Post by TheSouthernExpress on Dec 27, 2022 15:31:24 GMT -6
The camera opens in the kitchen of Xavier Reid’s New York City Townhouse where we find the lovely Bunny Love cooking up a storm for the holiday season. Piles of Gingerbread Men are stacked on the counter with their little white frosting sleeves, their little green frosting button, their little red frosting bow ties and their little white frosting eyes and smiles. She smooths out a large section of dough and with her gingerbread cutout starts punching a new set of cookies while Deck the Halls is playing in the background…
“🎵Deck the halls with boughs of holly…fa la la la la…la la la al…🎵”
She picks up the rows of gingerbread men and places them on a cookie sheet…
“🎵Tis the season to be jolly…fa la la la la…la la la la…🎵”
She turns the timer that’s sitting on the counter to
“🎵Don we now our gay apparel…fa la la la la la…la la la la…🎵”
She opens the over and places the next tray of cookies on the middle rack and closes the door with her hip…
“🎵Troll the ancient Yuletide carol…fa la la la la…la la la la…🎵”
She walks back over to the cutting boards and spreads the flower down on the board as she picks up another chunk of dough and begins working in the flower…
“🎵See the blazing yule before is…fa la la la la…la la🎵 OH SHIT!!!”
Her festive singing is interrupted by her phone ringing. She looks on the counter and sees the faces of her beloved tag team The Southern Express trying to FaceTime her. She looks at her dough/flowered hands and back at her phone and shrugs as she bends down and using her nose she hits the talk button. A shirtless Bobby Rose and Jimmy Lane fill the screen as they are sitting back on a beach somewhere…
“Let me guess, after one week of retirement you knocked up some poor girls and have to UN-RETIRE to pay these ladies off…”
The boys smile as they lower their sunglasses…
“Nope, we took care of that…”
“Yeah, we got vasectomies while in South Africa, Mayor Phalatse said the state would ‘take care of it’ since we planned to spend some time in Johannesburg in 2023…”
“Said something about ‘not needing an influx of newborns in the country’…”
The two men shrug as they both rub their ‘balls area’...
“Jimmy here got a fresh new haircut ‘down stairs’...in fact they had to get a ‘weed whacker’ to take care of that ‘overgrown bush’ he calls crotch…”
“Haha, Bobby came in with ‘hardwood floors’ if you catch my driff…”
“Yep, waxed myself the night before, I didn’t want some dude down there shaving my nut shack…”
Bunny shakes her head and laughs as she looks behind her…
“Alexa, stop playing the song!!!”
From the other room we hear the scruffed voice of a very popular wrestling Podcaster, in typical ‘HEEL” manner…
“OH THANK GOD!!! If I have to hear that song one God Damn time I might 🎵Fa La La La La🎵 fucking blow my 🎵Fa La La La La🎵 Brains out!!!”
The boys smile as they sit up close to the phone that appears to be attached to a selfie stick they stuck in the sand so they could be ‘hands free’...
“Is that Deimos…”
“You didn’t change the locks when you moved into Xavier’s place?”
Bunny shakes her head…
“No, he was here when we got back from South Africa and DOESN’T LEAVE THE PLACE, he gets everything uber or doordash to him…”
“THAT’S RIGHT, I was here before you and I’ll be here long after Xavier comes to his senses, realizes he’s dating a Love and trades you in for a younger, more flexible tart!!!”
Bunny spins around, her festive jolly mood seemingly gone in a flash of rage…
“I WILL FUCKING SLIT YOUR THROAT IN YOUR SLEEP!!!”
Bobby and Jimmy both draw back into their beach chairs…
“Easy there tiger…”
“While we have no doubt you’d be the ‘boss bitch’ in prison and would get all the fresh meat to scissor your little brains out with but murdering Deimos isn’t really worth it…”
“Yeah, if you’re going to be sent to prison, make it for something good like killing your father or King Flip…”
“Yeah, do the world a service or at the very least help to clear Xavier’s path on Brawl…”
The two men smirk as the high five as Bunny exhales, letting go of her anger…
“I’m fine, Deimos, you better behave because Ricco is watching…”
“Who the hell is Ricco?”
Bunny smiles as she nods to an Elf hanging upside down from the wine rack…
“Ricco is Deimos’ Elf on the Shelf…I got him to make sure he’s a good boy and stops masterbating in the front room where we ALL WATCH TV!!!”
“It’s where the big screen is Bunny and I like Big Butts and I Can Not Lie!!!”
“STOP JERKING OFF ALL ON ALL THE PILLOWS DAMN IT!!!!”
She exhales again and smiles at the Express…
“So, where the hell are you two anyways? I have cookies and Christmas gifts to send you…”
Bobby and Jimmy smiles back into the phone…
“We are down under…”
“Drinking some Fosters and headbutting some Kangeroos…”
From the other room we hear the scruffed voice of the 2022 5th place finisher in the category for Wrestling News and Information podcast…
“You stole that from Entourage, season 2, episode 7 The Sundance Kid from Ari Gold when he’s talking to Vince and E about doing Harvey’s movie Tapping the Source which was going to film in Australia instead of waiting on James Cameroon’s Aquaman…which Warner Bros should have made with Adrian Grenier instead of Jason Momoa…that’s why I fucking hate DC…”
Bunny turns back around once again…
“NOBODY CARES WHAT YOU THINK YOU IDIOT!!!”
Bunny turns back to the screen and smiles…
“Can you bring me back one of those koala bears? Are you two going to go see Harold and Eugene while you’re there…shit, are they still alive???”
Bunny smiles turns to fear, the two old men that Eddie Dozier and Tyler Bradford abused at the TLC Aged Care home were pretty old back in 2021 and Bunny feared that maybe they were no longer with us but Bobby smiles as he reaches out towards the phone…
“Not only did we see them, we sprung them from the place for the day…”
“Yeah, funny story, we hired two ‘dancers’ to show up for a birthday and when they were stripping we grabbed their chairs and wheeled them out…”
“Mind you they were pretty pissed at first, seeing as they wanted to ‘motorboat the whores’ but we promised them we’d get them laid before taking them home…see, hey guys say hello to Bunny!!!”
Bobby turns the phone around to show Harold walking around with a metal detector cumming the sand for loot as Eugene is being buried up to his neck by a few young beach goers…
“Make sure you watch them closely, you don’t want them wandering off into the water and getting eaten by sharks…”
But before the Express can answer the doorbell rings and Deimos nearly falls over trying to race to the door…
“OUT OF MY WAY…”
He comes racing around the corner and looks at the trio…
“God I hope that’s FedEx with my Queen Melody Malone sex doll…”
Deimos spots and looks at Bunny and the Express on the screen…
“What, Tommy told me about this place in China that will ignore all copyright laws and use anyone’s face in their dolls for an extra $100…I bought Buddy a Gabi Visconty doll and Xavier a Samantha Hamilton doll…”
He smiles at Bunny who shakes her head…
“They are tag team partners, you idiot…”
“Yeah you keep telling yourself that…”
Deimos raises his eyebrows as he walks out of the room and towards the door. From the other room we hear..
“Finally, it’s about…oh hey, you’re not FedEx…”
“Holy shit, you’re Deimos from The Heel Turn Podcast…I love your show man…wait, is this Xavier Reid’s place…”
“Maybe…maybe not…just so you know I sleep naked and if you’re thinking about breaking in just know this, you only get 25 years in prison for Rape here in New York while you get life for Murder…I’ll easily do 25 years just to prove the point YOU DON’T BREAK INTO XAVIER REID’S HOUSE!!!”
“Jesus Deimos…”
Bunny shakes her head as Bobby and Jimmy laugh…
“No sir, I’m not going to break in…I just…I have this…this…is there a Bunny Love here…”
“Maybe, maybe not…who’s asking…”
“DEIMOS!!!”
Bunny walks out of the kitchen and into the hallway and sees the door. There is Deimos holding a young man by his jacket…
“Let him down you idiot…I’m Bunny Love…”
The man’s eyes widen…
“I’m a big fan of yours also, yours and The Southern Express…are they here too…”
From the other room we hear the voice of Bobby and Jimmy…
“No, well yeah but only via FaceTime…we are…”
“Don’t tell him where we are, I’m not willing to rape someone who breaks into our hotel room…”
“Right…no we aren’t here and we don’t know where they are so stop asking…”
“Nice job Bobby!!!”
Bunny shakes her head and wonders what she did in a past life to deserve this but the man holds up an envelope and a clipboard…
“I need you to sign this Miss Love…”
“Don’t sign anything Bunny, it could be a trap…”
“Shut up Deimos…”
Bunny grabs the clipboard and signs her name and the man hands her the envelope…
“Miss Love you have been hereby served!!!”
“See it was a trap…get the fuck out of here you trapster!!!”
Deimos spins the man around and kicks him in the ass as he slams the door shut on him…Bunny looks confused as she rips open the envelope and pulls out the papers and starts reading…
“What’s going on…”
“Is a paternity lawsuit…just get your friend to jerk off into a bottle and sneak it into the room under your nutsack, you can block out the medical person while jerking out your own sample and slowly and carefully pour your friends sample into your sample bottle and BOOM, ‘You’re NOT THE FATHER!!!’...”
“You idiot, it doesn’t work that way anymore…”
“Oh yeah, they do a blood test now…ok listen…”
But Bunny ignores Jimmy’s plan for ‘blood switching’ as she reads the letter from Nexstar Media Group…she looks up and asks…
“Who the fuck are Nexstar Media Group and why are they threatening to sue me a Breach of Contract?”
Bunny looks down at the paperwork confused as Deimos shakes his head and walks over towards her…
“Nexstar Media Group BOUGHT the CW Bunny, Jesus…don’t you pay attention to matters that concern you? You do know that Paramount is on the CW right?”
Bunny flips Deimos off…
“Yeah fuckface, I know that…I’ve been on the road you know….WORKING IN THE BUSINESS and not sitting around TALKING ABOUT THE BUSINESS!!!”
Deimos grabs the legal document out of her hands and looks it over…
“I wouldn’t call standing outside the ring and then laying flat on your back or down on all fours for Xavier ‘WORKING IN THE BUSINESS’ but you are your mother’s daughter…”
Bunny grabs Xavier’s 2014 UKWF Wrestler of the Year award off the shelf and throws it at Deimos’ head but he ducks in just in time and the statue breaks against the wall…
“You know Xavier won that because he beat his father…he loves that trophy and loved his time in the UK especially because he was nailing a little nutjob named Kat Vaughn and she hated my guts also BUT I OUTLASTED HER JUST LIKE I’LL OUTLAST YOU!!! NOW…”
Deimos waves the letter in the air at Bunny…
“Seems you signed a Three Year Contract with Paramount and the CW when you brought The Southern Express over…”
Bunny seems to have calmed down for a moment as she looks at Deimos…
“Yeah…I brokered the deal with Chris Brock…”
“And he used some of the CW’s money to pay out the signing bonus needed to ‘sweeten the pot’...”
Bobby smiles and nods…
“We used our cuts to spend three nights at the Bunny Ranch for the Lamar Odom Package…”
“Minus the heart attack and stroke…”
“Yeah we don’t need the help of sexual enhancement pills…”
Deimos smirks at the Express…
“What about the cocaine and booze…”
Bobby and Jimmy smirk and point at their ears as if they couldn’t hear him…
“Anyways, you signed this deal with Paramount and the CW, a partnership if you will and since these two retired you have no team to manager….ie you are in Breach of Contract with the CW…now Nexstar Media Group and they are threatening legal actions over this…”
Deimos hands Bunny back the letter and shrugs…
“Professionally speaking you’re screwed because they retired…”
Bobby and Jimmy look at one another and then at the phone…
“Well it seems like you have a lot on your plate at the moment kid…”
“Yeah, we don’t want to keep you…”
“We’ll touch base with you before the award show and let you know our travel schedule…”
“Yeah and remember…don’t drop the soap!!!”
They laugh as they end the FaceTime leaving Bunny stunned and looking down at the letter. Deimos smirks as he looks at Bunny and then turns to face the kitchen…
“Alexa, play Jailhouse Rock by Elvis…”
Deimos starts to do his Elvis dance as the music plays
"🎵Bunny going to spend some time in the county jail…🎵"
Deimos smiles as the camera fades out
