Post by Nightcall on Feb 7, 2021 15:00:47 GMT -6
SCENE ONE
FADE IN:
INT. OCEANSIDE BAR - NIGHT
Scene cold opens to a crowded bar. There is a murmur followed by some laughter. An act’s sendoff leads to a short applause. A VENTRILOQUIST and his DUMMY go up to the bar’s counter and the man gestures to the vodka. Bartender pours him a shot and he immediately downs it. The ventriloquist looks over and sees a sunglasses-wearing NIGHTCALL taking a drink from an already empty glass. He goes over to him.
VENTRILOQUIST
Hey there stranger. Want to go someplace where only the doll can witness?
Hey there stranger. Want to go someplace where only the doll can witness?
Nightcall stares down at his glass.
NIGHTCALL
I don't know if it's you, the puppet, or the vodka talking.
I don't know if it's you, the puppet, or the vodka talking.
Nightcall looks up at the camera.
NIGHTCALL
Sit tight folks — it's that kind of movie.
Sit tight folks — it's that kind of movie.
VENTRILOQUIST
You’re funny. Say, I’m going to go use the little dummy’s room for a minute. Mind keeping an eye on my friend here? If you be a good boy we’ll see what else gets used tonight.
You’re funny. Say, I’m going to go use the little dummy’s room for a minute. Mind keeping an eye on my friend here? If you be a good boy we’ll see what else gets used tonight.
The ventriloquist gets up from the barstool, scratches his ass, and heads to the John. NC doesn’t look up at the doll when he speaks.
NIGHTCALL
He’s comin' off a little strong. Tell him to switch to jello shots. I like a little foreplay.
He’s comin' off a little strong. Tell him to switch to jello shots. I like a little foreplay.
Dummy rotates its head to face him. The doll's mouth pops open and closed when it talks.
DUMMY
Jolly good to see you again, Night Light. Big changes have occurred since you've been on sabbatical. Soon the West Coast will be under our control. You’ve returned too little, too late. The night belongs to us now. You should have stayed in Mexico. You're a tootsie roll, my friend. A tootsie roll that’s fallen on an anthill.
Jolly good to see you again, Night Light. Big changes have occurred since you've been on sabbatical. Soon the West Coast will be under our control. You’ve returned too little, too late. The night belongs to us now. You should have stayed in Mexico. You're a tootsie roll, my friend. A tootsie roll that’s fallen on an anthill.
NIGHTCALL
Stop. You're giving me a woody.
Stop. You're giving me a woody.
DUMMY
Crack your jokes dear fellow. Your barber told the best one.
Crack your jokes dear fellow. Your barber told the best one.
NIGHTCALL
That’s not bad, brah. Hair insults. Very timely. Put it in your boy's act. As fresh as ventriloquism.
That’s not bad, brah. Hair insults. Very timely. Put it in your boy's act. As fresh as ventriloquism.
DUMMY
Verily well. There is an act that doesn’t get old my friend. A classic. Two ruffians wiping that droll smirk off of your face!
Verily well. There is an act that doesn’t get old my friend. A classic. Two ruffians wiping that droll smirk off of your face!
Dummy lifts its block of a hand up, pointing behind NC. NC turns and peers over at a couple of men seated at a nearby table. They stare daggers at him. NC glances back at the doll.
NIGHTCALL
They don't look like much.
They don't look like much.
DUMMY
Would I lie?
Would I lie?
NIGHTCALL
Your lips are movin' ain't they?
Your lips are movin' ain't they?
NC finishes his already finished glass. He stares back at them again.
NIGHTCALL
Do they tell jokes too?
Do they tell jokes too?
DUMMY
I don't know. Maybe you should share that inquiry with them.
I don't know. Maybe you should share that inquiry with them.
NC leaves his cup and walks over to the table. They look him over.
NIGHTCALL
Knock knock.
Knock knock.
Nightcall flips the table over and it's on. The cronies throw a simultaneous punch that grazes their knuckles. The men make each other flinch. NC kicks one and he backs up into a jukebox. It goes from playing one copyright licensed song to another. NC does some kung fu chops in the other guy’s face. The guy's arm falls off. The one who has all of his limbs tries to flee. Nightcall breaks the table’s support and throws the top like a discus, catching him in the spine. Nightcall goes over and stands on the table, testing it as a surfboard. He shakes his head. Everybody around them is unaffected by anything happening.
Nightcall turns back to the dummy but the dummy is gone. He then examines the torn arm and sees a logo. A green silhouette of a woman’s face repeating. Voiceover.
NIGHTCALL (V.O.)
Girls Scouts of America? But this isn’t their turf...
Girls Scouts of America? But this isn’t their turf...
Camera freezes on Nightcall’s confused face. A techno bop found on Youtube Audio Library plays. Title card reads SCOUTWAVE and proceeding intro credits roll.
SCENE TWO
EXT. PARKING DECK – NIGHT
The voiceover continues with pan shots of cars and the deck are shown.
NIGHTCALL (V.O.)
I’ve been gone too long. These streets smell of sulfur. There are shadows dancing on building bricks. How can I take back the night when I left it to rot? I went to Mexico to study the art of karate, but at what cost? Where are the heroes? I cannot do this alone. I need a detective.
I’ve been gone too long. These streets smell of sulfur. There are shadows dancing on building bricks. How can I take back the night when I left it to rot? I went to Mexico to study the art of karate, but at what cost? Where are the heroes? I cannot do this alone. I need a detective.
Nightcall stands across from TRICK DACY, an older gentlemen in a trillby and trenchcoat.
TRICK DACY
They’re moving product north of Hollywood. That’s all I know.
They’re moving product north of Hollywood. That’s all I know.
NIGHTCALL
Bullshit.
Bullshit.
TRICK DACY
That’s all I know, Night Dude. Take my advice – go hang out with your friends. Leave this to the pros, alright?
That’s all I know, Night Dude. Take my advice – go hang out with your friends. Leave this to the pros, alright?
NIGHTCALL
Like hell I will.
Like hell I will.
TRICK DACY
You’re the best non-cop on the force, but this is bigger than both of us.
You’re the best non-cop on the force, but this is bigger than both of us.
NIGHTCALL
You’ve been on the beat. You’ve heard talk around this town. Tell me brah, what are they saying about these girls?
You’ve been on the beat. You’ve heard talk around this town. Tell me brah, what are they saying about these girls?
TRICK DACY
They’re cooking something up on the beach tomorrow.
They’re cooking something up on the beach tomorrow.
NIGHTCALL
Was that so hard?
Was that so hard?
NC turns and leaves.
TRICK DACY
Oh! Before you go...
Oh! Before you go...
Trick Dacy pulls out a blowgun and spits a dart into Nightcall’s neck. He staggers.
TRICK DACY
Nothing personal, kid. It's all about the dough. The cookie dough.
Nothing personal, kid. It's all about the dough. The cookie dough.
NC crawls on the ground.
NIGHTCALL
Weaksauce pun...it hurts so much...
Weaksauce pun...it hurts so much...
NC is gasping to speak.
NIGHTCALL
And this movie could’ve went...two hours longer... now it's a mini...you overzealous... motherfuhhh...
And this movie could’ve went...two hours longer... now it's a mini...you overzealous... motherfuhhh...
Nightcall sleeps. Everything goes to black. The voice of SORTA SAM ELLIOT narrates.
SORTA SAM ELLIOTT
Darkness warshed over The Night Dude - darker'n a black steer's tookus on a moonless prairie night. There was no bottom.
Darkness warshed over The Night Dude - darker'n a black steer's tookus on a moonless prairie night. There was no bottom.
SCENE THREE
EXT. BEACH – DAY
Nightcall wakes up with sand in his face. He is still wearing his glasses. A whole battalion of girl scouts surround him.
NIGHTCALL
I see that you’re all prepared.
I see that you’re all prepared.
A long and epic fight scene ensues. Nightcall emerges victorious atop a wave of scouts. If you wanted details you should've read a non-scripted CD.
He observes the mound of adolescent humanity below him. He raises an eyebrow to the camera.
NIGHTCALL
That’s just how the kiddie crumbles.
That’s just how the kiddie crumbles.
There are strange splashing noises. Nightcall gazes back at the horizon. The sun is setting (yes it was morning but we don’t have time to correct this mistake in post okay viewers will assume he fought the c***s all day). Dummy emerges on the beach but the doll has made driftwood, seaweed, and other parts of the pier around him part of a giant suit. It’s a wooden mech. Ohhh yeah.
NIGHTCALL
Did not sea this coming.
Did not sea this coming.
DUMMY
Playtime is over, Night Light!
Playtime is over, Night Light!
Dummyzilla thing throws the first corroded, splinter-filled punch. It lands on NC’s cheek with a graphic visual. He falls into the pile of scouts. A few wee ones tumble off. The giant doll ambles towards him, picking up one pony-tailed lass and chunking her at him. NC dodges. NC runs between the mech’s legs and stomps at what would be the calves. Dummy goes to its knees, but not before twisting around and firing a spear at Nightcall. It grazes his arm. NC scoops up a handful of sand and throws it into the doll’s face, blinding him. Mecha Dummy staggers and NC hits him with the Stunset Boulevard – a one-armed Stunner. Dummy falls on his planks for knees. A scene from earlier replays like a dream:
NIGHTCALL (V.O.)
...I went to Mexico to study the art of karate...
...I went to Mexico to study the art of karate...
Nightcall musters up his courage to deliver a Californian Buzzsaw Kick. It's the Japanese one, but appropriated. The kick is enough to make the dummy’s head pop off, exposing it as a mask this whole time. The face glaring back is Trick Dacy.
TRICK DACY
ARGH!
ARGH!
NIGHTCALL
Aww c’mon now things are getting silly here.
Aww c’mon now things are getting silly here.
The police start flooding the beach in their patrol cars. Nightcall breaks a piece of the mech’s leg off and stands on it, testing it out as a surfboard. One OFFICER comes up to our hero.
OFFICER
Can you make sense of any of this to me, Night Dude?
Can you make sense of any of this to me, Night Dude?
NIGHTCALL
A dick was in bed with little girls.
A dick was in bed with little girls.
OFFICER
Is-is that really what happened?
Is-is that really what happened?
NIGHTCALL
Scout’s honor.
Scout’s honor.
Generic rock music ushers in the end as Nightcall lifts his sunglasses up and rests them on top of his head. He faces the cop.
NIGHTCALL
There wasn’t much of a brawl here. I'm gonna go find another.
There wasn’t much of a brawl here. I'm gonna go find another.
He turns and casually walks into the Pacific Ocean. His head submerges and he disappears.
END CREDITS
POST CREDIT SCENE
INT. BASEMENT SOMEPLACE - NIGHT
A STRANGE MAN carries the dummy mask downstairs into a basement full of oddities and knickknacks. There are empty containers spread out in near-ceremonial fashion. The man locks the mask up and talks to himself.
STRANGE MAN
One down, five to go. Maybe. Depends on budget and critical reception. I don’t want to give anybody’s hopes up here.
One down, five to go. Maybe. Depends on budget and critical reception. I don’t want to give anybody’s hopes up here.
FADE OUT:
For you who read this silly homage to bad 80/90s tv movies and wordplay, thank you. It's been a year of isolated self-reflection/misery/enlightenment on my end but I'm finding my way back to writing for fun bit by bit. I don't know if it'll ever manifest in a successful run in an efed again, but I will give it another try. It's been great talking on Discord with a few of you guys though. Does this count as Character Development? Do I even have a character here? Idk. But it feels good to write. I think that's why we're all here. Even when wrestling sucks, creating worlds never does.
Neurotically yours,
Spidey
