcast table breaks in half as BDC hits.

HANKS: It's amazing. Almost like a psychic ability.

BDC stands up and kicks the broken wood pieces of the table out of the way. BDC grabs Moses by the neck and picks him up. He throws Moses into the ring. BDC rolls in under the bottom rope and picks Moses up. He throws Moses over his shoulder and sits him on the top turnbuckle. BDC turns Moses around so his back is to the ring. BDC then steps onto the second turnbuckle, and reaches his hand behind his head, grabbing Moses around the neck with both hands. The two are back to back, and BDC jumps off the second turnbuckle, pulling Moses down and delivering a Neckbreaker from the top rope. BDC turns to the crowd andarrogantly boasts. The crowd boos him. BDC yells out for the crowd to shut up. He then lifts Moses up and wraps his arm around his body. BDC drops down and executes a Reverse Piledriver. BDC goes for a cover.

1...




2...




BDC pulls Moses' shoulder up, breaking the count himself.

MM: What is he doing?

HANKS: It's an Iron Man Match. Most pinfalls in a designated time period. There's no logic to this.

MM: Unless BDC is just that desparate to punish Moses.

HANKS: And he may be.

BDC lays Moses on his back and takes his legs. BDC ties their legs up and applies a Figure Four Leglock. Moses screams in pain and attepts to reach for the ropes. He drags himself about a foot closer, but still remains well out of reach of the ropes. Moses now attempts to reverse the hold. He struggles to turn over as BDC resists. Several minutes pass with Moses refusing to submit.

MM: Moses prides himself too much on being a submission artist. He's too proud to ever tap out.

HANKS: I'm just amazed that not a single fall has been counted yet. It's still 0-0 and we're approaching the 20 minute mark.

10 MINUTES REMAINING

After several minutes of trying to reverse, and several minutes of refusing to submit, Moses manages to turn the Figure Four over, and BDC now is the one screaming in pain. BDC claws at the mat and slowly drags himself toward the ropes. Moses applies more pressure and BDC screams even louder. BDC reaches his arm out as far as he can, and tries to grab the bottom rope. He manages to grab it, and the ref forces Moses to let go of the hold. BDC pulled himself up by using the ropes. He turned around and Moses was standing right in front of him. Moses tried to throw BDC into the ropes, but BDC reversed the whip and sent Moses into the ropes. Moses jumped up on BDC and started hammering him with punches. BDC was about to topple over backwards, when he dropped Moses to the mat and grabbed both of his legs. BDC turned him over and applied an Elevated Crab. Moses again refuses to submit. He tries to crawl close to the ropes, but BDC keeps pulling him back to the center of the ring. Moses is in agony and can't seem to escape.

HANKS: Again with the submission moves. This is not the BDC we know. He had a perfectly good opportunity earlier to go for a pin andhe passed it up.

MM: I think I'm starting to understand. BDC is trying to prove a point. He doesn't just want to beat Moses. He's looking for the big win. A tap out. A submission. He wants Lake to say "I quit".

HANKS: And Moses would rather cripple himself for life than give in.

MM: It's fascinating to see two of the biggest egos in our business hard at work.

Moses can't break the Crab, so he musters all his strength and pushes his body up with one big pushup. He arches his back, screams because of the pain his own escape is causing him, and somehow miraculously manages to use his legs to pulls BDC backwards into a pin.

1...




2...




BDC kicks out! Moses is up on his feet instantly but his back seems to give out. He's bent over and BDC takes the opportunity to pull him up into a Powerbomb, however during the turnover, Moses drops to his feet and locks up with BDC. He pulls BDC into a Small Package.

1...




2...




BDC kicks ourt again! The blood is still trickling from BDC's cut above his eye, so Moses digs his hands into the cut. BDC is kicking and spasming about, but Moses just digs his fingers in deeper. The ref physically has to restrain Moses. BDC is curled up in the corner holding his eye tight. Moses is arrogantly boasting to the crowd as BDC's blood drips off his hands. He walks over to BDC, picks him up, and Back Body Drops him onto the mat. Moses then takes his fingers and writes something in blood on BDC's chest. The camera zooms in as Moses finishes smearing the number 41 in blood.

MM: Yes Moses. We're all familiar with your record.

6 MINUTES REMAINING

Moses Lake continues a string of moves followed by pinfall attempts. Moses lands Rolling Thunder. He covers and hooks the leg.

1...



2...



BDC kicks out! Moses continues his attack.

5 MINUTES REMAINING

Moses Lake stands BDC up on his legs, but BDC can barely keep himself from falling. Moses climbs to the top rope and BDC's back is facing the corner. Moses dives off and delivers a Sunset Flip Neckbreaker from the top rope. BDC goes down. Moses is immediately on his feet and bouncing off the ropes. He springboards off the middle rope and executes a Lionsault right across BDC's midsection. He has him covered.

1...




2...





BDC kicks out again! Moses is slamming his fist on the mat, clearly frustrated. Moses stands up and runs against the ropes again. He springboards off the second rope and hits another Lionsault. The crowd is on it's feet now. Moses looks like he's ready to make the cover, but he stops himself. He holds up 1 finger indicating he's going for it one more time.

HANKS: Moses has to do something. He has just iver 4 minutes to score a pinfall.

MM: Same pressure is on BDC, and he long since lost control of this match.

Moses jumps up on the second rope, uses that to jump up on the third rope, springboards off, backflips and attempts to land a Lionsault. And he does land it........ right on BDC's extended knees which cut right into Moses' ribs. The crowd groans as Moses gets the wind knocked out of him.

4 MINUTES REMAINING

Moses is now rolling around trying to catch his breath, not to mention holding his ribs in pain. BDC is flat on his back and breathing heavy. Neither man gets up. BDC starts to crawl to the ropes. He slowly uses the ropes to pull himself up. Moses is doing the same. Both men are on their feet but facing opposite directions. BDC turns around first. A split second later Moses faces him. Moses goes for a Clothesline, BDC ducks under. BDC boots Moses, but Moses grabs his leg and holds it up. BDC is hopping on one foot. Moses tries to kick his legs in the air with an Enziguri. BDC catches Moses' other leg. He trips him and Moses goes face down on the mat. BDC wastes no time applying an Ankle Lock.

3 MINUTES REMAINING

MM: There's barely any time left! Neither man has secured a fall. There's no stipulation about a sudden death. Please don't let it end in a draw after all this!

BDC has the Ankle Lock secured tight. Moses is squirming like crazy as he screams in agony from the hold. Moses slams his arms down on the mat as he kicks his free leg behind him. He hits BDC several times with the free leg. BDC refuses to let go of the hold. Moses starts using all his strength to crawl across the mat towards the ropes. BDC tries to hold him back, but he's lost so much energy. Moses is slowly making progress.

HANKS: For one guy who has the reputation of being over the hill and weak, and another guy who has the reputation of being a spoiled, lazy prima donna, we sure are seeing the best these guys have to offer.

Moses is almost at the ropes. BDC is screaming himself from applying so much pressure. Moses finally reaches the ropes. BDC keeps the hold locked in. The ref starts to count. 1... 2.... 3..... 4.... 5...... BDC still doesn't break the Ankle Lock. MOses has hold of the bottom rope with both hands. The ref is yelling at BDC to break the hold. He refuses to let go. The ref has finally had enough. He kciks BDC in the back and physically pulls him off of Moses. BDC turns around with a look of rage in his eyes.

2 MINUTES REMAINING

HANKS: Uh oh.

BDC grabs the ref by his throat and starts choking him out. The crowd is booing him like crazy. The ref's eyes are bugging out of his head as the life is choked out of him. BDC continues to squeeze while cursing the ref out.

HANKS: Why doesn't the ref disqualify him already?

MM: Can you imagine the riot if after all this the match ends in a 1-0 DQ decision?

Moses is back on his feet, but limping badly. He carefully pulls the pad off the bottom turnbuckle. BDC is squeezing and shaking the ref now. Moses hobbles across the ring and stands behind BDC. He doesn't attack, just waits. BDC finally drops the ref to the ground and spits on him. The ref is gasping for air. BDC shouts a few more obsenities at the ref and spins around. Moses knees him in the groin and ties up with legs with a Drop Toe Hold. BDC falls forward and hits his face directly on the exposed steel bottom turnbuckle. Moses is quick to his feet and delivering a hard kick to the back of BDC's head.

MM: Canadian History X! Canadian History X! This is it!

Moses Lake pulls BDC out of the corner, rolls him over and literally collapses on top of him for the cover. The ref is still gasping for air, and moving very slowlyu as he makes his count.



1...









2...









3!!! The ref calls for the bell. There is now less than a minute left on the clock!

HANKS: Moses Lake picks up the first fall of the match 29:05 in! Is there enough time for BDC to mount a comeback?

MM: Not likely. It looks like Moses Lake is done for the night.

The crowd is counting backwards from 55 as Moses Lake calls his Asian masseuse team into the ring. One of them pulls out a folding chair and Moses Lake takes a seat. He orders them to give him a back rub as he counts along with the crowd backward from 45 now. The crowd stops counting and boos Moses' arrogant gesture.

MM: What a lazy tool. Is he gonna pull out a cot and take a nap during the final 30 seconds as well?

BDC is still knocked out cold as Moses rises from his chair. The clock is now at 29... 28... 27.... Moses raises a hand towards the backstage area and gives a cue. Suddenly "Money" by Pink Floyd begins to play. The sound of the crowd booing almost drowns out the music. Moses arrogantly walks out of the ring and starts heading back down the aisle as his music plays, with 10 second left.... 9...... 8..... 7..... 6..... 5..... 4..... 3..... 2...... 1...... The bell rings and the match is officially over.


Winner: Moses Lake (1-0 in 30 minutes)


MM: I almost don't want to call him an Iron Man after that cheap finish.

HANKS: In all fairness, BDC was out cold. The match was over one way or the other. Moses may have been trying to spare BDC his dignity instead of covering 6 more times in the last 30 seconds.

MM: It's probably more like Moses Lake to walk out of his own Iron Man match just to show us all how lazy he's ALLOWED to be with this ridiculous contract of his.

[President Mac]

“Coma White” by Marilyn Manson plays. Fog explodes out the ramp as the song plays, as the fog settles Mr. Strange walks out with a red tinted light shining. The fans boo as he makes his way into the ring. He stands in the center of the ring an pyros go off behind him as the song continues to play.

STROUP: “Introducing first,
Standing at 6 feet and 2 inches,
And weighing in a 185 lbs,
He is the 2010 Rumble In The Bronx winner,
MR. STRANGE!!!”

"New Divide" by Linkin Park plays over the P.A. The crowd jump on their feet and cheer as Larsen Van Der Kamp makes his way towards the ring. He walks to the ring at a slow pace. He keeps his focus straight ahead as he walks down the aisle. When he reaches the ring, he slides under the bottom rope. Larsen stands in the center of the ring. He looks around the arena and sees all the fans cheering for him. He appears overwhelmed by their response. Larsen points out to the crowd and nods his head. He sits up on the top turnbuckle and waits for the match to begin.

STROUP: “And his opponent,
Residing in Johannesburg, South Africa,
Standing at 6 feet and 1 inch,
And weighing in at 229 lbs,
LARSEN VAN DER KAMP!!!”

Both men stand in their respective corners. The referee holds the EWC Undisputed Championship title belt high above his head. The blinding flash of cameras taking pictures can be seen. The referee hands the belt off to the time keeper. He stands in the center of the ring and calls for the bell.

HANKS: This is what it’s all about. The biggest prize of them all will be decided on this stage here tonight.

MM: One of these two men will leave the arena tonight with their name etched in the EWC history books as Undisputed Champion.

Larsen charges at Strange and Spears him to the ground. Larsen starts punching Strange to the forehead. The fans count along as Larsen punches Strange 10 times. Larsen picks Strange up and throws him out of the ring. Larsen climbs up to the top rope. Strange gets on his feet and Larsen jumps off the top rope with a Corkscrew Cross Body Block. Strange drops to the ground. Larsen picks Strange up and attempts to whip him to the barricade, but Strange reverses the whip and hits Larsen with a Short Arm Clothesline. Strange picks up a chair. Larsen gets up on his feet and Strange nails him hard over the head with the chair. Larsen stumbles back, but doesn't fall off his feet. Strange hits him again and Larsen once again stumbles, but doesn't fall. Strange backs up and leaps forward and nails Larsen with the chair one more time. Finally Larsen drops down to the ground. Strange gets up and picks Larsen up. He lifts Larsen up on his shoulder and drives his head to the concrete with a Tombstone Piledriver. Strange picks Larsen up and throws him in the ring. Strange rolls into the ring and picks Larsen up. Strange whips him off the ropes. Larsen bounces off the ropes and Strange delivers a vicious Spinebuster. Strange picks Larsen up and throws him out of the ring. Strange rolls out of the ring. He reaches under the ring and pulls out a thick chain. He wraps the chain around his fist as Larsen gets up on his feet. Strange swings his fist at Larsen, but Larsen ducks the hit and Stange hits his chain wrapped fist on the ringpost. Strange turns around and Larsen hits him with a Superkick. Larsen unravels the chain from Strange’s fist, but Strange grabs a hold of it just as it was almost unraveled. He tugs the chain and pulls Larsen towards him. Strange wraps the chain around Larsen’s neck and pulls it tight.

HANKS: Strange is trying to choke Van Der Kamp with that chain.

MM: For some reason I get the feeling that this is nothing new for Mr. Strange.

Strange drags Larsen around the ring with the chain around his neck. Strange climbs up on the apron. He steps into the ring and drapes the chain on the top rope. Strange pulls on the chain and lifts Larsen off his feet. Larsen’s feet dangle as Strange hangs him with the chain. Strange laughs maniacally as Larsen’s face begins to turn blue. The ref pleads with Strange to let go, but Strange just keeps laughing. Larsen gasps for air and tries to pull the chain off his neck, but it’s wrapped to tightly. Finally Strange lets go. Larsen drops to the ground and gasps for air.

HANKS: I can’t believe this. Mr. Strange nearly killed Larsen Van Der Kamp, and he’s laughing about it.

MM: Welcome to the weird and twisted world of a madman.

HANKS: I don’t think I want to live in his world.

Strange climbs back out to the outside. He picks Larsen up and drags him over to the casket. He picks Larsen up and tries to dump him into the casket, but Larsen hits him with some hard elbows to the gut. Strange lets go and backs up. He runs at Larsen, but Larsen catches him with a Back Body Drop. He shoots Strange into the air, and strange hits his head on the edge of the casket on the way down. Strange hits the ground and clutches the back of his head. Larsen picks Strange up and tosses him into the ring. Larsen climbs up on the apron and scales the top rope. Strange gets up on his feet and Larsen leaps off the top rope. He crashes down onto Strange with a Standing Shooting Star Press. Larsen picks Strange up and whips him off the ropes. Strange bounces off the ropes, and Larsen catches him with a Hurricanranna. Strange rolls out of the ring to regroup.

HANKS: Larsen Van Der Kamp is refusing to let Strange set the tone of this match.

MM: If you allow someone like Mr. Strange set the tone, you are going to be in for a long and painful night.

Strange lies on his back and Larsen stands next to the ropes. He slingshots himself over the top rope and drops down on Strange with a Slingshot Leg Drop, but Strange rolls out of the way. Larsen drops down on the concrete. Strange lifts Larsen up to his feet. He sets lifts Larsen up in a Vertical Suplex position, then drives his head to the concrete with a Brainbuster. Strange gets up on his feet and picks Larsen up. He drags Larsen up the ramp. Strange stands at the edge of the ramp and points down at a conveniently placed table on the ground. Strange executes a ROYAL CRUSH off the ramp and through the table. The fans erupt and chant EWC! EWC! EWC!

HANKS: This match is beginning to get ugly.

MM: Really, I thought it got ugly back when Strange was choking Van Der Kamp with a chain.

HANKS: Good point.

Strange picks Larsen up and drags him to the ring. He throws Larsen into the ring. Strange rolls out of the ring and grabs the ring bell. He climbs into the ring with the bell in his hand. Strange places the bell in the middle of the ring. He picks Larsen up and executes a Front Russian Leg Sweep. On the way down Larsen's face hits the bell. Strange climbs up on the top rope. Larsen gets up on his feet. Strange dives off the top rope with a Double Axe Handle, but as he drops down Larsen hits him with a Superkick to the face. Strange stumbles back and leans against the ropes. Larsen picks up the bell and runs at Strange. Larsen hits Strange over the head with the bell. Strange flips over the top rope and drops down to the outside. Larsen climbs up to the top rope with the bell in his hands. Strange gets up on his feet and Larsen jumps off the top rope with the bell in his hands and nails Strange over the head with the bell on the way down. Strange drops down to the concrete and Larsen drops the bell.

HANKS: We are seeing a much more violent side of Larsen Van Der Kamp tonight. He’s not his usual composed self.

MM: Well, Mr. Strange has a way of bringing out the worst in people.

Larsen picks Strange up and throws him into the ring. Larsen goes underneath the ring and pulls out a table. He sets the table up on the outside of the ring. Larsen rolls into the ring and picks Strange up. He places Strange on the top turnbuckle facing the outside. Larsen steps out on the apron. He climbs up to the top rope and executes a Super Hurricanranna through the table. They drop down to the outside and Strange crashes head first through the table. The fans jump out of their seats and start chanting EWC! EWC! EWC! Larsen slowly gets up on his feet. He picks Strange up and throws him into the ring. Larsen climbs into the ring. He stands in the corner and jumps up to the top rope. He flips back and drops down on Strange with THE MEMORY REMAINS. Larsen rolls Strange onto the apron and pushes him into the open casket. Larsen climbs out of the ring and attempts to close the casket. As he closes it, Strange reaches his arm up and pushes it open before it could be completely closed. Strange reaches up with his other hand and grabs Larsen by the throat and begins choking him. Strange grabs Larsen by the throat with his other hand and pulls him into the casket. Strange chokes Larsen with both hands as both men sit in the casket. Strange pins him down and continues choking him. Larsen reaches up and scratches at Strange’s eyes. He sticks his thumb in Strange’s eye, and strange let’s out a combination of screams and laughs. Strange releases the choke and both men pull themselves out of the casket.

HANKS: There is nothing in this match that even resembles wrestling anymore. It has become a knock down, drag em’ out brawl.

MM: More like a fight for survival.

The two men begin to exchange hard blows to the head. Larsen ducks down and Spears Strange. He pushes Strange straight into the ringpost. Larsen grabs Strange and hits him with a hard knee to the gut. He grabs Strange by the head and rests it at the edge of the casket. Larsen grabs the cover of the casket and slams it down on Strange’s head repeatedly. The fans count along as he slams it down 10 times on Strange’s head. Larsen let’s go of Strange and he collapses down on the ground. Larsen climbs up on the apron. He leaps up to the top rope and dives off with a Swanton Bomb. Strange rolls out of the way and Larsen hits the concrete hard.

HANKS: Van Der Kamp put his body on the line, and it didn’t pay off for him.

MM: That’s the risk you take with high flying maneuvers. They only work if the target doesn’t move.

Strange slowly gets up on his feet. He grabs Larsen and DDTs him to the concrete. Strange picks Larsen up and throws him onto the broadcast table. Strange climbs into the ring and climbs up to the top rope. He dives off the top rope and drops down on Larsen with a Frog Splash. They both crash through the broadcast table. The fans again erupt with the chant of EWC! EWC! EWC! Strange is slow to get up on his feet. He picks Larsen up and drags him to the casket. Strange lifts Larsen onto his feet and dumps him into the casket. Strange attempts to close it, but as he drops the cover down Larsen gets his arm out. The casket closes, but Larsen’s arm gets crushed as it hangs out of the casket. Strange opens the casket and tries to push Larsen’s arm in, but Larsen sit up and hits him with some hard punches to the skull. Strange back away and Larsen stand in the casket. He jumps out and hits Strange with a Diving Spear.

HANKS: Mr. Strange almost had Van Der Kamp beaten, but Van Der Kamp is not ready to throw in the towel yet.

MM: The stakes are too high here tonight. Neither man will be able to pull off an easy win.

Larsen jumps up on the apron and climbs to the top rope as Strange gets up on his feet. Larsen reaches the top and Strange leaps up on the apron and scales the top rope with him. The two begin to exchange blows. After a few back and forth shots, Strange gets the upper hand. He hits Larsen with a punch to the head and wraps his arms around him. Strange delivers a Belly to Belly Suplex off the top rope. Larsen flies to the outside and lands in the casket. He lies in the casket with his head hanging over the edge. Strange drops the lid down hard onto Larsen’s head. Strange looks down at Larsen’s head crushed under the lid. He climbs up on the top rope and points down at the casket laughing.

HANKS: No, don’t do it!

Strange leaps off the top rope and flies down to the outside. He stomps down on the casket lid crushing Larsen’s head underneath. The fans gasp. Strange opens the lid of the casket and pushes Larsen’s head into it. He stands up on the apron and raises his arms in the air. The fans let out a deafening chorus of boos as Strange kicks the casket closed with his foot. The lid drops and closes. The bell rings and Strange steps on top of the casket and laughs with his hands raised in the air.

STROUP: Ladies and Gentlemen, here is your winner, the NEW EWC UNDISPUTED CHAMPION, MR. STRANGE!

Confetti drops from the rafters as Mr Strange is handed the EWC Undisputed Championship belt

HANKS: Wow, Mr Strange is our New EWC Champion

MM: Well the hunter is now about to become the hunted as he might just be facing down the three men that won the Rage in the Cage event tonight. For now, Strange will enjoy this victory...

Ladies and Gentleman thank you for watching StrangleMania VIII live here in Hershey Pennsylvania, signing off for Colin Hanks, I'm Mystery Man... See you next week in Ottawa when the EWC celebrates it's 13th Anniversary in the brand new EWC Stadium!

*END*

© THE EXTREME WRESTLING CORPORATION

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SPECIAL THANKS TO REV, GLADIATOR, HOWELL, CROSS & SHANE FOR HELPING WITH THE RESULTS