Post by Emma Louise on Jan 19, 2023 19:23:45 GMT -6
Chapter One: Hey One Question: What the Hell?
The first question that has to be asked with anything is ‘what the hell?’ It’s the first question we ask ourselves after every event in our lives. An invitation to a relation’s wedding arives and the first question is ‘what the hell am I going to wear?’ Follow-up questions like ‘What the hell is my partner going to wear?’ and ‘What the hell am I going to get the happy couple as a gift’ soon follow. On the flip side of the coin, when life goes wrong for any way, the first question is still ‘what the hell?’ ‘What the hell happened?’ ‘What the hell am I going to do now?’. Answering this question is always.....
“What the hell are you reading now Selina?”
“It’s called a book. In the olden days, before kindles, pads and devices, we had these things called books. You would turn the pages as you read the thing. These ‘books’ would have information or they would tell stories about magical fantasy lands.” Selina tells him.
“I know what a fucking book is. Believe it or not, I’m not really stupid. I wanted to know what the hell is the title.”
“Exactly!”
“What?”
“What the hell is the title.”
“You talking in riddles again Selina? You know I can’t stand riddles. Masked Singer, I don’t even watch the video packages because they baffle me so.”
“You know, Bruce, sometimes you are really bloody thick!”
She pushes the book cover into his face.
“What the hell is the title of the book! It’s called ‘What The Hell?’ Jesus!”
“Well I didn’t know.”
Selina takes a bite of a sandwich and goes back to her book.
“How have you still got food left?”
“Oh for fu…!”
Selina puts her bookmark in her book and puts it in her bag.
“I have a lunch hour. Give or take the five minutes it takes me to get here, five minutes back, I have a lunch fifty minutes. That means I have fifty minutes to gently consume my food so that I do not spend my afternoon suffering from cramps from eating too fast. And then there is you. You come down here and you gorge whatever concoction you’ve made yourself in anything from ten to fifteen minutes and now you have half an hour with nothing better to do but pester ME!”
“I had coronation chicken.”
“I know. I can still smell it. It looks and smells like shit.”
“No it doesn’t. You ever tried it?”
“No! And I don’t wanna.”
They sit in silence for a moment.
“Did you see who was in today?”
“Who?”
“Mary Lou.”
“What!?”
“Straight up. Lisa thought she saw her getting off the lift.”
“Probably someone that looks like her. In the right light, Daniel looks a bit like her. Similar hair.”
“That’s what I thought. Then I was down at the store cupboard and I saw her with my own eyes.”
“Probably in filling forms or something about her time off.”
“Maybe. I didn’t think she’d be back in the building before the end of the year. I mean three people died!”
“Hang on. Store cupboard? Who was it this time?”
Bruce grins.
“Kathleen.”
“You do know that you are not paid to hump your way through your co-workers? At this point the number you haven't fucked must be nearing single figures.”
“It’s not always my fault.”
“Not your fault? You came back from Ibiza three weeks ago. You have been back at work for what is now ten days. How many have been ‘in the store cupboard’ with you?”
“Fourteen.”
“Fourteen?”
“In my defense a couple of them came to my place over the weekend.”
“Fuck sake! They should have you tested.”
“I’m just doing my bit.”
“You’ve done everyone else’s bit!”
Bruce shrugs.
“OK. Talk me through it. I wanna know what powers or mystical spells you use.”
“OK but be warned, you may not be able to resist me.”
“Don’t see that happening but carry on.”
“In the case of Kathleen earlier. We were sitting at our desks, working away. She sighed and said she was bored. I said I had an idea about a fun way to pass the time.”
“And?”
“And I made a motion using just my pen, my thumb and my finger. She was like ‘sure’. And well… “
“I’m getting wet thinking about it.”
“Really?"
“Dear god no! But I do need a piss. You have literally bored it out of me with that story. I need to go back in or I really will have wet panties.”
“Ha! You haven’t finished your yoghurt.”
“I’ll eat it on the train.”
“The idea of you licking yogurt off your spoon while on the train gets me going.”
“You really are one sick, depraved bastard aren’t you Bruce?”
“I may have to stop at the eighth floor and see Maria.”
“I’m gonna be sick. I really need to go.”
Selina grabs her bag and runs toward a large building in the distance behind them. Bruce looks out at the park he was sitting in. He stretches and places his hands behind his head.
”Yes, women LOVE me.”