Post by Robbie Rayder on May 21, 2020 9:34:47 GMT -6
May 21st, 2020
Alamo, California
I’ve been there.
It’s a scary place not knowing what to do, where to go, or who you can trust.
The stoic voice of Robbie Rayder is heard as the scene opens with Robbie standing in the spacious kitchen of their new home in Alamo, affectionately called the Candy Castle. Nothing out of the ordinary for Robbie to be fixing breakfast, but the portions being fixed are a little larger recently. The kitchen table behind Robbie shows three settings, instead of the usual two. The voice over continues as Robbie goes through the machinations of a three course breakfast.
I’ve been there.
It’s been a long time, a long road, and the journey continues each and every day with just a single step. Dealing with an addiction is a never ending struggle. Because it never truly goes away. And it only takes one slip, one mistake, one oops and you reset yourself back to zero.
Robbie finishes up the eggs, bacon and waffles, and places the three bowls in the middle of the table. He places fresh fruit beside one plate, syrup by the second, and a basket full of different sugary toppings beside a third.
I’ve been there.
It’s step 8 for our guest. But she is not in a race against anyone else. She is simply in a race against the only person who can beat her…. Herself.
He walks back over to the refrigerator and grabs a gallon of milk. Pouring three glasses, he places one beside of each plate. Placing the milk back in the fridge, he grabs a bottle of chocolate syrup and opens it. He turns the bottle over, letting the syrup fall into the glass beside of the third plate. Robbie waits a good 30 seconds, letting the syrup slowly pour into the glass. He shakes the bottle one last time then closes it and tosses it in the trash can.
I’ve been there.
Candy asked if I would be uncomfortable for me with Gabi here and I vehemently said No. One of the biggest things someone in recovery can have, is a sponsor, a lifeline, or just someone who can listen. It’s not about that person casting decisions or criticizing their actions or demeaning them because of what’s happened to the addict. An addict just wants to feed the addiction and make the pain go away. But what they need… is for someone to simply be there for them to fight against that want.
Gabi and Candy both walk in and sit at the table, Candy beside the basket of toppings as expected. She stirs her chocolate milk as Gabi grabs some food from each of the bowls. Candy grimaces and looks towards Robbie, who anticipated her reaction and hands her another bottle of chocolate syrup with a smile on his face. Robbie sits and the three continue to eat their breakfast with some small talk among the three.
I’ve been there.
The hardest part for anyone to acknowledge is the need for that help. Thinking you can do it cold turkey and kick the habit, is nearly as bad as being addicted to the substance. It takes time, guidance, focus: and many stop short of that end goal… of being free.
Robbie clears the dishes as Candy and Gabi leave the kitchen. He cleans up the kitchen then takes a step out onto the balcony, overlooking the pool.
It’s Step 2271 since my last mistake. But I had runs of 20 steps, 57 steps, and 145 steps before continuing on my current journey. Seeing Gabi take another step each day reminds me where I was, how far I’ve gone, and where I want to be… because.
I’ve been there.
Robbie sighs and gives a slight smile as the camera fades to black.