FNR - Luanda, Angola - 2/27/10

[Sedition: The Rev]

NARRATOR:
Years ago an underground promotion began, which between the years of 2000-2004 became a cult phenomenon. The SWA reached new highs in wrestling athleticism, and some say reached new lows in barbarism and on screen violence and gore. Censors worked overtime, parents protested outside arenas day and night, human rights activists filed law suits..... and then mysteriously disappeared, which we might add had absolutely nothing to do with Rev and Gladiator, regardless of what that episode of Unsolved Mysteries had to say.

President Mac took a gamble when he agreed to sign Rev and Gladiator as General Managers of Rampage. Some said their management style was too barbaric for a civilized promotion such as EWC, others said they'd cross the line and air something that was bound to get EWC taken off the air, and others claimed that it was only a matter if time before they turned a once respected and classy organization into a three ring freak show circus.

Tonight, as Friday Night Rampage pays tribute to the SWA, all of those people get the chance to say...



WE TOLD YOU SO!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Friday Night Rampage General Managers, The Rev and Gladiator, are backstage laughing and high fiving each other. We pick up in mid conversation.*

REV: Remember that time we got so tired of hearing John Stevens complain that we shot him in the face in front of a live television audience?

GLADIATOR: Hahahahaha.

REV: Hahahahahahaha.

GLADIATOR: And remember that time Mr. Kiljoy fell into a tub of acid, and when the doctors asked how he got the chemical burns we blamed it on him falling asleep in a tanning bed?

REV: Hahahahahahaha.

GLADIATOR: Hahahahaha.

REV: Remember when Marty Jannetty begged us for a job, and we only kept him around because we thought he was Eddie Van Halen, and then when we found out who he was I tried to knife him?

GLADIATOR: Hahahahaha.

REV: Hahahahahahaha.

*The laughs die down. Awkward silence follows.*

GLADIATOR: I wonder what he's up to these days.

REV: Selling Amway last I heard.

*Awkward silence continues.*

GLADIATOR: Well good for him.

REV: He deserves some success.

*Another silence.*

REV: Hey, remember the time when we forced Joe Aiello to broadcast our show by threatening to kill his family.

GLADIATOR: Oh yeah! Those were the days.

Rev and Gladiator walk over to a piano where Montacor the head monkey is sitting. Montacor begins to play and Rev and Gladiator break into a modified version of the song “Those Were the Days”.

GLADIATOR: Boy, the way Sledjhamma fought, wars with the guy who did the Golden Shot.
Don't forget the STD's Skippy caught. Those were the days.

REV: Didn't need no King Of The Cage. Everybody fought for minimum wage.
Some were even underage. Those were the days.

GLADIATOR: Hey wasn't Rat Fink the man, Gavin Storm didn't have a tan.
Mister, we could use a man like Hardcore Hobo again.

REV: Our roster seemed to be content. They didn't even cost us a cent.
Too bad we never paid our rent. Those were the days.

GLADIATOR: Teen Throb had that stupid grin, Lex Luthor never seemed to win.
Hey remember Mr. Killjoy, I wonder where he has been.

REV: The losers always lost with grace. They were never on our case.
Stoon and Misfit got shot in the face.

REV & GLADIATOR (Together) Those Were The Dayyyyyyyyysssssss!

Montacor tips his hat bows and runs off the screen.

REV: Who was the guy who did the Golden Shot again?

GLADIATOR: Scaramanga.

REV: Oh yeah. The big fat guy.... Fletch Baxter is no Scaramanga.

GLADIATOR: Got that right! David Arquette is no Joe Aiello.

REV: No sir!

Rev and Gladiator sit and ponder for a moment.

GLADIATOR: I have an idea. Remember the time when we had Dr. Rosen program Joe Aiello to shamelessly promote Sedition interests on Brawl.

REV: Best 5 bucks we ever spent.

GLADIATOR: I had her try another experimental treatment on him. We called it Project Fat Italian Candidate. Observe.

Gadiator picks up his phone. He dials a number and it goes to a split screen with Joe Aiello. Joe answers his phone.

AIELLO: Hello.

GLADIATOR: Joe?

AIELLO: Yes.

GLADIATOR: Joe Aiello?

AIELLO: Yes.

GLADIATOR: Joseph Aiello?

Joe falls into a trance.

AIELLO: Yes.

GLADIATOR: You will come to the arena. Remove the threat of the ADD kid David Arquette, and assume broadcast responsibilities.

AIELLO: Yes my master.

Rev grabs the phone and pulls it to his ear.

REV: And on your way here, pick up a dozen jelly donuts and two hot smoothies.

AIELLO: Yes my master.

Joe hangs up the phone and walks out the door like a zombie.

________________________________________


LIVE from Johannesburg, South Africa

*The crowd in Luanda are on their feet. Chants can be heard all over the arena of EWC! EWC! EWC! David Arquette and Scott Caan are waiting at ringside.*

ARQUETTE: The fans here in Angola are loving EWC, or as they call it here in Angola...........

CAAN: The official language here is Portuguese.

ARQUETTE: And what would the Portuguese call it?

CAAN: EWC.

ARQUETTE: Oh

CAAN: -redacted-.

ARQUETTE: Tonight the EWC goes SWA style. Rev and Gladiator have been warning the roster that things are too easy for them here, so they've upped the ante and are booking this show in traditional SWA style. That means the violence is more extreme, the rules are out the window, and someone may or may not be shot in the face by the end of the night. And why here tonight in Angola?

CAAN: They're hoping International Human Rights Laws won't apply here.

ARQUETTE: You know that explains a lot about our location tonight.

CAAN: Tonight's show is so big, so action packed, so out of control that words alone can't describe it! That's why we have these fancy graphics to flash on your screen.

_________________________________________________

ON TONIGHT'S EPISODE


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UNDERCARD ONE
REGULAR MATCH

Bryce Bridges
-vs-
Kip Kutler



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UNDERCARD TWO
RAMPAGE vs BRAWL

Larsen Van Der Kamp
-vs-
Pence Weatherlight



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UNDERCARD THREE
EXTREME COMBAT RULES

Captain Insanity
-vs-
Teen Throb



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UNDERCARD FOUR
SCAFFOLD ABOVE A RING LITTERED WITH RUSTY NAILS MATCH

French Montana
-vs-
Moses Lake



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LEGENDS MATCH
(SWA Tribute Triple Threat)

Michael Saint

-vs-

Hurricane Jeff

-vs-

Kid Cactus



___________________________________________

CAAN: That main event will be one for the history books.

ARQUETTE: To begin with we bring you Bryce Bridges latest attempt to reclaim the spotlight. Despite the fact he's been on a roll lately, and last night basically schooled Sedition lacky Skippy Mohophosite, it's the same old story. Rev and Gladiator refuse to give Bryce Bridges a break. Here he lands back in the opening match, where I know he's not happy to be.


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REGULAR MATCH

Bryce Bridges -vs- Kip Kutler

Edge of Seventeen by Jonas hits the PA system as the lights turn pink and green. He walks with a cocky undertone, getting booed every step of the way. Once at the apron, he takes a step back, gets a running start and slides into the ring. He goes to the turnbuckle and climbs to the second rope. He makes a chicken wing with his right arm, taunting for the roaring elbow. He climbs down from the turnbuckle. The lights go back to normal and the music fades out as Bryce prepares for the upcoming match.

"Stricken" by Disturbed blares throughout the arena as the fans begin booing as Kip Kutler appears at the top of the stage; He looks one direction then the other and crosses his arm out in the form of a cross and flex's. Kip makes his way down the ramp and rolls into the ring. A spotlight shines down on top of him in the centre of the ring. He drops to one knee and raises his arms up and flex's. He heads to the corner and climbs to the second rope and flexes again as he mocks the fans as they boo.

Both men walk to the center of the ring and stare down each other, trash talking each other. All hell breaks loose and both men begin punching each other. Bridges gets the upper hand and punches Kutler to the corner and then throws him to the opposite corner. Bridges charges after him and nails a clothesline and then grabs Kutler’s head and delivers a running bulldog out of the corner.

Bridges makes a cover and Kutler kicks out. Bridges picks Kutler up and gives him a European uppercut followed quickly by a snap suplex. Bridges turns Kutler over to his stomach and grabs Kutler’s ankle, but Kutler quickly gets to the ropes. Bridges backs off and Kutler gets up. They lock up, but Kutler pokes Bridges in the eye and then gives Bridges a back breaker and makes a cover.

1....2.... kick out.

Kutler whips Bridges to the corner and runs after him. Bridges gets his foot up in time, connecting with Kutler’s face. Bridges hops up to the middle ropes and drives off, nailing a clothesline. Both men get up and Bridges punches Kutler to the ropes and then throws Kutler into the ropes. Kutler comes running towards Bridges and Bridges delivers a back body drop. The fans cheer at the impact of Kutler’s fall. Kutler gets up holding his back. Bridges nails an Ensiguri. Bridges quickly makes a cover, hooking the leg.

1........

2.......



Kick out

ARQUETTE: Bryce Bridges and Kip Kutler are exchanging pinfall attempts here.

CAAN: This is must win for both of them.

Bridges picks Kutler up and goes for a cradle piledriver, but Kutler counters, sending Bridges to the mat. Kutler hooks Bridges’ legs and slingshot him into the corner. Bridges bounces out and Kutler hits the Spinebuster and makes a cover.

1.....2..... kick out.

The both begin chopping each other and Bridges ducks a chop and knocks Kutler down with a super kick. The ref just happens to be behind and Bridges bumps into him when he got hit with the super kick. Kutler checks the ref Bridges his Kutler with a spear and makes the cover. There’s no referee to make the count.

CAAN: Come on, get on the ball ref!

ARQUETTE: We should start providing our refs with helmets for protection

CAAN: You'd think after years of this happening in our business someone would pitch that idea.

Bridges gets up and wakes the referee up. Bridges turns around and ducks a clothesline from Kutler and delivers a Tornado DDT. Bridges makes the cover

1........2....... Kick out.

Bridges is pissed and argues with the ref. Bridges then goes over and picks Kutler up and sets him up for the Lyon Bomb but Kutler falls to the mat. Bridges kicks Kutler in the back and pulls him to his feet. Bridges delivers a belly-to-belly suplex. Bridges makes a quick cover.

1 ..


2



…3



Winner: Bryce Bridges

ARQUETTE: Look at that? Bryce Bridges got through the match without an interference from Rev and Gladiator.

CAAN: They're too preoccupied playing Manchurian Candidate backstage.

*Bryce Bridges is walking down the aisle celebrating. He steps within inches of the camera lens and starts yelling.*

BRYCE: I want Rev or Gladiator in the ring. Have the guts face me one on one you cowards!

*Bryce Bridges continues his exit muttering insults about The Sedition under his breath.

ARQUETTE: Bryce Bridges calls out either Rev and Gladiator. He wants a match with the bosses.

CAAN: He knows it has to be one on one if he ever wants a fair shot at them.

ARQUETTE: Can you really blame the guy? He's been dumped on for the last 2 months.

CAAN: I can tell you two guys who Bryce Bridges has to be jealous of. Pence Weatherlight and Larsen Van Der Kamp. Pence is the reigning king of Brawl, but with troubles as of late behind the scenes on Brawl, Pence has been kept out of the action for almost the entire month.

ARQUETTE: Never the less, he is what many people consider the best Brawl has to offer.

CAAN: And after last week, newcomer Larsen Van Der Kamp has secured his position as Rampage's top gun. He shocked the world by winning the main event last week, beating French Montana, Fletch Baxter and Captain Insanity. He now has a guaranteed title shot at Stranglemania, where one can only guess he'll face Mr. Strange, who earned his title shot at the Rumble in the Bronx.

ARQUETTE: You know Pence is dying to be in that main event. There's no telling how many people can be booked. Maybe if Pence can pull off a win against the undefeated Van Der Kamp management will consider him. This is Brawl vs Rampage, an exclusive cross brand match.

_______________________

*We cut to a shot of Joe Aiello, fixed in a hypnotic trance walking the wrong way down a street in Luannda. Cars in oncoming traffic swerve out of the way to avoid hitting him.*

AIELLO: Remove the threat of the ADD kid, assume broadcast responsibilities......... pick up jelly donuts and hot smoothies..... Hummmmmmmm

TO BE CONTINUED

[Sedition: The Rev]

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BRAWL VS RAMPAGE
Larsen Van Der Kamp -vs- Pence Weatherlight

]

Larsen Van Der Kamp makes his way towards the ring. He walks to the ring at slow pace, but remains completely focused on the ring. He ignores the fans, and steps into the ring. He sits up on the top turnbuckle and waits for his opponent.

Chriqui: Introducing forst. Residing now in Johannesburg, South Africa. Weighing in at two hundred and twenty nine pounds. He is...LARSEN VAN DER KAMP!!!!

The Xtreme-Otron bursts to static as the lights all dim down and begin to flash different colors at random, the fans turn their eyes to the entrance ramp, as all the light go out. A voice comes out over the speakers saying "Baby don't fear the Reaper." and then the lights come on. "Everything" by Pillar hits the speakers now and the lights begin to flicker red, white, and blue. The fans all begin to cheer as Pence emerges on to the Entrance ramp wearing a red, white, and blue vest with a pair of black and blue shorts, he salutes the fans who all begin to chant "Mr. Main Event". Pence makes his way down to the ring, slapping hands, and taking poses so that the fans can take pictures of him. He finally makes it into the ring and then jumps up on to one of the turnbuckles and flexes. He then jumps down and repeats the process on the opposite sides turnbuckle, before finally jumping down, and going to the middle, he begins to pace looking at the entrance ramp, awaiting his opponent.

Chriqui: Introducing his opponent. Hailing from Hershey, Pennsylvania. Weighing in at two hundred and fifty pounds. Mr. Main Event. He is PENCE WEATHERLIGHT!!!!

Both men square off and circle each other like wolves about to pounce. Van Der Kamp makes the first move with a collar tie up on Pence. Both men struggle for control and break the hold. Both men entangle again in a collar tie up and Pence pushes Van Der Kamp to the corner. Larsen breaks the hold and the referee breaks Pence from the hold. Both men slowly move back to the middle of the ring. Larsen attempts a single leg takedown, but Pence moves out of the way and drops an elbow to the back of Larsen's head. Pence quickly gets back to his feet and executes another elbow drop followed by a leg drop. Larsen quickly rolled out of the ring.

Arquette: Larsen quickly rolls out of the ring to avoid this onslaught from Pence.

Caan: It looks like Pence is fired up and really looking to impress people here tonight on Rampage.

The camera focuses back on Larsen and Pence. Pence is chasing Larsen around the outside of the ring. Larsen rolls under the bottom rope and quickly gets to his feet. As Pence rolls under the bottom rope, Larsen kicks Pence in the head and begins to stomp on him. Pence quickly grabs the ropes and the referee forces Larsen back. Pence slowly makes it to his feet and faces off against Larsen once again. Both men tie up in a collar tie up again, this time Pence kicks Larsen in the stomach and lifts him in the air over his shoulder in an Oklahoma Salm. Before Pence can send Larsen to the mat, Larsen wiggles and lands behind Pence with Pence's head in a reverse DDT. larsen hits the mat with force and quickly bounces back to his feet. Pencequickly rools outside the ring and tries to regain his composure. Larsen runs the ropes and executes a flying body press over the top rope. Pence moves out of the way and Larsen lands with a thud. Pence quickly pounces on Larsen and begins to stomp him on the ground.

Referee: 1...2...3...

Pence grabs Larsen by the hair and lifts him to his feet. Pence Irish Whips Larsen into the barricade outside the ring three times. Larsen crumples to his knees holding his mid section. Pence throws his hands in the air and begins to celebrate the beating his is unleashing on Larsen.

Referee: 4...5...6....

Pence rolls under the bottom rope and breaks the ten count and quickly rolls back outside. He stalks Larsen again, but when he attempts to Irish Whip Larsen into the barricade again, Larsen reverses the momentum and hoists Pence in the air dropping him chest first onto the barricade. Larsen quicky rolls under the bottom rope as Pence lies on the outside.

Referee: 1...2...3

Pence makes it to his feet.

Referee: 4...5...6...

Pence stumbles towards the apron.

Referee: 7...8...

Pence rolls under the bottom rope and breaks the referees ten count.

Arquette: Pence is cutting it close there.

Larsen quickly goes on the attack and begins to stomp and punch Pence. Larsen pulls Pence up to his feet and hoists him in the air in a vertical suplex and drops him face first in a facebuster. Larsen covers Pence.

Referee: 1...2...

Pence kicks out at 2. Pence tries to get to his feet, but Larsen dropkicks him in the stomach. Larsen quickly jumps on Pence and begins punching him in the head. The referee pulls Larsen off of Pence, but Pence jumps off the mat and hits a jumping spike DDT. Pence covers Larsen.

Referee: 1..2..

Larsen kicks out at 2. Both men make it back to their feet and square off in the middle of the ring.

Crowd: EWC! EWC! EWC! EWC!

Caan: The fans don't care that's Brawl vs Ramoage. It's all EWC to them.

Both Pence and Larsen attack each other, but larsen hits Pence in the gut with a sick dropkick. Pence keels over to his back and Larsen stumbles over to the turnbuckle. Larsen climbs to the top rope and jumps off executing a corckscrew moonsault. Larsen covers the prone Pence.

Referee: 1...2...

Pence kicks out at 2. Larsen can't believe it and begins to argue with the referee. Larsen turns around and walks right into a superkick from Pence. Pence walks over to the ropes and moves to the outside of the apron. Pence lurches back and throws himself over the top rope and hits the Reapers Drop. Pence covers.

Referee: 1...2...

Larsen kicks out at 2.

Arquette: Ohhh! This can't get any tighter!

Caan: I'm shocked Larsen has anything left in him after that.

Pence cant believe it either. He begins to go bezerk and leaves the ring to get a chair. As he is coming back into the ring, the referee tries to grab the chair from him. During the struggle, the referee is knocked down and out. Pence takes the chair and begins to hit Larsen in the back with the chair. The crowd releases a loud boo as Pence continues to hit the limp Larsen with the chair.

Arquette: Woh! Seeing a bit of the dark side of Pence Weatherlight here.

Security personael rush to the ring but are cut off by Pence. As Pence is turning back around, Larsen is making it to his feet. Pence goes to hit Larsen in the head with the chair, but Larsen ducks and the chair hits the top rope and bounces back into Pence's face. As Pence is standing groggily in the middle fo the ring, Larsen comes behind him and executes the Dream Street.

Arquette: DREAM STREET! DREAM STREET!

Larsen covers Pence.

Referee: 1...2...3!

The crowd erupts wildly as Larsen's hand is raised in victory.

Chiqrui: Here is your winner...LARSEN VAN DER KAMP!!!!


ARQUETTE: What a win for Van Der Kamp!.

CAAN: That's not just a victory for Larsen Van Der Kamp that's a victory for Rampage as well.

ARQUETTE: We can be honest. As of late, there hasn't been much going on on Monday Nights. Pence Weatherlight may be the smartest guy on the Brawl roster. He's coming here to pick up a pay check before things go south.

CAAN: Normally I'd say Pence should be concerned with a loss like that, but let's be honest, this Larsen Van Der Kamp has been on a huge roll lately. Regardless of how questionable Moses Lake's decision was last week, remember that Larsen did take out the unbeaten French Montana. Now with a win over Pence Weatherlight, it's safe to say Van Der Kamp is the real deal.

____________________________________

*Three limousines pull into the parking lot at the same time. They park side by side, and one at a time the doors open revealing first Hurricane Jeff, then Kid Cactus, then Michael Saint.*

GLADIATOR: Welcome back gentlemen. This is historic reunion. Jeff, as promised here is your payment up front and in cash as requested........ the uh......... backpay from your SWA salary is in the mail.

HURRICANE: I just flew for 16 hours on a plane from Oklahoma to get to this dump in Africa. I’m tired, I’m cranky. You booked me in a coach flight. There was no movie on the plane, there was no catering, and worst of all, I’m sure the guy sitting beside me was packing a bomb, so there was no chance in hell I was going to sleep. But, that’s not stopping me from going out there later tonight and doing what I do best. I just feel sorry for Saint and Kid Cactus, because tonight, I put an end to the Legacy of Kid Cactus, and kill the little bit of pride that Michael Saint has left.

*Jeff arrogantly smiles and walks past Gladiator *

REV: Good old Michael Saint. Thanks for giving us your office, parking space....... JOB!. Does it feel weird coming back to Rampage and not calling the shots for once?

SAINT: To say the least Rev. It feels good to be in a ring again. This is by no mean a long term thing for me. Cynthia and Kryptochild are on their way, but I got a surprise for you. A present of sorts.

(The two men walk to the trunk of Saint's limo and open it revealing Travis Malloy)

SAINT: An early Easter present from me to you.

TRAVIS: He locked me in a trunk Rev!

REV: We both know this isn't the first time it's happened and it won't be the last. Now carry Mr. Saint's bags in or you won't get your $5.00 an hour!

TRAVIS: But Rev, minimum wage is up to $7.25......

REV: Do as I say!

Travis obeys. Gladiator turns to Kid Cactus.

GLADIATOR: Well, well, well. Kid Cactus. The only one of you to win a World Title in both SWA and EWC. Also the only one of you to try and seize control of our show behind our backs. I've got my eye on you. Don't try anything funny.

KC: Hey, Gladiator. That was 10 years ago. I've matured since then. I'm not the man who would just randomly scam you anymore...

***At this point, hookers...midgets...movie stars...Veitnam Vets in full uniform...random drunks...and etc are crawling out of the limo Kid Cactus came in.***

KC: BTW, thanks for the good time today. I know I didn't ask for much in the contract, but I'm sure you guys would feel awlful if I hadn't placed it ALL on Rampage's tab.

***KC pats Gladiator on the back and walks in.***

GLADIATOR: I guess it's back to using Mac's Visa.

____________________________________

ARQUETTE: The big boys have arrived.

CAAN: It's amazing that after all these years these three are finally stepping into the ring together. All that time in SWA, and all that time in EWC, the closest any of these hall of famers have come to facing each other was a Hurricane Jeff vs Kid Cactus match from SWA years ago.

ARQUETTE: Saint and Jeff ran competing brands in the original Brawl vs Rampage run.

CAAN: And not mention Saint took over from Kid Cactus as Vice President of EWC.

ARQUETTE: I don't think you'll find three better resumes in this business.

CAAN: We do have another match featuring SWA alumni before the main event.

ARQUETTE: And it'll be destructive, I can guarantee that. Captain Insanity is the most accomplished SWA Extreme Combat Champion ever. Teen Throb had been a staple in SWA for years, although he never won a title. This is his first appearance in EWC, although we have become familiar with his cousin Fletch Baxter.

CAAN: Teen Throb may just seem like your typical wimpy boy band singer, but remember that he had his fair share of hardcore success over the years. An unlikely hardcore success story, that's for sure. He even holds a victory over Michael Saint.

ARQUETTE: But he's been barking up the wrong tree lately. He attacked Captain Insanity before last week's main event. You could say that cost Captain Insanity his chance at that guaranteed Stranglemania title shot.

CAAN: It definitely didn't help his chances.

ARQUETTE: So Captain Insanity not only wants revenge for that sneak attack, but also to prove he's the greatest hardcore legend, not only in SWA's history, but in any fed. Teen Throb wants to challenge that claim. This is about to get bloody. No lions, no tigers, no bears. Just pure old fashioned extreme combat.

Attention in the arena turns to the entrance. Joe Aiello starts walking down the aisle like a zombie.

CAAN: Hey, what's Joe Aiello doing here?

ARQUETTE: Maybe he's coming to join us at the broadcast table.

Joe walks right in front of the broadcast table. He stares at David Arquette who has a goofy grin on his face. Joe reaches into his pocket and pulls out a gun and points it at Arquette.

ARQUETTE: He's got a gun!

Joe shoots the gun and Arquette gets hit with a tranquilizer dart. Arquettte collapses to the ground. Joe sits down at the broadcast table and puts his headphones on. A man in a trenchcoat and sunglasses sitting in the front row stands up. He clubs Scott Caan over the head with a lead pipe and Caan falls to the ground. This man is none other than Skippy Mohophosite. He removes the sunglasses and takes a seat next to Joe. EMT's take away Arquette and Caan and Joe comes out of his trance. He looks at Skippy and his eyes bug out.

AIELLO: What, how did I get here?

SKIPPY: It's the SWA tribute show. You didn't think we'd do it without you did you?

AIELLO: I am so out of here.

SKIPPY: I wouldn't do that if I were you Joe. I should warn you, Rev and Gladiator have had your chair wired with C4. Should you attempt to leave, they will blow you sky high.

AIELLO: Oh no! Not again.

EXTREME COMBAT RULES
Captain Insanity -vs- Teen Throb

The lights dim a little as “Down and Out” by Tantric starts to play. Captain Insanity steps out from behind the curtain. He pauses briefly, looking around before casually walking to the ring.

He only gets half way down to the aisle before Captain Insanity is hit in the face by a half full cup of coke. He turns to the fans seated near the aisle to find out which idiot threw the drink at him. A couple of nervous Africans shrug their shoulders denying they had anything to do with it. Sticking out like a slice of white meat on a whole wheat sandwich is a gentleman who looks a lot like Teen Throb, but with a fake mustache. Captain Insanity literally does a double take. The guy that looks like Teen Throb with a fake mustache pulls out an electric cattleprod, reaches through the barricade and jabs Captain Insanity in the gut with it. The man rips off the fake mustache to reveal...............

AIELLO: I can't believe it! It really is Teen Throb! What a disguise!

Captain Insanity shakes violently from the shock and Teen Throb leaps over the barricade. He grabs Insanity and DDTs him onto the hard aisle concrete. Teen Throb takes the cattleprod and jabs Insanity with it several more times. He tosses the cattleprod aside and picks Insanity up. Teen Throb whips Insanity against the barricade and clotheslines him right over it. Insanity lands in the crowd. Teen Throb climbs back into the crowd and folds up the chair he was sitting on. He clobbers Insanity over the skull with the chair, laying him out cold. Teen Throb goes for a cover. The fans count ONE, TWO, THREE......... but there's no referee present.

AIELLO Where's a ref when you need one?

SKIPPY: Can you blame him for being unprepared? We didn't even finish the entrances yet.

Teen Throb gets tired of waiting for a count. He stands up and looks around for a referee. A couple of the audience members get in Teen Throb's face mocking him. Teen Throb starts to get angry. What he doesn't notice is a fan in an aisle seat reached under the barricade and grabs the cattle prod Teen Throb threw away. The fans starts passing it from one person to the next until it gets to the guy standing face to face with Teen Throb. Teen Throb doesn't see the cattleprod, but he raises his fist and gets ready to punch the fan. The cattle prod is stuck right in Teen Throb's gut. He shakes as the electricity courses through his veins. Teen Throb's eyes roll out of his head and he collapses. The fans all laugh[/color]

AIELLO: Not to downplay this nightmare of once again being stuck in this position with C4 wired to my chair, but there's something gratifying about seeing Teen Throb being electrocuted again.

SKIPPY: Those were the daaaaaays!

Captain Insanity and Teen Throb are both out cold. The crazy fans start having some fun with their unconscious bodies. They take turns dropping elbows and leg drops on both Teen Throb and Captain Insanity.

AIELLO: I saw a lot of weird things over the years, but this may be the first mass beating I've witnessed at the hands of the fans in attendance.

The fans now have picked Captain Insanity and Teen Throb up. They hoist them over head and start carrying them across the floor seats, passing them from row to row like it was a mosh pit. Captain Insanity starts to come around. He squints his eyes as he regains full consciousness, and looks shocked when he realizes the fans are passing him around. Insanity delivers a boot to one fans face and elbows another in the face. The fans drop him. A couple of rowdy fans try to fight back, but Captain Insanity lays them out with a series of rights and lefts. Most fans start to back off. Captain Insanity is now in pursuit of Teen Throb, who is quickly being carried all the way to the back of the floor seats.

AIELLO: He's losing Teen Throb fast.

Insanity pushes past the fans and finally catches up with Teen Throb at the back row of the floor seats. He grabs Teen Throb from the rest of the fans and holds him over his head. He delivers an Outsiders Edge, dropping Teen Throb's skull right on the concrete floor. Insanity goes for a cover.

1...



2...



Kickout by Teen Throb! Insanity picks Teen Throb back up and whips him through a door. Teen Throb flies through the door and is now out in the lobby. Cameras follow the action. Captain Insanity charges through the door and lays Teen Throb out with a Cross Body Block. He goes for another cover. The ref races to get in position.

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2...



Another kickout. Insanity picks Teen Throb up and holds him over his shoulders in a Powerbomb position. Insanity runs forward and Powerbombs Teen Throb straight through the merchandise stand. T-shirts fly all over. Insanity picks through the scattered items. He finds Teen Throb's bands CD. Insanity picks Teen Throb up, holds the CD over Teen Throb's face and punches the case right into him. The case breaks and Teen Throb goes down. Insanity opens the cracked case and finds the CD inside. He take sit out, snaps the CD in half, leaving a jagged edge. He waits for Teen Throb to get back up. Teen Throb is on his feet and Insanity swipes at him with the broken CD like it's a knife. Teen Throb dodges. Insanity swipes again and cuts through Teen Throb's shirt, but misses the skin. Insanity swipes one more time and slashes across Teen Throb's face. A 2 inch cut forms on his left cheek.

AIELLO: He just drew blood! Teen Throb's been bragging all week that he doesn't have a scar or mark on him. Captain Insanity promised he'd scar him badly. Teen Throb better hope he heals well. His female fan base won't be too pleased with a scarred face.

SKIPPY: The irony is Teen Throb was scarred by a broken fragment of his own CD. I don't see what the big deal is about Teen Throb. I get more girls than he does.

AIELLO: Yes, but he doesn't pay for them.

Teen Throb touches his face and wipes the blood. He sees the blood and loses it. He grabs Captain Insanity and Back Body Drops him over the merchadise stand. Insanity lands next to the drink machine. Teen Throb jumps on top of the stand and twist in the air, landing a Corkscrew splash. He has Insanity covered.

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2...



Insanity kicks out. Teen Throb grabs Insanity by the head and sticks his head into the opening of the drink machine where the drinks come out. He pushes Insanity's head in tight enough that Insanity is struggling to pull his head free. Teen Throb jumps and grabs the top of the drink machine. He pulls himself up and stands on top of the machine. As Insanity struggles to free his head Teen Throb breaks into a dance on top of the machine. He rocks the machine back and forth and tips it forward. Teen Throb rides the machine forward as it falls right on top of Captain Insanity's body.

AIELLO: Captain Insanity's head was still stuck in that machine as it fell on top of him! His neck could be broken after that!

Teen Throb grunts as he rolls the machine off of Insanity. He pulls Insanity's head free of the machine slot. Canned drinks pour out. Insanity is crawling like a snail across the arena lobby. He's headed for the front doors. Insanity is clearly having trouble keeping his head up. Teen Throb picks up a Sprite from off the floor. He pops the can and it fizzes over. Teen Throb takes a couple of sips as he makes his way toward a crawling Captain Insanity. He steps on Insanity's leg to prevent him from crawling out the front doors of the arena. He takes a sip of the Sprite and picks Insanity up. Teen Throb spits the mouthful of Sprite right into Insanity's eyes. Insanity stumbles towards the front doors and Teen Throb nails him with a Superkick. Insanity falls right through the glass doors. The glass shatters and Insanity tumbles to the outside.

SKIPPY: Looks like Teen Throb has drawn blood now too. We're even here.

Teen Throb makes ready to head out the doors after Insanity. He bumps into someone walking in the front doors. It's Michael Saint. Teen Throb stops in his tracks and stares Saint down.

SAINT: Hey, I remember you.

Saint knees Teen Throb in the groin. Teen Throb doubles over in pain. Saint locks him up and Suplexes Teen Throb straight through one of the other glass doors. Teen Throb lays in a pile of shattered glass right next to Captain Insanity.

AIELLO: What did Michael Saint do that for?

SKIPPY: Have you forgotten already? The very first feud Michael Saint ever had in this business was against Teen Throb in SWA.

AIELLO: That's right. I guess that feud was never settled. Now both Insanity and Teen Throb are out cold. It's all a matter of who gets up first.

Over a minute passes and neither man moves. It's Captain Insanity who comes around first. He looks over and sees Teen Throb laid out right next to him. Insanity rolls over, picks a few pieces of glass out of his body and covers Teen Throb.

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2...



Teen Throb gets his shoulder up. Insanity struggles to stand up. As he raises to his hands and knees the broken glass embeds itself in his palms. Insanity finally stands up. He picks the pieces of glass out of his bloody hands and stands over Teen Throb. Insanity picks him up weakly as he has very little strength left. He drags Teen Throb out to the parking lot. He stops at a parked Sunfire. Insanity picks Teen Throb up and throws him onto the roof of the car.

AIELLO: Hold on a second..... that's my car! Get away from there! Shoo!

SKIPPY: Hahahahaha!

Insanity climbs up on top and locks up with Teen Throb. He executes a Brainbuster, driving Teen Throb's head into the roof of the car, denting it in the process. Insanity rolls on top of Teen Throb. The ref counts.

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2...




Kickout! Insanity slowly picks Teen Throb. They stand on the Sunfire roof and Insanity tosses Teen Throb off with a Gut Wrench Suplex. Teen Throb falls down to the pavement. Insanity lowers himself off the roof. He opens the drivers side door and places Teen Throb's head in the door.

SKIPPY: Did you leave your car unlocked?

AIELLO: Oh no.

Insanity slams the door on Teen Throb's head with all his might. Teen Throb's body jolts upon impact. Insanity throws Teen Throb to the ground and covers again.

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2...




Teen Throb's shoulder is up! Insanity is now moving faster as the adrenaline kicks in. He drags Teen Throb over to the front of Aiello's Sunfire. He pops the hood. Insanity places Teen Throb's head under the hood and closes it gently. Insanity climbs back to the roof. He jumps off and lands right on the hood, crushing Teen Throb's head under the hood. Insanity throws Teen Throb to the ground. Another cover.

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Kickout! Captain Insanity is getting frustrated. He picks Teen Throb up and moves him to the back of the car. Insanity opens the drivers door and pops the back trunk. He goes to the back and tries to place Teen Throb's head in the trunk, but Teen Throb elbows him in the midsection. He quickly grabs the back of Insanity's head and delivers a Diamond Cutter. Teen Throb grabs Insanity and dumps him into the trunk. Insanity tries to climb out but Teen Throb slams the trunk shut before he can escape. Teen Throb limps to the front seat and looks around.

SKIPPY: You didn't leave the keys in there, did you?

AIELLO: Oh no.

Teen Throb finds the keys in the ignition and starts the engine. He puts the Sunfire in reverse and floors it. The Sunfire speeds backwards through the parking lot and crashes into the side of the arena. The back bumper falls off and the enbtire back ends seems to have caved in. Teen Throb kills the engine and pops the trunk. It doesn't come up on it's own. Teen Throb moves to the back of the car and pries it open with his fingers. Captain Insanity is out cold in the trunk. His body all out of shape. Teen Throb pulls him out and lays him on his back. He goes for the cover.

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3!!!

Winner: Teen Throb

AIELLO: My car!

SKIPPY: Pretty boy deals a very painful loss to Captain Insanity.

AIELLO: My car!

SKIPPY: That's a real upset.

AIELLO: It was a rental! I'm gonna lose my deposit!

SKIPPY: Get over it.

AIELLO: I'll never forgive Rev and Gladiator for this one.

SKIPPY: I don't think they care. It's over and done with. We have a lot of show to get to.

AIELLO: I guess so. And now I'm receiving word that we have a very special guest here tonight. He's a former HCW Champion, and one of the most controversial and feared competitors in EWC history. Fulfilling our standard One Black Guy Per Show in Africa quota, ladies and gentlemen, we welcome back Kid Cannabis!!!

______________________

The crowd's in a frenzy as intrepid EWC interviewer Ace Heart is standing in the ring with former HCW World Heavyweight Champion Kid Cannabis.

Folks, it's officially and honor and a joy to have the one and only Kid Cannabis back in a Rampage ring after such a long abscence!

The Angolan crowd goes even more bananas, and Cannabis pumps his fist in the air, showing his respect to the African crowd.

It's good to be back home, Ace. What's crackin' with you? How's the wife doing, partna?

Good, good. I was kind of in the doghouse over that thing at the clinic. Man, good thing it was just a little bump, if it'd had been herpes, I'd be.....

Ace has to stop and check himself while Can laughs and pats him on the back.

*Ahem*

Anyways...

Last week, your reappearance has caused quite a stir, especially with your old HCW rivals, Gladiator and Pence. You're not scheduled to return to action until next week, yet, here you are. Tell the world, Can, what brings you out here tonight?

It's a simple as ABC, Ace, my melo....

I got this muthafuckin' letter the other day, courtesy of our mammary having, Glen Beck loving, vagina having conservative cow of a....

*Can breaks out the air quotes*

"Boss" of Rampage, old double D's himself, Gladiator, letting me know he's the head cracka in charge by setting a few rules....

EWC's "High" flyer supreme makes a face like Rosie O'Donnell farted in front of him at a movie theater as he reads the official document.

No weed smoking or sex with ring rats at Rampage venues.

No cussing or gratuitous use of the "n" word on Rampage television.

Can't start a promo or a match without facing east and praying to Ronald Reagan.

No mention of Gladiator's manmaries, Rev's crippling addiction to the movie "Jumper" or his collection of boogers from junior high school, or that Skippy last week got busted at the airport in Johanasberg dressed like the sailor from the Village People trying to sell bootleg Cialis pills and powdered tiger penis extract to tourists.....

And any and all infractions would result in severe administrative punishment....

*looks up and smirks while he pulls out an ounce of Angolian dank*

You know what I gotta say about that bullshit, Funbags?

He rolls the dank up with the letterhead and smokes that bad boy!

Y'all power tripping, boner pill smuggling, dumbass niggas have lost your rabid ass minds!

You think I'm gonna let your cracka asses maddog me in the motherland? I'm Kid Cannabis, bitch!

The moment I came back to this piece, the Brinks trucks started backing up in Mac's driveway to drop money off like the friggin' mail The minute this cat came back down that entry ramp, I lit a fire under the inudstry's ass it ain't seen in a long time.

Even our favorite kid in the football helmet Pence came up and tried to tighten up like his little nutts finally dropped because he knows his days of coasting are over.

More cheers as Ace changes the subject.

Speaking of Pence, it seems like the old feud is finally back on....

Oh, trust me, hearing him pop off after he rode my sack in this ring a few days ago reminded me that muthafucka needs to get his ass whooped worse than Ebon trying to solve a Sudoku puzzle.

I could go off on that cat all day, but right now, I'm proposing a cease fire. Because as much as I hate to admit....

We both got a mutually bigger problem.

Sedition's running around like they're ten foot tall and bulletproof, and in case they forgot, I made a name going upside their heads every time I smelled them in that ring.

So, Pence, I propose this, brother....

Next week, right here, in this ring.....

MY RING!

You and me put aside our beef for a minute to slaughter a cow and his punk ass boy and show these cornballs they ain't in charge of shit except barely their bowel movements!

This bombshell proposal has the audience and Ace hyped up.

Are you serious, Can?

*puff puff* Serious as a parole violation, Acey.

I'm willing to put my ego and my hatred for this Obi Wan Kenobi looking dipshit long enough so we can both put the boots to a couple nimrods we both can't stand.

So what say you, Pence?

You man enough to go through with this?

The world's waiting, my man. What's it gonna be?

Cannabis stops and glares down the enterance ramp, waiting for a response. The scene switches to backstage where Pence is staring intently at the television, dressed in his in-ring attire: a black vest and a pair of black and blue pants, he is rubbing the stubble of his beard, and then with a shake of his head walks off camera. Cannabis, Ace, and the fans don't have to wait long as "Find The Real" by Alter Bridge hits the PA and the fans get to their feet and give Pence a standing ovation as he comes through a blanket of pyrotechnics that come from the top of the entrance ramp. Pence looks around at the fans for a second and then nods his head. A technician runs over to him and hands him a microphone as Pence snatches it out of his hand and begins to make his way down to the ring slowly, slapping hands with fans, and posing for pictures. Pence finally gets to the outside apron and looks at Cannabis, testing the waters before making his move, and finally he gets inside of the ring. Pence brushes passed Cannabis and head to the other side of the ring, he gets on to the ropes, and raises his index finger to the sky, the fans cheer, and Pence gets off the ropes, and turns to look at Cannabis and Ace. He doesn't say anything for a moment and as "Find the Real" dies out, Pence lets the fans chant "Mr. Main Event" and "KC" as much as they want. Finally Pence puts the microphone to his lips.

So you want to team with Mr. Main Event, you want to beat Sedition side by side with me in the ring that Pence established?

The fans cheer as Pence smiles widely and begins to pace, stroking his beard some more.

Personally, you and me...are not the buddy buddy type, at least not to each other. Me and you will always be at each other's throats, that is about as inevitable as Gladiator shoving a twinkie into his fat face. But if there is one thing I can't stand...it is the Sedition running this show like its own personal one ring circus. And I'm sure these fans don't like it either!

The fans chant "Hell No!" as Pence stops pacing and comes face to face with Cannabis.

But before I go ahead and say yes or no...I would like to hear what these fans have to say...do they want to see me and Cannabis bitch slap Gladiator and Rev like the pansy ass bitches that they are?

Pence and Ace look around at the fans as a unanimous sound of "Hell Yes!" and a bombardment of cheers can be heard all around the arena.

It sounds like they want you to team up...

Of course they do! Because they know when Pence and Cannabis team up there is no way in hell that we can lose! And since they want this match so bad...

Pence extends a hand to Cannabis, awkwardly of course because he doesn't know whether he should do this or not. The fans erupt into cheers as Cannabis gives him a high five of sorts. Pence shakes his head and then speaks up again.

Then it is settled...Pence and Kid Cannabis vs. Sedition without a doubt is one hundred fucking percent real. So get ready Sedition because we are....

The Theme from Patton begins to play. The crowd begins to boo. Gladiator appears on the ramp. He raises a mic.

Ladies, ladies, ladies. I haven't seen such sickening crowd pleasing since JFK. I think I'm about to lose the jelly donuts I just ate. I just couldn't bear it any longer. Cannabis, you are in clear violation of Friday Night Rampage's Rule #32. No drugs on televised events. Pence, you are in violation of Rule #2. No being a crowd pleasing, boyscout, douche.

The fans boo.

And, you both are in violation of rule #1. No speaking against your Lords, and Masters of The Sedition. Your punishment will be as follows. Cannabis, for the violation of rule #32 you will be docked 2 weeks of pay. Pence, for violation of rule #2, you will write the line, I am a giant douchebag 1000 times on the blackboard. As for the punishment for the two of you violating rule #1, your punishment will be, The Sedition accepting your challenge. Next week, in the very ring that you stand, the two of you will receive the ultimate punishment by being embarassed by the greatest superstars to ever grace an EWC ring, The Rev and Gladiator. The match will be fought under Sedition rules, no holds barred.

The crowd cheers and Pence and Cannabis smile.

Until then, Cannabis mind your tongue and your manners, and Pence mind your douchebaggery. Next week, you two will see why we are the legends we are.

The Theme From Patton plays, and Gladiator leaves the stage. Ace Heart looks very excited.

There you have it fans. Huge match for next week. Kid Cannabis and Pence Weatherlight taking on The Sedition. I for one can't wait.

Pence and Cannabis stare each other down. They give each other a nod and both exit.

_______________________

AIELLO: A huge announcement there. Rev and Gladiator return to action for the first time since...... last month I think.; Kid Cannabis makes his return to the ring next week, and of all people he teams up with Pence Weatherlight? Who would've seen that one coming?

SKIPPY: Back in the days of HCW, Gladiator, Kid Can and Pence had a long running feud over the HCW Championship. I can see them fighting, but definitely can't see Kid Cannabis and Pence teaming up together.

AIELLO: Well I applaud them. Someone has to stand up to The Sedition. I can't wait to see Kid Cannabis and Pence school them. The Sedition have been screwing everything up here on Rampage. They must be stopped.

SKIPPY: Speaking of screwing things up on Rampage, the one and only Moses Lake is moments away from returning to the ring!

AIELLO: Oh yeah. His record breaking salary has nearly bankrupted Rampage. The entire roster hates his guts. French Montana was the first one to call him out, and after weeks of hiding behind his personal masseuses and contract clauses, Moses Lake is finally making a brave return to the ring.

SKIPPY: Time to see what $13,000,009.16 buys you.

AIELLO: I don't think either of these guys have faced a challenge like this before. Listen carefully fans, this is no typo. The following match is a ….......... (clears throat) ............. Scaffold Above a Ring Littered With Rusty Nails Match

SKIPPY: What, you've never seen one of those before?

AIELLO: Can't say I have.

SKIPPY: Well the rules are simple. You see, they start by scattering rusty nails all over the mat.

AIELLO: I think the name speaks for itself. I'm not sure I really want to watch this. You know Moses Lake's salary has caused budget cuts. If the tetanus shot expense has been cut, Moses is going to be sorry he signed a contract for as much as he did.

SKIPPY: Don't even think about leaving, Joe. In case you somehow bypassed the bomb wired with C4 under your chair, Gladiator and Rev gave me this handgun to keep you in line,. It's loaded and everything. Care to take a look?

AIELLO: Stop pointing that thing in my face! Let's just get the match over with.

SCAFFOLD ABOVE A RING LITTERED WITH RUSTY NAILS MATCH
Moses Lake -vs- French Montana

Stage hands have finished scattered buckets upon buckets of rusty nails in the ring. A scaffold is presently sitting in the center of the ring.

The unmistakable screeching sound of electric guitars from "D'you Know What I Mean" by Oasis hits the speakers as the lights dim to dark... The fans rise to their feet in a HUGE mixed reaction. The snare pops from the music and the lights turn to a gray and black mixture as the television camera goes to complete black and white. As the music continues, out steps the man know as French Montana. Several fireworks and exploding devices continuously set off for a 10 second period. The loud noise causes some of the fans to cover and plug their ears. The music continues as Montana casually walks down the ramp with a swagger of an invincible man. His look is careless as he rarely acknowledges a fan except to stare an chuckle at their sneers. His true fans sing along with the music as Montana slowly and methodically works his way to the ring. Never seeming in a rush as he reaches the steps of the ring, carefully stepping on a mat that's been laid out over the rusty nails.

CHRIQUI: Introducing first, from Newark, New Jersey, standing 6'3” and weighing 230 lbs. Please welcome FRENCH MONTANA!

The lights in the arena go out. The sound of coins clinking and cash registers ringing swell over the loudspeaker as a fog begins to form in the entryway.

A golden spotlight shines into the fog as the bass line to Pink Floyd's "Money" begins to thump throughout the arena. A silhouette slowly comes into view through the fog, and as the guitars and drums kick in; Moses Lake emerges from the fog. The golden spotlight stays on him, as he is quickly flanked on either side by his team of one dozen large black security guards. Moses poses as a massive display of white and gold fireworks go off all around the stage.

A black Escalade then pulls up behind Moses through the fog. A guard opens the back door, and the cameras get a brief glimpse of the scantily clad Asian masseuses waiting for Moses in the back seat. Moses climbs in and the door is shut. The Escalade then slowly makes its way down to the bottom of the ramp. It reaches the bottom, all the while more fireworks go off on the stage.

As the bottom of the ramp, Moses waits for Emmanuelle Chriqui to announce him.

CHRIQUI: Now introducing, hailing from Upriver, New Brunswick, Canada and weighing in at 212 lbs., he is two-time former EwC Undisputed Champion, former Hardcore Champion, former Television Champion, former and longest-ever reigning International Champion, the 2006 and 2009 King of the Cage, EwC Hall of Famer and Rampage's Greatest Superstar... MOSES... LAKE!

The door to the Escalade opens, and Moses steps out, followed by his team of masseuses. Moses gets one last shoulder rub from the sexiest and Asianiest masseuse while his security team surrounds the ring and the Escalade backs up the ramp. Moses carefully steps into the ring and walks across to the scaffold.

AIELLO: I gotta give him credit. That's quite the entrance. How much did that cost us?

SKIPPY: We had to let go of Busaiku Maya to pay for the Escalade alone. Those Asian masseuses gonna stick around?

AIELLO: Keep your eyes on the ring. This match has been coming for weeks now. Moses Lake hasn't been in the ring since King of the Cage, which he won by the way. Time to see if he still has it.

Both men are positioned on opposite sides of the Scaffold. They grab hold of the side cables holding it up and hold tight as the scaffold is slowly raised to a height of 15 feet above the ring. Before the scaffold even comes to a full stop, French Montana dives across the scaffold and tackles Moses. He takes him down and Moses and French lean over the edge. The top half of Moses' body hangs over the edge. French is on top of him delivering rights and lefts. French forces Moses' head back. His head hanging upside down off the scaffold, Moses gets a good glimpse of the height they're at. He quickly recovers and turns French over. French is now the one bending back over the edge. Moses stands up and starts stomping on French's body. Each stomp also shakes the scaffold. It starts swaying back and forth. Moses almost loses his balance. He has to step back and grab hold of one of the cables.

AIELLO: I'm getting dizzy just watching them up there.

SKIPPY: Did you notice how shiny this gun was? I can see my reflect in the barrel.

AIELLO: I told you to put that away!

French is on his feet and also grabbing hold of the cable to hold his balance. Moses and French wait for the swaying to ease up. They both then charge to the center of the scaffold. They meet in the middle and lock up. French puts Moses in a headlock. Moses counters by picking French up in a Fireman's Carry. He slams him down onto the scaffold hard. Moses turns French over and applies a rear choke hold. He pulls so hard that the camera zooms in and French's veins can be seen bulging. His eyes roll out of his head and his face goes blue. Moses holds the choke for a few more seconds and then lets go. He stands up cautiously as the scaffold still sways a little. He picks French up and bends him down. Moses hoists French over his head and drops him hard on the scaffold with a Sitout Powerbomb. Moses falls over himself as the scaffold rocks from one side to the other.

AIELLO: Is that scaffold made of wood?

SKIPPY: Looks like it.

AIELLO: Moses might want to avoid those hard slams. That wood could break easily.

Moses approaches French again and grabs both of his legs. He positions them under his arms and falls back, Slingshotting French in the air and over the far end of the scaffold. French flies through the air and over the edge. The fans gasp in horror. As he flips over, he barely manages to grab the edge of the scaffold with his hand. French is only hanging on with three fingers on the edge! Moses starts to get up. French reaches his other hand up and grabs the edge of the scaffold. He now has a grip with both hands. Moses is on his feet and stomping on French' fingers. French's screams can be heard all the way in the back of the arena. Moses continues to stomp harder and harder. French refuses to let go. Moses is now does on his hands and knees. He tries to pry French's fingers away. French makes a quick move and reaches up with one of his hands and grabs the back of Moses' neck. Moses is stuck now. French grabs hold of him with the other hand.

AIELLO: If French is going down, he wants to take Moses Lake with him.

Not willing to take any chances, Moses pulls French back up himself. They both stand on their feet. French still has his hands on the back of Moses' neck. He delivers a headbutt to Moses Lake's face. Moses stumbles backwards a little. French hits him with a right and a left. Moses stumbles back even further. French takes one last shot, this time a running forearm. He knocks Moses back. Moses stands literally on the edge, slowly falling back. He reaches forward and grabs French by his hair. This handful of hair saves Moses from falling over the edge. Moses regains his balance and hits French with a chop to the chest. That backs him closer to the center. Moses kicks French in the gut and he bends over.; Moses locks French in between his knees and picks him up. He hangs him in a Piledriver position before slamming him down on the scaffold. The wood starts to crack on impact. Moses freezes. He starts to move and the wood split down the center, breaking the scaffold in two. Both sides of the scaffold dangle, still attached by the support cables. French Montana holds onto one part of the scaffold. Moses Lake holds onto the other. They're both hangingt above the ring, hundreds of rusty nails scattered in the ring beneath them

AIELLO: I can't bear to watch!

SKIPPY: Does this gun have a safety feature? I wonder.......

There's a loud pop that rings out in the arena. Skippy accidentally pulled the trigger. French Montana's hand that holds onto the broken scaffold explodes with a burst of blood. He lets go and falls 15 feet down. French Montana's body hits the mat so hard it bounces several times in the pile of rusty nails. The nails poke his flesh and stick into him in several places. The referee calls for the bell and medical personnel run into the ring.


Winner: Moses Lake


AIELLO: Did you just shoot French Montana in the hand?

SKIPPY: Ooops. I guess I should've figured out that safety thing before I came out here.

AIELLO: You think?! You just shot French Montana in the hand! How stupid can you be?

SKIPPY: I guess Moses Lake won this one, huh?

Moses Lake is safely lowered down as he clings to the broken scaffold. As he stands secure on the mat, he carefully steps over the rusty nails and approaches French Montana, who is being placed on a stretcher. Moses hits several paramedics from behind. He grabs French Montana and Powerbombs him repeatedly on the piles of rusty nails. Security rushes into the ring and pulls Moses Lake away from a badly injured French Montana. Moses is literally dragged out of the ring by security as paramedics now need medical attention of their own. Dozens of rusty nails are still stuck to French Montana. A second medical crew enters the ring and begin working frantically.

AIELLO: Ever the courteous winner, I give you Rampage's “Greatest Superstar” Mr. Moses Lake.

SKIPPY: Hey, I think I figured out that safety thing. Check this out!

AIELLO: Don't even think about it! You've done enough harm!

[Sedition: Gladiator]

“House Of The Rising Sun” by The Animals plays. The fans boo as Michael Saint steps out on the stage. He strikes an arrogant pose and pyros go off behind him. Saint slowly makes his way towards the ring, and he is introduced.

CHIRQUI: “It is now time for our Main Event of the evening. Introducing first, he is the former Vice President of the Extreme Wrestling Corporation, and current President of Kenshiki Championship Wrestling,
MICHAEL SAINT!!!

Saint climbs into the ring. He climbs up on the second rope and raises his arms in the air. Pyros once again explode behind him. He goes to his corner and awaits his opponents.

AIELLO: Michael Saint has waited for this match for a long time. Now he finally has the chance to prove that he is the greatest superstar to come out of the SWA.

“Cowboy” by Kid Rock plays. Pyros explode and Kid Cactus emerges from the smoke. The fans jump on their feet and cheer. Kid Cactus makes his way down to the ring, tagging the fans hands on his way. He gets to the end of the aisle and waits as he is introduced.

CHIRQUI: Introducing next, he is a former Sedition Wrestling Alliance Champion. He is also a former Vice President of the Extreme Wrestling Corporation,
KID CACTUS!!!

Kid Cactus slides into the ring. He raises his hands in the air in the center of the ring and pyros explode behind him. The fans cheer as Kid Cactus stares down Michael Saint.

AIELLO: Kid Cactus is the only man in the ring who achieved title reigns in both SWA and the EWC. He is also the man who has been the least active in the past few years. We’ll see if he shows any signs of rust.

Plays. Hurricane Jeff appears on the stage. He is wheeling himself in on a wheelchair. He has a cast on his leg. Jeff wheels himself towards the ring. The fans boo and chant Faker, Faker, Faker.

AIELLO: What is this? We just saw Hurricane Jeff arriving a short time ago, and he wasn’t in a wheelchair then.

Jeff stops his wheelchair at the end of the aisle near the ring. He has a sad look on his face. Jeff raises the mic and begins to speak.

JEFF: It breaks my heart to say this, but I will not be able to compete tonight. As a result of an unfortunate backstage accident my leg has been broken and I have not been cleared to wrestle tonight.

The fans boo. KC and Saint look down at Jeff with disgust.

JEFF: I truly wanted to compete tonight. I told myself I would fight as long as there’s air in mu lungs but the Doctor’s said it was not allowed.

Jeff covers his eyes and begins to pretend to cry.

AIELLO: I don’t think anyone’s buying this charade.

SKIPPY: (Sobs) The poor guy.

AIELLO: Give me a break.

As Jeff pretends to cry Saint sneaks out of the ring. He sneaks around and comes up behind Jeff’s wheelchair. Saint yanks the wheelchair out from under him. Jeff stands up to stop himself from falling, but quickly pretends his legs hurt. Saint grabs Jeff by the head, but Jeff reaches down and removes his cast. He hits Saint over the head with it. Saint drops down to the ground.

AIELLO: So much for his broken leg.

SKIPPY: It’s a miracle! He’s been healed.

Jeff picks Saint up off the ground, but KC flies over the top rope and drops down on them with a Suicide Dive. KC picks up Jeff and tosses him into the ring. KC slides in after him. Jeff gets up on his feet and runs at KC, but gets hit with a Dropkick. KC jumps up on the top rope and drops down on Jeff with an Elbow Smash. KC goes for the cover,

1...

2...

Saint flies off the top rope and drops down on KC with a Leg Drop to break the count. Saint picks up KC and whips him to the corner. He picks up Jeff and whips him to the opposite corner. Saint charges towards KC and hits him with a Stinger Splash in the corner. KC drops down to the mat. He then charges towards Jeff. He comes at him with a Charging Shoulder, but Jeff Leapfrogs over him. Saint goes through the ropes and hits his shoulder on the ringpost. Jeff pushes Saint through the ropes to the outside. KC runs towards Jeff, but Jeff ducks down and hits him with a Lowblow. Jeff grabs KC by the head and sends him over the top rope and down to the floor. Jeff climbs up on the second rope and strikes a pose. The fans start a Jeff Sucks chant.

AIELLO: Hurricane Jeff doesn’t seem to be winning any points with the crowd tonight.

SKIPPY: These fans are being disrespectful. The man is fighting on a broken leg.

AIELLO: He was clearly faking it you idiot.

SKIPPY: Joe, you cold hearted monster. You’re as bad as they are.

Jeff climbs up on the top rope. Saint gets up on his feet. Jeff flies down and hits Saint with a Double Axe Handle. Jeff picks Saint up and sets him up for a Suplex. Saint reverses and drives Jeff’s head to the concrete with a Brainbuster. KC comes from behind and drives Saint’s head to the concrete with a WILD WILD DDT. Jeff gets up and runs at KC, but KC catches him with a Drop Toe Hold. As Jeff falls he hits his head on the steel steps. Saint slowly gets up to his feet and KC nails him with a Superkick. KC picks up Saint and lies him down on the broadcast table. KC climbs up on the apron and lifts himself onto the top turnbuckle. As he prepares to leap off, Jeff climbs up on the apron. He pulls at KC’s feet, and KC drops down to a seated position on the turnbuckle. Jeff climbs up and sets him up for a Suplex. Jeff Superplexes him off the top rope. They drop down onto Saint and all three men crash through the broadcast table. The fans erupt with cheers of SWA, SWA, SWA!

AIELLO: It’s amazing how these men are willing to put there bodies on the line.

SKIPPY: Well, you know what they say, once SWA, always SWA.

AIELLO: Who says that?

SKIPPY: You know… they.

Jeff is the first to show signs of life. He picks KC up and tosses him into the ring. Jeff goes to climb in the ring, but Saint grabs his ankle. Jeff turns around and picks Saint up. He attempts to whip Saint to the guardrail, but Saint reverses the whip and sends Jeff into the guardrail. Saint charges at Jeff, but Jeff catches him with a Back Body Drop over the guardrail and into the crowd. Saint lands on some unsuspecting fans. Jeff climbs up on the guardrail. As Saint gets up on his feet, Jeff jumps off and hits Saint with a Flying Clothesline. They knock over several more fans. The two get up and start to exchange blows making their way through the crowd. KC comes to his senses in the ring. He looks around and spots Saint and Jeff fighting their ways through the crowd. KC climbs out of the ring and jumps into the crowd making his way towards them. Saint and Jeff reach the back of the lower level. Saint hits Jeff with a hard kick to the gut. Saint drives Jeff’s head down to the concrete with a Tornado style DDT. Saint grabs a table nearby and pulls it into place. He grabs a second table and stacks it on top of the other one. Saint picks Jeff up and drags him up the stairs to the upper deck. KC follows slowly behind them trying not to be spotted by Saint. Saint drags Jeff to the edge of the balcony. With his back to the edge, he sets Jeff up for a German Suplex. KC darts towards them and hits both men with a Spear. The three men fly off the edge and plummet 10 feet down and crash through the two stacked tables and hit the ground hard. The fans erupt with cheersw and hollers and once again begin a loud SWA, SWA, SWA chant!

AIELLO: I hate to come off sounding like our old frien Ray Lyndon, but that was Unbelievable!

SKIPPY: You see Joe, I knew you’d come around and start enjoying this show eventually.

All three men are laid out for nearly a minute. KC is the first one to show any signs of life. He slowly gets up on his feet. KC gains his composure and picks Jeff up. He drags Jeff through the crowd. He tosses him back over the guardrail. KC climbs over and picks Jeff up. He goes to throw Jeff in the ring, but Jeff hits him with a hard elbow to the gut. Jeff takes KC down with a Belly to Belly Suplex. Jeff steals the ring announcers chair away and folds it up. He waits as KC gets up to his feet. KC gets up and Jeff swings the chair. KC ducks it and slips behind Jeff. He grabs the timekeepers hammer. Jeff turns to face KC, and KC smacks him over the head with the hammer. Jeff stumbles back and falls on his butt. KC picks up the bell. He dives towards Jeff and hits him over the head with the bell. The ding of the bell can be heard through the whole arena. Saint wakes up at the sound of the bell. He stumbles towards the ringside area. KC picks Jeff up and whips him towards the ringpost. Jeff hits his shoulder on the ringpost hard and falls to the ground. KC crouches down and waits for Jeff to get onto his feet. Jeff gets up and KC hits him with a Superkick. Jeff stumbles back and falls into his wheelchair. Jeff falls right into a seated position in his wheelchair. KC goes after him, but Saint comes at him from behind. Saint grabs KC by the head and smashes him down to the concrete face first with a Facebuster. Saint gets behind Jeff’s wheelchair and runs down the aisle with it, with Jeff in it. He pushes it up the ramp and stops on the stage. Saint pushes the wheelchair at a running pace towards the edge of the stage. He gets near the edge and gives it a hard shove. The wheelchair flies off the edge of the stage with Jeff still in it. He flies through the air and crashes down on the ground hard.

AIELLO: I have seen many things in my time as a wrestling commentator, but that is the first time I have ever seen a man in a wheelchair pushed off the stage.

SKIPPY: Really? You’ve been spending too much time on Monday Night Bore… I mean Brawl.

Saint looks down at Jeff on the ground. The wheelchair is broken in several pieces, and Jeff is not moving. Saint turns around, but KC is standing behind him waiting. KC throws a chair at Saint. Saint catches it but KC Dropkicks the chair into Saint’s face. Saint falls back and falls off the stage. He falls and hit’s the concrete hard. KC points down at Saint. The fans start chanting KC, KC, KC! KC gets a running start and dashes towards the edge. He leaps into the air and drops down with a Splash. Saint rolls out of the way in just the nick of time, and KC hit’s the concrete face first.

AIELLO: All three of these men have taken such a beating here tonight.

SKIPPY: All three men are getting paid to take a beating here tonight.

AIELLO: I just hope they survive long enough to enjoy that money.

Saint, still clearly dazed from the fall pulls himself up on a nearby cameraman. Jeff slowly picks himself up as well. Jeff runs at Saint with a Clothesline, but Saint moves out of the way. Jeff hit’s the cameraman and knocks him down to the ground. Saint comes at Jeff from behind, but Jeff picks up the camera. He turns around and smashes the camera over Saint’s head. Saint hit’s the ground. Jeff wraps the cord from the camera around Saint’s throat. He pulls the cord and drags Saint by the throat towards the ring. KC slowly gets up on his feet. He sees Jeff dragging Saint to the ring. KC cuts through the crowd to avoid being spotted by Jeff. He jumps over the guardrail and crouches down out of sight. Saint’s face is beat red as he gasps for air while being choked by the cord. As Jeff gets close to the ring. KC leaps out from behind the guardrail. He hits Jeff with a Flying Forearm. Jeff releases the cord and Saint gasps trying to catch his breath. KC tosses Jeff into the ring. KC climbs up on the apron. He steps up to the top turnbuckle as Jeff gets up on his feet. KC leaps off and catches Jeff with a Flipping Neckbreaker. KC goes for the cover,

1...

2...

Saint slides in the ring. He drops down on the referees head with an Elbow Drop to break the count. Saint picks up KC. He lifts him up in a Powerbomb and drops him down on his head. Saint goes for the cover. A new referee slides into the ring. He rolls the old ref out of the ring and gets in place to make the count,

1...

2...

Jeff bounces off the ropes and drops down on the new ref with a Senton Splash. Jeff picks up Saint and whips him off the ropes. Jeff catches Saint on the rebound with a Hurricanranna. He stays on top of Saint to make the cover. A third ref slides into the ring. He rolls the second ref out of the ring and he falls down to the ground right next to the original one. The new ref makes the count,

1...

2...

KC picks the ref up off the mat and tosses him over the top rope. The ref falls onto the other two refs on the ground.

AIELLO: Another first for me in this business. That is the first time I have seen a pile of unconscious referees outside the ring.

SKIPPY: I love this business.

KC slides out of the ring. He reaches under the ring and pulls out a glass table. KC slides the table into the ring. Jeff grabs the table and sets it up in the middle of the ring. KC reaches under the ring again and pulls out a large ladder. He slides the ladder into the ring and climbs in. Jeff greets him with a boot to the head. Jeff picks KC up and Bodyslams him onto the ladder. Jeff rolls KC off the ladder. He picks the ladder up and sets it up. Jeff turns around, and sees Saint getting up on his feet. Jeff grabs Saint by the hair from behind. He yanks his head back and delivers a Reverse Twist Of Fate. Jeff picks up Saint and lies him on the table. Jeff begins to climb the ladder. KC gets on his feet and climbs up on the opposite side. Both men get to the top rung and begin to exchange blows. Saint gets off the table. He climbs up on the same side as Jeff. Saint nears the top and gets up on the top rung beside Jeff. All three men now exchange blows at the top of the ladder. KC hits Jeff with a hard punch to the jaw, and Jeff begins to teeter. Jeff loses his footing and begins to fall. He grabs Saint as he falls and Saint begins to fall, as he does he grabs KC by the arm and pulls him off the ladder. All 3 men drop down to the mat. Jeff and Saint hit the canvas hard, and KC falls and crashes through the glass table. The glass table shatters and KC lies in the pile of shattered glass. The fans again erupt with a SWA chant. All 3 men lie out cold in the ring.

AIELLO: Again, all 3 of these men seem to be unconscious. I would say that someone should judt call this match a draw, but the referee’s are unconscious too.

The camera shows a shot backstage. A group of referees are standing around a monitor watching the match. Rev and Gladiator come up to them.

GLADIATOR: Hey, someone get out there and finish this match.

REFEREE: We aren’t going out there. They’ve already left three of our guys unconscious. We don’t get paid enough for this.

REV: You guys are a bunch of cowards. Doesn’t anyone have the courage to step up?

A voice can be heard from the crowd.

VOICE: I’ll do it.

The brave man steps forward. He is dressed in a referee shirt and has black and white tassels on his wrists. He has a 80’s style mullet, and many wrinkles. It is none other than Marty Jannetty.

JANNETTY: Put me in guys. I won’t let you down.

GLADIATOR: Go to it my friend.

Jannetty runs out towards the ring.

REV: Make us proud Eddie Van Halen.

Jannetty runs out to the ring. Inside the ring all three men are still out. Saint is the first to move. Then Jeff begins to show signs of life. Saint crawls over to the wreckage of the shattered glass table. Jeff slowly crawls towards it as well. Saint crawls on the glass, and it cuts into his hands and knees. He collapses on top of KC for the cover. Jannetty gets in place and slowly makes the count,

1.….






Jeff inches himself closer to the wreckage. The glass now cuts into his hands.






2.…..








Jeff gets even closer. His knees now are getting cut up on the glass as he crawls towards them.











Jeff reaches towards them to break the count, but loses his strength. He collapses in the pile of glass. Jannetty’s hand drops down.











3!!!!!!!!!


CHIRQUI: Here is your winner………
MICHAEL SAINT!!!!!

Jannetty picks Saint up off of KC and raises his hand in victory. “House Of The Rising Sun” plays. Kryptochild and Cynthia rush out to the ring. Kryptochild hoists Saint up on his shoulders, and the three celebrate in the ring.

AIELLO: Michael Saint has pulled it off. He has silenced the naysayers, and pulled of a win here tonight.

SKIPPY: After years of calling out Hurricane Jeff and Kid Cactus, he finally got his shot, and arose the victor.

AIELLO: Wow, Skippy I’m impressed. That almost sounded professional.

SKIPPY: Thanks, I’m reading of Scott Caan’s cue cards.

AIELLO: I should have known. At any rate, Congratulations to Michael Saint, and congratulations to Hurricane Jeff and Kid Cactus for putting up a heck of a fight here tonight.

SKIPPY: These three men tore the roof off this place tonight.

AIELLO: Cue Card?

SKIPPY: You betcha.

AIELLO: That’s all for tonight fans. Thank you for joining us. We hope you enjoyed this very special edition of Rampage. We hope you enjoyed this Sedition Wrestling Alliance Tribute show…. There I said it, can I go home now.

SKIPPY: Yes you may. I should warn you though. Your service to The Sedition is far from over. They may call upon your services again, and your refusal would be unwise.

AIELLO: I hate my life.

Joe gets up and leaves, and Michael Saint continues his celebration in the ring as the show goes off the air.