A beautiful fuckin’ disaster

[Deleted]

She looked at me
through the foggy blur of song
I don’t remember the music
but I remember the taste of her kiss
it had the salt and slip of the sea
i’ll see you tomorrow she whispered
and left
and that was my best night
not for the time we had
but because in a kiss and a promise
she gave me
the infinite hope of tomorrow

—————————————————————

A beautiful fuckin’ disaster

What happens in Nova Scotia stays in Nova Scotia.

That’s what we told each other as l held her in my arms that night, but as soon as the words escaped my lips I knew I was lying to myself. I think we both did.

Just one night would never be enough...

—————————————————————

September 13th
San Francisco International Airport

“Last call for the 22:40 flight to Reno, Nevada... boarding now...”

Home is where the heart is, right? So why do I feel like I’m running away... running away from what Cyrus? I knew the answer even before the question popped into my noggin’.

Because you don’t deserve her. You don’t deserve that life.

As I took my seat on the plane and stared out of the window towards the runway, my mind drifted towards Dominic Sanders recent outburst...

”You’re still one of those evils. For a man like yourself to sit there and do what you’ve done to America’s Most Hated… did you think I was just going to let it go? Did you think that I was going to turn a blind eye to the fact that you lured Melody away from Draco Lazarus and caused him to bolt from this company?”

Is that really how it happened? Damn, l’ll need a few drinks once we take off if I’m going to dissect this situation. They’ll be carrying me off the plane by the time I’m done, but I can’t put it off. I need to figure this out for myself because I can’t pretend that this doesn’t mean something to me... that she doesn’t mean something to me...

Was I to blame? Had I used my powers of persuasion and charm to tempt Melody into an illicit affair, and as a consequence ripped the FSW and EWCs King and Queen apart, causing the King to abandoned his throne and disappear into the night? Was it all just one big ploy to fracture America’s Most Hated, making me some kind of evil genius in disguise? If that’s the truth then Keyser Söze ain’t got nothing on me. It’s a cute and simple story, one more suited for a soap opera I think, and I very much doubt that Dominic truly believes that that’s how it all actually played out. For life is rarely that black and white. As I’ve always preached, it’s different shades of grey.

However Dominic’s ill-timed rant did leave me wondering to myself, how did this all begin? How did I go from inadvertently booting Melody in the head at an FSW event to weeks later both of us drinking champagne with nothing but a thin bed sheet covering our bare bodies as Melody sat on my lap and we looked out across the Halifax waterfront on the balcony of top suite at the Lord Nelson hotel... I mean I know I offered to buy her dinner as way of saying sorry for my idiotic actions but I’d definitely gone above and beyond with that apology. I hope the rest of the EWC roster don’t expect the same kind of treatment whenever I fuck up. I couldn’t imagine Dr Pyscho cuddling up to me while we took in the view from the balcony at the Ritz, his big bare ass squashing my fuckin’ knee.

I let out a laugh that was a little too loud, causing half the plane to turn around and glare at me. These Vodka miniatures are clearly going down a treat.

In all seriousness that’s how this all started between myself and Melody. A sincere gesture of dinner, nothing more and nothing less. I had no devious plan to seduce her nor did she with me. You can accuse me of being many things, but a cheat isn’t... or wasn’t... one of them. I grew up watching both my parents commit countless infidelities towards one another, and most of those times I was present to watch the act go down. My mother would take me to the dive bar on the corner of our street, and I’d sit at the end of the bar with a coke while I watched her carelessly throw herself at every man... or women who dared to make eye contact with her. And that was before i’d even hit my teens, and when my Mother was gone for days at a time my Father would order me to sit quietly in my room and play with my toys while he brought home a different female every night... probably from the same dive bar my Mother frequented... and I’d have to listen while they done the dirty deeds in the next room. I know what being unfaithful does to people, to families, to relationships. It destroys everything in its path, the ramifications are far reaching and they last a lifetime.

And this is where Dominic got it wrong... he opened his mouth and threw Melody under the bus without knowing the facts... because whatever happened between her and Draco, the issues they faced, started long before I entered the scene. Melody hadn’t told me anything about her relationship, and I hadn’t pried. And yet that night in Nova Scotia I couldn’t help myself from asking...

“Why Draco?”
“I thought I said no talking about work.”
“It’s not work I’m asking about.”

The silence spoke louder than any other words that had parted from our lips that night. I knew I shouldn’t have asked the question, but like any fool sitting in front of a pretty girl, i had to open my big mouth.

“I suppose… he gave me something no one else did. I felt like I belonged somewhere. To something. Someone. It’s like, imagine the way you felt when you met Kyle and Dave. You found kindred spirits and the world flipped on you, right? It made me feel like I could take on the world.”
“Not kindred spirits though, you’re not like Draco.”
“Maybe I’m more like him than you think… now, my turn. If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you be?”
“Here. Now. What kind of feeling are you getting here, tonight, with me?”

At a PRIME viewing party just before Night of Champions I remember Kyle telling me that Melody wasn’t exactly like Draco. And after just one conversation with her that night I witnessed it for myself. On the outside I saw a confident, intelligent and fiery women who played me at my own game, matching my flirty playful comments every step of the way... she was every bit the queen she claimed to be and more and yet for the first time when I really looked at her and I paid attention I saw something else behind her beauty... not a sadness... but a longing for something different, something more. I saw a fire inside of her that couldn’t be contained any longer and maybe in that moment even though I didn’t realize it at the time, as my gaze sunk further into the deep blue and green ocean that was her eyes, I had already fallen down that rabbit hole. Who knows. I do know what happened next though.

Thunder in Nova Scotia. One invitation later and there we both were after the show in that hotel suite, drinking the night away. Even at that point, neither of us ever meant for things to go further. We both knew what the consequences of our actions would be if we did. If it was only ever meant to be a sordid one night stand then we would have stopped after we’d finished drinking the mini bar dry and said our goodbyes. No way would either of us have risked our careers over a nothing fling, and yet we didn’t stop. As my shirt was torn off and thrown on the floor, her dress delicately placed beside it i knew this was wrong... but I didn’t care. In that moment I needed her just as much as she needed me. I was her warmth, and she was my peace. We were each other’s escape from the world around us. And then two days of bliss in that hotel were gone in the blink of an eye and that was that. Or was it...

Despite what anybody believes we did try and keep our hands to ourselves once we were back in the states. We fought temptation as hard we could, and tried to keep what happened in Canada.. in Canada. That’s the trouble with feelings though, you can’t click your fingers and make them disappear. And after my war with Dominic in Atlanta, when I was physically and emotionally shattered Melody was right there, by my side, helping me when I needed it most. And then we got to California, and there we were again. Different city. Different hotel suite. Same outcome.

And that leads me to this morning. I lay in bed with Melody close beside me, the beat of her heart soothing my aches and pains like some kind of magical elixir, and all the while all I could think of was that this was never the life I was meant to live. I wasn’t born to be a king, and I certainly haven’t earned the right to have a queen in my arms. So these feelings I had towards Melody that continued to grow with every passing second were almost alien to me. I always believed that I came into this world alone so I’ll go out the same way. And I’m ok with that, because you can’t outrun your destiny. Or your name... it’s in your DNA.

I booked the first flight I could out of the golden state earlier today, and now here I am. Sitting on a plane, homeward bound. To heal, and to contemplate... because what happens next... are we doomed to fail? Possibly. After all she is a Lazarus. And I’m a Black. We were cursed from the minute we were born, and maybe that’s what’s drawn us together. The odds are stacked against us in a million different ways. I came to one conclusion though... she was worth the risk, and when it’s all said and done maybe this’ll end in disaster, but one things for sure, it’ll be a beautiful fuckin’ disaster.

Whatever happens? Happens.