Post by JFS on May 26, 2021 19:08:44 GMT -6
- Author's Note 1, for full effect, listen to the song.
- Author's Note 2, the following contains mature subject matter.
He picks a piece of glass out of his arm as he dwells on it for a moment. The loss. He looks around at his locker room, Carley and Saidie both on their phones.
You should go.
Jordan hesitates for a moment.
“I’m gonna grab something out of the car, okay?”
Carley doesn’t even look up really, as she browses her social media.
“No problem, babe.”
“Hurry up I’m hungry I wanna get outta here.”
He takes a long look at both of them. He hesitates again. But then he goes. He doesn’t look back as he makes his way out of the arena and to his car, a rental. As he starts the engine and peels out, there is no more hesitation. He picks a direction and he drives.
What the hell are we doing? Where the hell are we going? WTF.
Shut the fuck up. He’s doing what he always does. Because he always loses when the pressure is on, doesn’t he? WrestleFest, StrangleMania .. it doesn’t matter. When he needs to win, he does what he does best. He fucking disappoints everyone.
Yooo do not listen to this guy. We locked him out for a reason. Stop at the 7/11, get some snacks, drive back. They’re not gonna know.
Do not give them any more disappointment. They do not need to see your stupid fucking face. They already do not care, do they? They’re just playing on their phones after you’ve lost your title. You should disappear. Why would they give a fuck.
We overcame this, we don’t need to let him speak for us anymore. We’re way past that.
“SHUT THE FUCK UP! JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP I NEED TIME TO THINK! I JUST NEED SOME FUCKING TIME TO THINK!”
He tosses his cellphone out the window.
I’m already winning.
He drives for hours. It seems like days. Before he knows it he ends up in a cabin in the woods he owns. One only he himself knows about. A little relic from the old days. It is here that he will host the greatest debate of his life; the one where he decides whether or not it continues. As the days turn to weeks, he knows that his face must be plastered everywhere. When he goes for supplies at the small general store a few miles down the mountain the old man gives him no trouble. He wears a baseball cap and he grows a beard. If he recognizes him, he doesn’t say so or care. Jordan likes it that way.
What, are you scared of me? That's embarassin'
If it wasn't for me, you would've never wrote Therapy
I've been here for you, but how come you're never there for me?
It's a little bit twisted, but I miss when you and I had scary dreams
So what if we lost the Indy Title? Is that all it’s about is Championships? We never went into this thinking we’d be champion, period!
Ahhhh but you got used to it didn’t you? Seeing the adoration in their eyes … They actually looked up to you, didn’t they? And what happened. Well. What always happens.
“I just can’t believe that I went to StrangleMania and lost again … three times now I’ve been there, the biggest event on the EWC calendar and three fucking times I’ve lost. THREE FUCKING TIMES!”
He sweeps everything off of his kitchen table in his cabin, taking a chair and throwing it at the wall as it breaks into pieces. He sits on the floor for a moment as we leave him for a day or so …
We got a lotta people watchin'
You told me that you don't want me in your life,
That's pretty hard to digest
And I told you I'd leave when we die, and we ain't died yet
Therapy Session was beautiful, Nate,
But I'm wonderin' what's comin' next
Yeah, get that stupid hat off of your head when I'm talkin' to you,
You hear what I said?
You don't like the prison I built you?
Yeah, you wanna know what the funny thing is?
You keep on talkin' to me like a stranger,
But we've been together since you were a kid, yeah
“Man why does she always get the cool stuff?”
A young Jordan Sharpe watches his sister Mallory play with the Barbie Power Wheels car she got for her birthday. She does donuts in the yard as he sits on the front step of their house.
“Come play with me Jordan!!”
“I don’t want to.”
He hadn’t gotten anything like that for his birthday. It stings him. He didn’t know why Mallory always got the good presents .. I guess because she’s the ‘baby.’ He retreats to his room, no longer wanting to watch.
Why don’t you just run away …. They’ll have to pay attention to you then ….
“What?”
If you just left, if you ran away, everyone would be out looking for you. You’d be the center of attention. They’d never forget you after that. All the good presents would be yours and little Mally would go back to where she belongs. Second place.
“I’m not really supposed to go places on my own ..”
So you’re going to let them tell you what to do for the rest of your life? There’s a big woods out back. I don’t think they’d find you for days … you should just go.
“Well maybe I will …”
Don’t tell anyone. Go out the back door.
Took us from a no-name
Told you everything was okay
Now you tryna cut me out of it like I ain't never been a part of it
I am the heart of it, I made this whole thing
Yeah, I put us on the dope stage
You must have no brain
What's the point of having guns if you can't aim?
What's the point of having blood with no veins?
What's the point of having love with no pain?
What I'm sayin' is me without you doesn't make any sense
I know I'm intense in controlling,
But you need to learn how to cope with it
That's just the way that it is
If you didn't want me to live in your house,
You shouldn't have let me move in
It's comfortable here and I like it,
I got my own room and everything
It don't get better than this!
He stares at the fire in his fireplace as he shakes his head.
“I fucking got to where I came from IN SPITE of you, not BECAUSE of you! And I fucking told you to leave a long fucking time ago. You’re not fucking WANTED ANYMORE!”
Ohh that’s how it is, huh? Without my fucking pushing you would have never made it off of the couch you fucking slob. Without my help you would have joked on your fast food by now. It was me that asked ‘what if he could?’ Remember? You think all those nights with the razor in your hand mean nothing? You think they didn’t make you who you are because now you have fucking ‘FAMILY’ and you don’t need to hear it anymore? You were nothing without me. You ARE nothing without me. Forgetting about me is the worst thing you ever did. Because you got fucking sloppy.
He hangs his head, knowing that he’s probably right. He throws a log on the fire. It doesn’t warm him. Another couple days go by.
'Bout your hands on the coldest nights
You didn't tell 'em 'bout the times you and I used to hold the mic
I mean, what are you, outta your mind?
'Cause both of us will be, come on, let's go outside!
Is this what you wanted?
Both of us out in the open? Let's do it then
I mean, why are you doin' this?
I know that you're mad, but I'm not in the mood for this
He’s outside the house, chopping wood now. One of the only things that passes the daylight.
This is just a setback for us …. Don’t listen to the shit he says … We still got a long ways to go, we still gotta lot of shit to do. Remember we said we were gonna win the Rumble this year? We can still do that! There’s no reason to do what we’re doing right now, we just need a little strength buddy but we can go back.
“I just need a little more time … I don’t know what to do ... “
We understand that. But we don’t want us to hurt ourselves. We CAN’T listen to him.
You think you have all of the answers don’t you? Maybe he won’t hurt himself, maybe he’ll hurt Carley or Saidie. You never know. You saw how he always throws things.
Shut the fuck up. We would never hurt them. They mean the world to us.
Are you sure? His whole career is built on doing things he didn’t think he could do. What’s one more?
He thinks about this … another day goes by.
He stares at the noose for a long time. Runs his fingers over it.
Good boy.
He pulls on it a bit, tests its strength. It’s strong enough. Stares at it some more.
Finally you’ve come to your senses. Here we’ll hang for the rest of eternity, or at least till someone hiking notices you or something. It’s a fitting end for a miserable existence of disappointment, isn’t it? I told you to start, now I’m telling you to end it. And you’ve always listened to me. No longer will you be a burden on their lives. You’ll be free now, Jordan.
Can we at least say something?
“What …”
Think of what the fuck we’re doing here. After EVERYTHING that has happened, we’re really gonna go out like this? In some shitty cabin in the middle of nowhere? Jordan Freaking Sharpe is going to die, like this? Running from everything? Imagine what Carley, Saidie and everyone we love are going through right now. What about our fucking family, man? What about 3C? What about the Faithful Heroes? What about the people CHANTING OUR FUCKING NAME? You’re gonna let him tell us that means nothing? Because we lost a fucking wrestling match? This shit is worth our life? WAKE THE FUCK UP! LOOK AT WHAT WE’RE DOING! Picture their faces when they see what we’ve done here Jordan! They’re already crying because they don’t know where we went, now this is the closure we give them? You want to miss Saidie winning her first title? You wanna miss Gabi’s wedding? YOUR OWN WEDDING? You wanna miss training Candy and Robbie’s kid to wrestle? DO WHAT’S RIGHT. FUCKING IDIOT!”
He steps back …
“Ohh FUCK!”
You had me scared for a second, I thought we were diggin' my grave
We did, what, you don't like bein' afraid?
It's a dose of your own medicine
What, you don't like how it tastes?
My therapist told me don't bury my issues
But I'ma be honest, man, I'm feelin' great!
Don’t fucking listen to hi-----
No. You’re done. Never again will we hear from you. We got a life now, and you’re never fucking needed again. This is the last time you get a voice. You’re fucking buried. You had your fucking moment, and it’s done now. You fucking understand us?
There is no answer.
Jordan scrambles back from the noose, into the corner of the cabin. He breathes very heavy, his eyes wide, sweat on his forehead.
“Jesus fucking Christ. What the fuck am I doing?”
He puts his head in his hands and tries to regain his sanity composure.
“I need to get the fuck out of here and get back to my life. What in the fuck am I doing? I’m not a fucking kid anymore I can’t just run away. I am going to need to ask for forgiveness but that’ll come. We need to get back. We need to get back to the EWC. So what if I lost the Indy Championship, you cannot win every fucking match. I know that. Christ. What was I thinking? I was this fucking close to ….”
He lets out a sigh.
“Life is not about wins or losses, it’s about living. It’s about knowing when to keep going when you feel that darkness, that voice that tells you you’re worthless .. You shut it the fuck up.”
Ohhh it’s good to have us back, buddy. We were worried there for a moment.
“Me too. Now we need to find a phone …. "
Tellin' me you want your room back, that's funny;
What, you ain't got nowhere to sleep?
I'ma just look out the window and laugh at you,
This is crazy to me
'Cause I thought you had me in prison this whole time,
But I'm the one holdin' the keys
FIN
