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Post by Lance Fiennes on Dec 18, 2006 4:48:27 GMT -6
Olypsius runs into a hardware store, where he is subsequently smashed over the face with a sledgehammer and then pinned as the store owner turns out to be a ref.
1...
2...
3!!!
Lance takes the belt and jumps onto the top shelf of a stand advertising pots.
As Lance climbs to the top of the stand he notices Xavier already standing atop it.
Expecting a helping a hand from his substantially younger tag team partner Lance is shocked when Xavier violently smashes a clay vase over his cranium as he nears the top, sending him to the ground back first.
Xavier follows up with a Merriconism off the stand, connecting beautifully with Lance before making the cover.
1.....
2.....
3!!!
Xavier Grabs the belt and runs out the front doors of the store wand jumps onto a motorcycle before driving away.
Post by Lance Fiennes on Dec 18, 2006 5:52:09 GMT -6
Just as the motorcycle turns a corner, a great truck rams into it from the side. Merricon flies into a dumpster where he falls out, stands up, and is hit with the Lance Bomb onto the sidewalk. Lance pins him as a referee dressed as a homeless man jumps out and counts.
1...
2...
3!!!
Lance takes the belt, pats Xavier respectfully on the chest and gets into his Ferrari, conveniently parked right beside him. He drives off back to the Hardware store.
A smile adorning his face, lance flys down several side streets, the wind blowing in his hair, happy with his latest combat title victory and all when, suddenly, the car begins to stutter and break down.
Much to his dis-knowledge, Xavier had been planning this attack at the title for some time, having taken care of all escape plans, Xavier was certain to tamper with Lances engine.
Lance: f**k!!
Out of nowhere Xavier comes flying down the street on his motorcycle at tremendous speeds. Becoming worried Lance steps out of his car, only to be met by a trememdous clothesline from the bike-ridden Xavier.
Xavier puts on the brakes and goes for a pin.
1......
2......
3!!!
Grabbing the title and returning the favour to his mentor, Xavier hops back on the bike and launches away.
Post by Lance Fiennes on Dec 18, 2006 6:20:24 GMT -6
Suddenly Xavier's bike rides over some spikes laid out across the road and he spins out of control. Indeed, Lance's cunning was also noted in having anticipated Xavier heading down the most out-of-the-way street. Xavier flies off the crashing motorbike (the bike subsequently explodes) and breaks through a brick wall. Lance runs inside the ruins from where he was and pins Xavier as a random referee jumps from above dressed as a ninja.
1...
2...
3!!!
Lance takes the belt, buries Xavier in the bricks and then adds the further weight of two cars from nearby on top to try and keep him occupied when he wakes up. Then Lance lunges back into a new ferrari parked in a nearby garage owned by him, checks the engine and the like beforehand, and drives off towards Washington D.C. with the belt.
Having slipped out of the wreckage just before Lance had managed to entomb him under cars, Xavier some how makes incredible time on Lance, a little help from a conviniently placed shock pad on Lances groin not going unrecognised.
As he arrives in washington D.C Lance's balls go into an electrified frenzy, leaving him squirming on the ground just within the city limits.
It is a this point Xavier arrives in a pink buggie, belonging to one of his many willing female fans, this one being caring enough to give him a ride.
Xavier pins the squeling lance, the female fan pulling of her wigs and breasts, therefore revealing themselves as a referee.
1........... 2...... 3!!!!!
Xavier removes the shock pad, not wanting to over do the damage to his tag partner, before proceeding to throw lance into the back seat of the pink buggie.
With yet another bizzare twist, several dozen clowns begin jamming themselves in the car with Lance, squashing him and leaving him trapped as Xavier borrows one of their lime green unicycles and rides into the sunset.
Post by Lance Fiennes on Dec 18, 2006 6:36:41 GMT -6
But when they all turn out to be family relatives of Maddog, Lance capitalizes with his inherited abillity to kick Maddog's ass.
After slipping out of the car, leaving a heap of bloodied clowns to drink one anothers' blood, Lance runs up to the unicycle and kicks Xavier in the face. He falls off and hits his head against a jagged rock, knocking him out.
Lance pins Xavier as the referee catches up on a unicycle and begins to count...
1...
2...
3!!!
Lance takes the title belt and, after beating Xavier's limp, unconscious body with the unicycle, runs back into Washington and hides out in a Hardware store.
Due to the pure ownage of the unicylce, Xavier ditches it some 40 meters, sending it flying through the air in all its hot pink glory before striking lance it the head, just before he manages to enter the hardware store.
Xavier hobbles over to lance clutching his head, the concusion he just suffered still lingering. It is at this point Xavier notices the automatic doors closing on Lances skull over and over, he takes a moment to piss his pants with laughter before a fat man eating doritos, yes, a referee makes the count.
1.... 2.... 3!!!
Xavier grabs the belt, a runs into the outdoor living area.
Post by Lance Fiennes on Dec 18, 2006 6:51:13 GMT -6
Unbenownst to Xavier, the Hardware store has no outdoor living area. Subsequently, he keeps running around the store, hoping one will magically appear. After three circulations, Lance is up, having smashed the automated door to smithereens and then booting Xavier in the face as he comes along, Lance subsequently drags Xavier inside the store and grabs a hammer and some nails.
After hammering the long sleeves of Xavier Merricon into the wall, leaving him to hang there from his sleeves, Lance grabs a high-pressure water hose from Aisle 7 and straps it up to the water system. He hoses Merricon down, the pressure causing mass bruises across Xavier's chest. Lance then has the wall pushed over so it lays horizontally (it was a temporary wooden wall) and pins him in this state.
1...
2...
3!!!
After having been pinned, Xavier screams out incoherences as Lance then pulls the nail out of one sleeve. Immediately, Merricon goes for Lance's balls, but he's wearing nut-protection. Lance grabs Merricon's free arm and forces it down to level with his other, then tying both his arms together with rope. He pulls the nail out of his other arm and drags Xavier over to a garbage chute, where Xavier slides three storeys, his eyes widening at the sight of the trash compactor crushing trash below. Just before he reaches it, however, Lance switches off the trash compactor and Xavier sits at the bottom of a greased chute, stuck with his hands tied in a 2 metre by 2 metre metallic box of garbage-and-him while Lance, three storeys above on ground level, goes to serve a customer at his hardware store, with the Combat title on his shoulder...
Having recieved a fairly large sum of ownage from his tag partner, Xavier was more then suprised to find a rather odd Hobo named Dion sitting in the chute eating a mouldy pidgeon sandwich.
Xavier: GOD YOUR UGLY!!
Dion: What do you expect, I live in a garbage chute.
Xavier: Yeah yeah, whatever, I dont normally hang out with people who leave in greasy old chutes. Can you get me out of here?
Dion: For a large sum of money, say 5!?
Xavier: five freaking thousand dollars!?
Dion: No........five cents.
Xavier: Oh.
Xavier allows the hobo to get a 1 dollar bill (the hobo nearly passes out with excitement) from his pocket before Dion frees him with his trusty hobo Knife.
Xavier slides all the way down the chute and from there goes to Lance's hardware store. On arrival he waits at the counter, where Lance has his back turned to him, combat title slung over his shoulder.
Putting on a old man voice, Xavier speaks.
Xavier: Excuse me?
His back still turned Lance replies
Lance: What do you want?
Xavier: I was just wondering where your outdoor furniture department is....
Slowly turning around lance responds.
Lance: We dont have one of tho-
Xavier: NO s**t!!!
Xavier grabs a mallet and ditches it at Lances head, knocking him clean out.
He gets the cover, Lance's co-worker being the ref.
1....
2....
3!!!!
Xavier grabs the combat title....and Lance. He then places Lances head between yet another set of faulty automatic doors that begin closing on his head over and over.
Post by Lance Fiennes on Dec 18, 2006 7:09:38 GMT -6
At the strip club, he heads over to the "chubby women" lineup and sits back, closing his eyes and moaning with excitement as a porker starts giving him a lap dance. She has a name tag on her top that reads "Milly". Suddenly she starts speaking, and she has a deep voice.
Stripper- Hi there, hotty...
Xavier- Huh?
Yes, it's Lance in a fat-suit. Before Xavier can act, Lance smothers Xavier with his suit, causing him to pass out. He pins Xavier as another stripper turns out to be a ref with breast implants.
1...
2...
3!!!
Lance takes the title belt, strips off the fat suit, gets back into his clothes, and runs back to the hardware store where he smashes the automatic doors, replaces them with normal ones, and begins serving customers with a keen glare...
TBC.
Last Edit: Dec 18, 2006 7:11:52 GMT -6 by Lance Fiennes
Watching out for any signs of Xavier at his hardware store, Lance is shocked to see the youngster walking towards him, hand in hand with an extrodinarily gorgeous blonde.
Lance: Hey fat chick lover!!
Xavier: Actually, this is more my preference.
Says Xavier pointing to hot blonde.
Lance: She is pretty fine.......
Xavier: Shes got many talents.....
Lance: Ooooo, like what!?
Xavier: Like this!
In a freakish change of events Xavier grabs the blondes legs and to everyones suprise begins pummeling Lance with her, sending him to the ground. Xavier continues to beat him with the helpless women as Lance attempts to cover up. Unable to do so Lance is rendered incapable of fighting back, xavier goes for the pin.
The battered blonde turning out to be a ref.
1.... 2.... 3!!!
Xavier rides away on the ladies back. Once 20 or so meteres away xavier can be heard calling the women useless.
Post by Lance Fiennes on Dec 18, 2006 7:24:02 GMT -6
Suddenly a random black man comes along and beats the shit out of Xavier. When Lance comes along, he hands a two dollar bill to the guy and pins Xavier.
The man is actually a ref.
1...
2...
3!!!
Lance takes the belt, high-fives the guy, then when he turns around hits the Fiennes-O-Matic and lays him out over Merricon as Lance runs back into the hardware store to serve children regarding sledgehammers.
Having concluded selling the children nail tipped sledgehammers, which, of course he recommended for backyard wrestling Lance began to check the store, making sure the store was in good order.
As he went into the shovel isle, a little black kid, being one of the children to whom he had sold a sledgehammer struck him in the thigh, the nail piercing it.
Xavier laughed heartily before throwing the child through a window........ to avoid being struck himself.
Xavier gets the pin, another child being the ref.
1... 2... 3!!!
Xavier pulls Lance out the store and allows the children to massacre eachother inside it, doing exactly what their hero lance told them to.
Post by Lance Fiennes on Dec 18, 2006 7:34:54 GMT -6
Suddenly a shelf topples over and crushes the kids under a vat of rusty nails.
Lance suddenly slaps Xavier's hands away from his shirt, kicks him in the balls, and impales his head against a rock. He counts as a midget jumps out of a nearby pram dressed as a referee and counts.
1...
2...
3!!!
Lance takes the belt, stuffs Xavier into a gutter with the homeless man from earlier, and runs back inside to clean the store up.
As Xavier Lands in the gutter with homeless man he is met by the familiar cheesy grin of dion. Trying not to gag, Xavier listens.
Dion: Man I owe you big, you gave me one whole dollar!!
Xavier: How about this, I'll give you another fifty cents, yes fifty cents!! If you take out Lance.
Dion: WOW!! your on!!
The hobo runs up to Lance who is unable to resist the pungent odour of the dirty dion. Lance passes out and Xavier gets the cover.
A bleeding child impaled with several rusty nails makes the count.
1...... 2..... 3!!!
Xavier smiles, grabs the title and heads for the door.
Xavier: Oh! I almost forgot!!
Xavier throughs a 50c piece into the store, the sound of a coin dropping does however lure hundreds of the cities local hobos who rush in and begin destroying lances' store in a hobo brawl.
Xavier jumps grabs the dangling ladder of a helicopter, lands on a building, grads a hand glider and floats away, just in time to see the hardware stoor collapse with Lance and and a pile of hobos.
Post by Lance Fiennes on Dec 18, 2006 7:47:39 GMT -6
Then a comet flies into his glider and he falls through the roof of another Hardware store where Lance welcomes him as he lands in a bunch of hay-squares.
Lance covers him as a man dressed as a cowboy (a ref) counts...
1...
2...
3!!!
Lance takes the belt, sticks Xavier in a cannon, and shoots him (with a parachute...) into the sea....
Little did Lance know however, the dirty hobo dion was also in the cannon in search of that 50c piece. Having been jammed into the cannon Xavier used dion to keep himself in, put the parachute on dion (although incorrectly) and allowed him to be fired out whilst managing to stay in himself.
Xavier jumped out coated in ash, and quickly delivered the innuendo to Lance, a ref, a funny clown nearby counts.
1........ 2...... 3!!
Xavier then puts Lance in a portoloo nearby and slides lance down a busy street directly into a canyon where he miracolously lands on a fat irish tourist named jace walking hand in hand with his asian girlfriend ming ming. Lance survives, however still trapped.
Post by Lance Fiennes on Dec 18, 2006 8:08:37 GMT -6
Suddenly, the funny clown turns out to be Maddog, and he kicks Xavier in the nads and pins him as a ref counts 1... 2... 3!!!
Maddog takes the belt, suddenly feels like going to the toilet, and chases after the portaloo.
At the bottom, he lifts up the portaloo and opens it, Lance is ready to pounce and he does... spearing Maddog into the fat Irishman and DDTing him onto a rock. He pins Maddog as the tourist turns out to be a referee.
1...
2...
3!!!
Lance takes the belt from Maddog and jumps on a boat at the nearby harbour where he speeds off to New York harbour.
Post by Joey Orsome on Dec 18, 2006 15:44:29 GMT -6
There is Joey sat in a multi million dollar yoght. He spots Lance running like a girl across the docks. Joey chucks a load of icy water in front of Lance and he slips and smacks his head. Joey covers as his Yoda ref counts.
1..
2.. 3!!
joey takes the belt and hides it in his yoght tbc....
Post by {Impact Player} Olypsius on Dec 18, 2006 23:42:53 GMT -6
Christ in his tank blows up the boat sending Joey to lad next to Olyp, Olyp covers 1 2 3....Olypsius swims toi the boat grabbing the title then running away
Singles Record 10-12-1 Tag Record 3-7-0 EwC Accomplishment (1x) Television Champion
Post by Lance Fiennes on Dec 18, 2006 23:46:25 GMT -6
As Olypsius tries running on a boat like a moron, he trips into the water, where his collar hooks onto the rudder and he passes out after being unable to surface. Quickly, Lance jumps off the docks and retrieves Olypsius (inadvertantly saving his life). He drags him to shore and pins him on the beach as a crusy old man (a ref) counts.
1...
2...
3!!!
Lance takes the belt, smacks it against Andrew Christ's face as he runs along to stop him, and swims out to the boat where he gets in, turns it on, and speeds off to New York harbour.
When he gets there, he lunges out and heads to a nearby Hardware store where he smashes the automatic doors, ensures that no candy stores are in the area, triple checks for clowns, and finally sits at the counter, catching his breath with the title.
A man wearing a George Bush mask walks past Lance, followed by a mob of angry people, they all begin chasing him, the man turns out to be maddog, he takes off the mask and puts it on Lances head, the mob beat the shit outta Lance until he isn't moving. the maddog moves in and covers,
1
2
3
Maddog taks an american flag and then sticks it down Lances pants, then the mob begin beating him with bats and other kinds of sticks....
the inhabitants of this earth are of two sorts. those with brains, but no religion those with religion, but no brains
Post by Lance Fiennes on Dec 19, 2006 2:51:32 GMT -6
Sadly, at the time Olypsius would arrive in New Zealand, Australian forces had invaded and began massacring non-Aussies. Blood Streams escapes via. plane, but before landing, Lance Fiennes (the pilot) releases cabin pressure, causing Olypsius (and everyone else except Lance who is wearing an oxygen mask) to pass out. Lance lands the plane, throws Olypsius out, then takes his co-pilot, a referee, down to Olypsius' unconscious body at L.A. airport.
Lance pins Olypsius.
1...
2...
3!!!
Lance takes the title belt, heads out of the airport (after three hour long security) and gets into a conveniently parked Porsche of his. Lance drives off to the Los Angeles Hardware Store.
Post by Tommy Aero on Dec 19, 2006 14:13:51 GMT -6
In the Hardware store, Tommy is looking at hammers. Lance just happens to be beside Tommy, with the title in hand looking at tools. Tommy then takes the hammer and hits Lance in the head. Lance falls and Tommy pins. A employee makes the count. 1...2...3.
Tommy grabs the belt and continues to look around the hardware store
Post by Lance Fiennes on Dec 19, 2006 21:21:32 GMT -6
As Tommy looks around, he reaches the counter where Lance is standing with a fake beard.
Aero, amazingly, is fooled.
"Could I get that sledgehammer?" Aero asks.
"Would you like that across the head or in the gut?" Lance asks.
"Huh?" Aero grunts, confused.
Before he can react, Lance snatches a sledgehammer from the rack behind him and swings it around like a baseball bat, smacking Aero out for the count. Lance rips off the beard, sticks an ice pack on his head where he was hammered, and pins Aero as the employee, a ref, counts.
1...
2...
3!!!
Lance takes the belt, slips it over his shoulder, and stuffs Aero down the garbage chute, making sure to seal off the entrance and turn off the compactor at the bottom so Aero can live and survive on rubbish down in this hole...
Post by Hurricane Jeff on Dec 20, 2006 15:48:46 GMT -6
Hurricane Jeff just happens to be there and Super Kicks Lance right in the face knocking him out. HJ's Midget just happens to be working at that hardware store, so he makes the count.
1...2....3.
HJ grabs the title and he and the midget leave the store
EwC Accomplishments Current Combat Champ (4x) (First person to successfully retain the title and also won the title once as Max Carter) Former Undisputed Champ Former International Champ EWC Hall of Famer