... We ALL Fall Down

[MERCENARY]

  ... We ALL fall down

A Mercenary story

Featuring:

The Mercenary Mike Mercer

Dalilah Ashe

Leather Cordowan

Thorn


Lady NightShade

It happened as things in life sometimes do: In a flash of feeling that ignores all logic. When he was with her Mercenary felt like a more solid version of himself. He liked being with her. The strength of her personality overwhelmed every doubt he’d harbored about being with her. Their age difference was no longer of consequence.  She was not, as he had feared at first, some fawning fan-girl living out a teenage fantasy of being with a man she’d made into some kind of false personal idol: Someone too innocent to be taken advantage of by he, the fallen hero of her youth. Instead the more he was with her the more he felt like the fumbling adolescent in the relationship. He felt like a novice in her presence. He had become a student in the ways of living life without apology, guilt, or regret. And though a part of him still struggled, the more he fought, the more he became wrapped up in the world she was opening up to him. He felt himself dying inside, but from that dead shell was born a new and more pure version of the man that he had always kept caged and hidden from view. He lost sight of everything and everyone else in his world… and that’s where it all started to go sideways.

*  *  *

  The music played loud and the crowd moved to answer its demand. Michael sat in his regular seat at the back of the club, far enough removed from the action that he felt comfortable thinking he was a part of it. Dalilah was dressed in a school girl skirt and leather coat, and she was draped across his lap like a security blanket, sipping a scotch and soda, and moving suggestively to the rhythm and the beat. In that moment, for him, the whole world was made up of her: The sight of her black and white beauty. The smell of her perfume and the sweat and skin underneath. The feel of her friction and the warmth of her form. There was nothing else in the world but this woman. He couldn’t see anything else… and he couldn’t see it coming.
Leather stood in front of them, backlit by the bar, the look on her face all hurt and confusion. Mike blinked when he saw her, the spell of the moment broken by the strange sight of a serious Leather Cordowan. He had become accustomed to the carefree woman that he admired so much for her lack of concern (a trait he had also discovered in Dalilah and was another thing he had come to like about her.) But this girl was serious… and seriously pissed off. It was Dalilah who broke the silence, giggling slightly as she spoke.


Dalilah: “BABY. There you are! I’ve been looking for you ALL DAY.” She reached out to her, trying to hold her hand. Leather slipped her grip, pulling roughly away from her.

Leather: “What is this? What are you doing… Michael?”

Mercenary looked confused, slow to understand the scenario. It was again Dalilah who answered.

Dalilah: “C’mon now babe. It’s not a big deal. We’re just… being friendly. There’s nothing wrong with making new friends is there? We can be friends can’t we? We can ALL be friends. With each other.” She smiled a flirtatious little grin and reached back to caress Mercer’s cheek. He flinched away from the contact and the reaction it brought to Leather’s features.

Leather: “Can I talk to you for a minute? D? I really need to talk to you for a minute? Right. Now.”

Dalilah sighed dramatically and hopped off of Mike’s lap, following Leather into a small seating area behind a privacy curtain. The muffled sound of their raised voices reached him and he shifted uncomfortably in his chair, taking a long gulp of strong, dark, liquor from a glass on the table next to him. He was overcome with a sudden infection of nerves and had to stand up to clear his head. A hand on his shoulder caused him to turn. Thorn’s expression made the hair on his neck stand up and for a second he felt like he was about to get hit.

Thorn: “What the fuck are you doing here bro? What the hell are you thinking about? Have you finally gone brain-dead from too many shots to the head?”

Merc was confused: “What the hell are you talkin’ about? What? Done what?”

Thorn: “That Dalilah chick bro. What? What do ya mean ‘what’? You’re up here messin’ around with Leather’s frickin’ girlfriend man! Are you kidding me? Are you so blinded by the prospect of barely legal ass that you can’t see what’s going on here?

Girlfriend? The phrase resounded in his head. Leather’s Girlfriend. He felt off balance and sick inside.

Merc: “Dalilah’s not Leather’s girlfriend. She said they were just hanging out. She said they were just having fun. Their not… DATING each other man. That’s just not right.”

Thorn: “Oh ‘SHE said.’ SHE told you that. SHE did. What did Leather say brother? What did your friend tell you about what they were to each other? Did you even ask her? Did you even ask the girl that’s as close to you as family? The girl that freakin’ loves you in every way one person can possibly love another person. You never did, did ya? Leather cares about that dumb little trick man, and you - YOU, of anyone else in the world - have been messing around with her. That’s just fucked up.”

The sick feeling in Mike’s stomach was turning into anger. He felt like he’d been back-jumped, taken off his guard, and beaten down like a punk. He didn’t like the feeling, and he didn’t like being accused.

Merc: “Why don’t you just back the fuck on up man. Seriously, take a damn step back! Don’t act like I’ve done something terrible just because I’ve finally, after failure after failure, found somebody who actually likes me for Me. She doesn’t want me to change myself. She doesn’t criticize me for feeling the way I feel. ‘You’re too intense Michael.’ ‘You’re too moody Michael.’ ‘Mike, why do you always seem like you’re somewhere else when we’re together?’ I’ve finally found a woman who accepts me for who I am, without apology, and you want to make me feel bad for feeling good for a change? Get the hell outta here man! I’m sorry if some puppy love was put to sleep in the process of me finding a little joy in this world that I mostly all the time hate.  But sometimes you just have to look after yourself. I mean it’s not like anyone else will.”

Thorn: “What is that shit supposed to mean? Leather looks at you like family. And Shade… I mean shit man, how can you say that kinda stuff to ME? My wife is basically in love with you because of all your dark and brooding bullshit, and I just let it slide because I trust her… AND I trust YOU! I stuck by you when everybody else took a powder. When the stable broke up… when the partners went away… when the girlfriends left you layin’... who the hell was there for you then? I mean damn it, you put me through a glass table in a match… put me on the shelf for six freakin’ months… and I never held it against you… not once! But NOBODY has ever been there for you before this trampy little goth freak who is clearly messing with your head? Total BS man. Total. I mean where are you right now? Where did my brother go?”

Merc: “I went where family always goes ‘brother’. I went my own way. And if you can’t handle that, maybe all the rest of you should do the same.”

  Thorn had nothing more to say. He stared at him, a mix of anger and disappointment on his face. He shook his head and chuckled with no humor before raising his open hands, palms out, in a sign of surrender. He backed away a few steps before turning on his heel and stalking off into the club, the crowd swallowing him whole as if he had never even existed at all.  Mike didn’t watch him go. Instead he went and threw aside the curtain to find the space no longer occupied. Leather and Dalilah both had gone. Despite the anger burning behind his eyes the guilt was returning as the indignant fury dissipated. He needed to talk to Leather. He needed to know the truth of things.
 
Climbing the back stairs to Leather’s private rooms he tried to think of what to say to her. In the whirlwind of Dalilah’s attention he had never thought to ask Leather about how she felt about it. Coming to the door at the end of the hall he knocked gently and called her name, and then again a little louder when no one answered. When he knocked a third time the door swung open slightly revealing the dark room on the other side lit only by the moonlight through the far wall of factory windows. Calling out to her again, he went in, switching on a lamp fixture on the wall by the door. The room was empty… completely empty. The drawers. The closet. The medicine cabinet. All empty. Her clothes were gone. Her toothbrush was gone. In fact the only thing that remained was a picture in a frame hanging beside the bed. It was a picture of Leather and Michael: Her head resting comfortable on his shoulder, both of them looking happy and contented. He remembered the day it was taken. He felt a lump in his massive throat. A voice from behind him brought his mind back to the empty room.

NightShade: “She’s gone Miklosh. She left about an hour ago. She said she needed some space to think. She seemed… sad.”

Merc: “I didn’t know Shade. I didn’t know she was that serious. I just didn’t see it.”

Shade: “Seems like you’ve been missing a lot lately. Seems like you can only see what that girl is showing you. And I’m not so sure that’s a good thing. She’s not good for you Michael.”

  Merc sighed and frowned, clenching his fists and teeth: “So now you’re going to judge me. Everybody wants to judge me. Everybody wants to tell me what’s wrong with me. My whole life I have spent taking care of other people… worrying about other people. The whole time I beat myself up. I tried to take care of my Mom. I payed to take care of a guy I hated just because I blamed myself for him getting hurt in a damn match. The whole time I listen to everyone else’s advice and wonder what the hell is wrong with me. But SHE sees me. She sees the good and the bad and the worse. She sees it all and she doesn’t care. It feels okay to be myself around her. I don’t have to front for her. I don’t have to hide from her. I don’t know what she was to Leather, but I know what she means to me. I didn’t want to hurt anybody, but I’m just so damn tired of having to worry about everyone else but myself. I need someone like her. I’ve needed her for a long damn time. I feel like she’s what I’ve been missing. With her I feel… real inside.”

NightShade smiled with sad eyes. She took Mercenary’s hand and brought it to her lips, kissing the palm gently and holding it to her cheek. Mike didn’t know how to react. He was stunned to silence.

Shade: “David and I are leaving tomorrow morning Michael. We’re going to New York for awhile. We feel like you need some time to figure things out. But I hope you know, that if you need us, we’re just a phone call or text away. We love you Mike. You’re the only family we have left. But we have to go for awhile. I hope you understand.”

Mike felt like yelling. He felt like she’d kicked him in the gut. His air was gone. When he finally answered her, it was barely above a whisper:

Merc: “Yeah. I do understand. You’re family… and family always leaves.”

There were tears in NightShade’s eyes when she let loose of his hand and slowly left the room. Mike sat down on the bed staring at nothing. He sat there for a very long time. He sat there until the first rays of the sun shone through the window glass. He sat there as the shadows stretched across the floor. When he heard the door to the garage open at street level he stiffly got up and went over to the window that overlooked the back of the building. He watched as a hearse black car drove from the heart of the building as the creaking door closed behind it. He could see them through the windshield - Thorn and NightShade… Dave and Darcy - two of the only people in the world that knew him well enough to say they knew him at all. He watched the car drive down the block and turn left at the light headed for the highway. He felt her there before she touched him. Dalilah pressed her face to his back and planted a small kiss. She massaged his shoulders with both hands. She whispered her words:

Dalilah: “I know. I know baby. I know it hurts you. You thought they knew you. You thought they were your family. And they were your family. They are your family. You love them. But love can make you weak if you spread it too thin. I know you have history with them, but history tends to fade when matters of the heart are involved. You don’t need them anymore Michael. They don’t know you. They don’t understand you. Not like I do. Not like I always will. You have ME now, and I am going to help you become who you were always meant to be. You don’t need them to make your heart happy because I’m your heart now. I’m you soul. I’m everything you need.”

She kissed his shoulder and rested her head there in a haunting reflection of the picture on the wall. They stood there together watching the empty street.

“I love you.” he whispered.

“I know.” she replied with a self satisfied smile.