Post by MNB on Jun 11, 2007 10:23:17 GMT -6
Clips of last week’s Monday Night Brawl is shown and then the intro video plays and then pyro shoots in the arena and the camera goes to ring side with Skippy and Aiello.
Skippy: Welcome to Monday Night Brawl. Tonight is the last Brawl telecast before One Night Encounter that takes place 13 days away.
Aiello: And what a show that is shaping up to be. But tonight we have only two matches, but these are great match up’s.
Skippy: 6 men have the opertunity of a life time tonight where the winner of the battle royal will face Lance Fiennes at One Night Encounter for the North American title.
Aiello: And we have a 6 man tag match between Retribution Inc and Retribution Solution plus Jesse Nunez.
Suddenly “Coma” by Guns N’ Roses hits the PA system and the fans stand up and boo as Hurricane Jeff comes out and quickly makes his way to the ring.
Aiello: Last week Max Carter said that Hurricane Jeff would face a mystery man at One Night Encounter.
Skippy: That’s right and Max said that we would find out tonight who it will be.
HJ grabs a mic and starts to speak.
HJ: CUT MY MUSIC!
The music stops.
HJ: Last week, Max Carter challenges me to a match and then tells me that he has hired someone to “represent” him at One Night Encounter. Max wouldn’t tell me who my opponent will be until tonight. All last week I’ve been thinking of people who it might be. And Really, there is nobody, and I mean Nobody out there that Max Carter can find that can get the job done and beat me. I’m a former EWC Undisputed Champion, so Max, you man stand no chance at all at winning. So get your ass out here and tell me who I’m going to be Beating at One Night Encounter.
Just then Faceless by Godsmack hits and Max Carter comes down to the ring and takes the Microphone from Hurricane Jeff.
Max: Its nice to see how confident you are about an opponent that you have no idea that your going to have. You see Jeff. I’ve done my homework. I know that you’ve beaten everyone that was put in front of you. But I know it would take someone more than just any random wrestler. That’s why I had to go outside the EWC roster to find the right person. That’s why I had to go get someone from your past. Someone that you did indeed step foot in the ring with. Someone who does hold a win over you.
HJ grabs the mic
HJ: Damit Max, who the hell is it?
Max takes back the mic.
Max: Your opponent is someone that you traveled all over the world with. Your opponent is someone who’s been with you at your best and at your worse. You both bled together fought side by side and even won a tag title together. You guys we’re the best of friends, and the worse of enemies.
HJ grabs the mic.
HJ: WHO IS IT?
Max takes back the mic.
Max: Hurricane Jeff, your opponent for One Night Encounter is a man who your grown up with. A man who knows you better than you know yourself. Ladies and Gentleman, its an honor to present to you.....
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DR. MATT!
Skippy: WHAT!
Aiello: How the hell is Max get this guy.
"Your Time Has Come" by Audioslave begins to play as the 6'4 294 lbs Doctor walks out from behind the curtain with a nice welcome from the EWC fans. Matt has a smirk on his face as he stands on the ramp looking at Hurricane Jeff. Hurricane Jeff is shocked that Max got HJ’s childhood friend as his opponent. Jeff is arguing with Max as Brawl cuts to a Sean Ferguson and Moses Lake production.
After a highly overpriced opening theme paid by Sony Productions, Sean and Moses stand center stage on the set of America's Next Member of Retribution Solution. They're both dressed in suits holding long stemmed roses.
Sean: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the very first official episode of America's Next Member of Retribution Solution.
Moses: We would like to cordially invite you the viewers and fans of EWC to join us on the journey toward making our group a complete whole.
Sean snorts.
Sean: Dude, you said, "a complete whole."
Moses nudges Sean and points at the teleprompter.
Moses: This show, as small as it may be is without a doubt, groundbreaking. Why you ask?
Sean: Because at the very core of this show is one focus, finding a new member to join us in the war against the stinky, filthy, Frenchmen, Retribution Incorporated.
Moses: Who the hell wrote this?
Sean: We may very well find our new member tonight, causing this show to be the shortest lived series in history.
Moses: Although, considering our contestant tonight, I doubt it.
Sean: Quite. But first, I would like to personally welcome and introduce our guest judge tonight. He's a household name in the comedy world, and the Lord of the deet-duh-deets, Carlos Mencia!
Canned applause is heard as Retribution Solution sit behind the judge's table. Carlos Mencia sits and waves at everyone in the crowd. The cameras then focus on the far end of the stage and a silly announcer is heard over "The Time Is Now" by John Cena & Tha Trademarc.
Announcer Dude: Ladies and gentlemen, Jesse Nunez!
The crowd claps and cheers as Jesse walks out through curtains and waves at the crowd. Jesse then walks to center stage and stands at his mark, facing Retribution Solution and Carlos Mencia.
Sean: Thanks Announcer Dude!
Announcer Dude: Party on Moses & Ferg!
Moses: Jesse Nunez, all personal bullshit aside, and forget the fact that you are an unoriginal, uninspired, uninteresting, undeserving f**k**g hack, and that you've pissed on the legacy of every man who ever wore the EwC Undisputed World Championship by turning it into a m*th*rf**k**g turntable and that as the champion, we should be coming to you instead of you coming to us AND that the only time you've ever actually been able to pin me was in a clusterfuck tag team match, why the hell do you think you could possibly ever stand even the slightest of chances of even possibly slightly being considered to be a part of the Retribution Solution?
Sean: I think what my surly partner meant to ask, albeit rather rudely phrased, "Jesse, are you f**k**g kidding me?"
Canned audience members are heard murmuring at the confrontational attitude, but Jesse shrugs the question off with thug-lyfe style.
Jesse: Well look what I have and you two don't. I have this EwC title on my shoulder. Besides, I have more beef with BDC than both of you put together.
Moses stands out of his chair, picks it up, and smashes it on the table.
Moses: YOU STUPID FUCK, YOU GOT THE f**k**g TITLE BECAUSE OF HIM AND I LOST EVERY f**k**g THING I HOLD DEAR!
Carlos Mencia: Dee-Dee-Dee!
Sean reaches over and grabs Moses by the shoulder and guides him into a new chair that a stagehand brought in. Jesse stands in his spot, smirking, his gold belt shinning in all of the lights on the stage. Moses sits and fumes as Sean tries to redirect the aggression.
Sean: Part of the problem we see with you being a member of Retribution Solution is this word-up, holla, yo, gimmick you seem to have latched onto like Shadow Man and his past achievements, as if they mean anything. I guess what my question is, would you be willing to try other gimmicks out?
Jesse: What you see is no gimmick. I am what I am. Like Lake, there is no rehab to change who you are. Lake will always be that drunk-druggie deep down inside, no matter how hard he tries. What you see is what you get. If I were to change anything about me, well then, I would not be the champ right now.
Moses: Well, we were just gonna ask you to wear a new hat or something, but if you wanna bring up the fact that I may or may not be drunk right now, then this is going to get real bad real fast.
Jesse Nunez rubs his thumb across his chin, thinking his next choice of words over very carefully. Moses just shakes his head and just watches someone off-stage. Sean is watching Carlos Mencia as Carlos is playing "I'm Not Touching You" with Sean's arm, quietly.
Jesse: Bring it on Lake. I will kick yo' ass right here, right now. And I'll do it while wearing the new hat. Just so ya know, though, if ya throw the first punch, I'll make damn sure I throw the last.
Moses goes to stand again and Sean holds Lake in his chair. While Sean isn't paying attention, Carlos Mencia stands and does a -redacted--dance.
Carlos Mencia: Deet-duh-deet!
Moses: (To Sean)Cocky little fuck, isn't he?
Sean: He really knows how to work the judges, doesn't he?
Moses: Well, shall we try out some new gimmicks?
Sean: I've been waiting for you to ask! Since, Jesse, you're willing to try on "the new hat," part of your audition is to try on these new gimmicks and do a ten second shoot in each outfit.
A stagehand brings out a rack of ten or so outfits ranging greatly in attitude and origination.
Sean: What do you say?
Jesse: Sure, I'll play yo' lil' game. Bring em' out!
Jesse walks over as the rack comes out on stage. We get a close-up of Moses arching his eyebrow in interest as Sean sits up in his chair. We cut to a few moments later with Jesse Nunez in a stereotypical Native American outfit.
Jesse: Hello. This is Jesse "Tomahawk" Nunez. You know why they call me the Tomahawk? Because when I get into the ring every Monday night, my punches are like a Tomahawk hitting you straight in the face. I will kick your ass no matter how stupid I look in this outfit.
Moses and Sean can hardly contain how ridiculous Jesse looks in the outfit. Moses is red and shaking, trying to hold the laughter and Sean hides under the table as Jesse walks off to put on another outfit.
Moses: Holy shit, he said "your." That's ten bonus points for him!
Sean: Which also means you owe me five bucks, “yo.”
Moses: Why do I even bet against you?
Jesse then walks out dressed as James Lipton.
Jesse: Ah hello there, as I walk around the locker room. I see the guys with bad taste in Hollywood films. Well, I for one, who knows everything about movies, know that in fact my life is a movie. It is an everyday Ready to Rumble as you all saw from Stranglemania. I will rule you all. Like I am in the ring, I will “terminate” you. And like in any other action movie. I will be the hero that beats his villain in the ring every night. And it will be bloody as hell.
Sean just shakes his head and rolls his eyes as Jesse sighs walking back toward the dressing room.
Moses: Oh Jesse, we’ve put a special outfit in the dressing room for you. It’ll be the final challenge in your audition. Make sure you put a lot of thought into this one, as it’ll be the deciding factor as to whether you’ve won or not.
Jesse shrugs as the scene cuts to Sean and Moses smirking at each other. Carlos Mencia is on the phone with his agent arguing over who’s material to steal from for his next comedy special. A few minutes later Sean and Moses look up as Jesse has walked out. Carlos looks a little uncomfortable as Retribution Solution try to stifle their laughter.
Jesse: I am The Teabag from Hell and I’m here to dip a little flava into this match, because you ain’t got the taste of what it takes to put on a good sho—
Sean: --uhh, Jesse I’m just going to stop you there.
Jesse: What? Why?
Moses: You’re not a tea bag, moron! You’re dressed as a douchebag, which by the way, I never thought I’d get to literally tell you, in my life. So, obviously this show is paying off pretty well for me.
Jesse Nunez looks himself over and smirks trying to play the situation off like he isn’t pissed off. Sean takes his long-stemmed rose and tosses it in the trashcan between their table and Jesse.
Sean: You don’t get my vote.
Carlos Mencia: Deet-deet-deet!
Carlos tosses his rose in the trash.
Moses: You're still the unoriginal, uninspired, uninteresting, undeserving f**k**g hack that you were when you first walked in here. The fact that Menstealia has made me laugh more than you have in the past 10 minutes tells me that you really won't fit in with us here at the Retribution Solution. Feel free to f**k with Retribution Inc. as much as you want, but it won't be on our dime. Thus, you are the weakest link, you are voted off the island, and you will not be American's Next Member of Retribution Solution. Goodbye.
Moses throws his rose in the trash and flips Jesse Nunez off in the process. Jesse walks slowly off-stage.
Jesse: Man, you guys are clowns!
Moses: Aww, we should’ve had him dress up like Doink!
Sean: That would’ve been gold!
The camera cuts to a close-up of Sean.
Sean: This concludes the very first episode of America’s Next Member of Retribution Solution! Make sure you tune in next week to see if we find our new teammate!
Carlos Mencia crams his face into the close-up.
Carlos Mencia: Deet-deet-deet!
Moses: That’s it! I’ve had it with your bullshit!
Moses flies over Sean, folding chair in hand, and we hear scuffling as the show rolls credits and Brawl goes to commercial.
Skippy: Welcome to Monday Night Brawl. Tonight is the last Brawl telecast before One Night Encounter that takes place 13 days away.
Aiello: And what a show that is shaping up to be. But tonight we have only two matches, but these are great match up’s.
Skippy: 6 men have the opertunity of a life time tonight where the winner of the battle royal will face Lance Fiennes at One Night Encounter for the North American title.
Aiello: And we have a 6 man tag match between Retribution Inc and Retribution Solution plus Jesse Nunez.
Suddenly “Coma” by Guns N’ Roses hits the PA system and the fans stand up and boo as Hurricane Jeff comes out and quickly makes his way to the ring.
Aiello: Last week Max Carter said that Hurricane Jeff would face a mystery man at One Night Encounter.
Skippy: That’s right and Max said that we would find out tonight who it will be.
HJ grabs a mic and starts to speak.
HJ: CUT MY MUSIC!
The music stops.
HJ: Last week, Max Carter challenges me to a match and then tells me that he has hired someone to “represent” him at One Night Encounter. Max wouldn’t tell me who my opponent will be until tonight. All last week I’ve been thinking of people who it might be. And Really, there is nobody, and I mean Nobody out there that Max Carter can find that can get the job done and beat me. I’m a former EWC Undisputed Champion, so Max, you man stand no chance at all at winning. So get your ass out here and tell me who I’m going to be Beating at One Night Encounter.
Just then Faceless by Godsmack hits and Max Carter comes down to the ring and takes the Microphone from Hurricane Jeff.
Max: Its nice to see how confident you are about an opponent that you have no idea that your going to have. You see Jeff. I’ve done my homework. I know that you’ve beaten everyone that was put in front of you. But I know it would take someone more than just any random wrestler. That’s why I had to go outside the EWC roster to find the right person. That’s why I had to go get someone from your past. Someone that you did indeed step foot in the ring with. Someone who does hold a win over you.
HJ grabs the mic
HJ: Damit Max, who the hell is it?
Max takes back the mic.
Max: Your opponent is someone that you traveled all over the world with. Your opponent is someone who’s been with you at your best and at your worse. You both bled together fought side by side and even won a tag title together. You guys we’re the best of friends, and the worse of enemies.
HJ grabs the mic.
HJ: WHO IS IT?
Max takes back the mic.
Max: Hurricane Jeff, your opponent for One Night Encounter is a man who your grown up with. A man who knows you better than you know yourself. Ladies and Gentleman, its an honor to present to you.....
....
....
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
.
DR. MATT!
Skippy: WHAT!
Aiello: How the hell is Max get this guy.
"Your Time Has Come" by Audioslave begins to play as the 6'4 294 lbs Doctor walks out from behind the curtain with a nice welcome from the EWC fans. Matt has a smirk on his face as he stands on the ramp looking at Hurricane Jeff. Hurricane Jeff is shocked that Max got HJ’s childhood friend as his opponent. Jeff is arguing with Max as Brawl cuts to a Sean Ferguson and Moses Lake production.
After a highly overpriced opening theme paid by Sony Productions, Sean and Moses stand center stage on the set of America's Next Member of Retribution Solution. They're both dressed in suits holding long stemmed roses.
Sean: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the very first official episode of America's Next Member of Retribution Solution.
Moses: We would like to cordially invite you the viewers and fans of EWC to join us on the journey toward making our group a complete whole.
Sean snorts.
Sean: Dude, you said, "a complete whole."
Moses nudges Sean and points at the teleprompter.
Moses: This show, as small as it may be is without a doubt, groundbreaking. Why you ask?
Sean: Because at the very core of this show is one focus, finding a new member to join us in the war against the stinky, filthy, Frenchmen, Retribution Incorporated.
Moses: Who the hell wrote this?
Sean: We may very well find our new member tonight, causing this show to be the shortest lived series in history.
Moses: Although, considering our contestant tonight, I doubt it.
Sean: Quite. But first, I would like to personally welcome and introduce our guest judge tonight. He's a household name in the comedy world, and the Lord of the deet-duh-deets, Carlos Mencia!
Canned applause is heard as Retribution Solution sit behind the judge's table. Carlos Mencia sits and waves at everyone in the crowd. The cameras then focus on the far end of the stage and a silly announcer is heard over "The Time Is Now" by John Cena & Tha Trademarc.
Announcer Dude: Ladies and gentlemen, Jesse Nunez!
The crowd claps and cheers as Jesse walks out through curtains and waves at the crowd. Jesse then walks to center stage and stands at his mark, facing Retribution Solution and Carlos Mencia.
Sean: Thanks Announcer Dude!
Announcer Dude: Party on Moses & Ferg!
Moses: Jesse Nunez, all personal bullshit aside, and forget the fact that you are an unoriginal, uninspired, uninteresting, undeserving f**k**g hack, and that you've pissed on the legacy of every man who ever wore the EwC Undisputed World Championship by turning it into a m*th*rf**k**g turntable and that as the champion, we should be coming to you instead of you coming to us AND that the only time you've ever actually been able to pin me was in a clusterfuck tag team match, why the hell do you think you could possibly ever stand even the slightest of chances of even possibly slightly being considered to be a part of the Retribution Solution?
Sean: I think what my surly partner meant to ask, albeit rather rudely phrased, "Jesse, are you f**k**g kidding me?"
Canned audience members are heard murmuring at the confrontational attitude, but Jesse shrugs the question off with thug-lyfe style.
Jesse: Well look what I have and you two don't. I have this EwC title on my shoulder. Besides, I have more beef with BDC than both of you put together.
Moses stands out of his chair, picks it up, and smashes it on the table.
Moses: YOU STUPID FUCK, YOU GOT THE f**k**g TITLE BECAUSE OF HIM AND I LOST EVERY f**k**g THING I HOLD DEAR!
Carlos Mencia: Dee-Dee-Dee!
Sean reaches over and grabs Moses by the shoulder and guides him into a new chair that a stagehand brought in. Jesse stands in his spot, smirking, his gold belt shinning in all of the lights on the stage. Moses sits and fumes as Sean tries to redirect the aggression.
Sean: Part of the problem we see with you being a member of Retribution Solution is this word-up, holla, yo, gimmick you seem to have latched onto like Shadow Man and his past achievements, as if they mean anything. I guess what my question is, would you be willing to try other gimmicks out?
Jesse: What you see is no gimmick. I am what I am. Like Lake, there is no rehab to change who you are. Lake will always be that drunk-druggie deep down inside, no matter how hard he tries. What you see is what you get. If I were to change anything about me, well then, I would not be the champ right now.
Moses: Well, we were just gonna ask you to wear a new hat or something, but if you wanna bring up the fact that I may or may not be drunk right now, then this is going to get real bad real fast.
Jesse Nunez rubs his thumb across his chin, thinking his next choice of words over very carefully. Moses just shakes his head and just watches someone off-stage. Sean is watching Carlos Mencia as Carlos is playing "I'm Not Touching You" with Sean's arm, quietly.
Jesse: Bring it on Lake. I will kick yo' ass right here, right now. And I'll do it while wearing the new hat. Just so ya know, though, if ya throw the first punch, I'll make damn sure I throw the last.
Moses goes to stand again and Sean holds Lake in his chair. While Sean isn't paying attention, Carlos Mencia stands and does a -redacted--dance.
Carlos Mencia: Deet-duh-deet!
Moses: (To Sean)Cocky little fuck, isn't he?
Sean: He really knows how to work the judges, doesn't he?
Moses: Well, shall we try out some new gimmicks?
Sean: I've been waiting for you to ask! Since, Jesse, you're willing to try on "the new hat," part of your audition is to try on these new gimmicks and do a ten second shoot in each outfit.
A stagehand brings out a rack of ten or so outfits ranging greatly in attitude and origination.
Sean: What do you say?
Jesse: Sure, I'll play yo' lil' game. Bring em' out!
Jesse walks over as the rack comes out on stage. We get a close-up of Moses arching his eyebrow in interest as Sean sits up in his chair. We cut to a few moments later with Jesse Nunez in a stereotypical Native American outfit.
Jesse: Hello. This is Jesse "Tomahawk" Nunez. You know why they call me the Tomahawk? Because when I get into the ring every Monday night, my punches are like a Tomahawk hitting you straight in the face. I will kick your ass no matter how stupid I look in this outfit.
Moses and Sean can hardly contain how ridiculous Jesse looks in the outfit. Moses is red and shaking, trying to hold the laughter and Sean hides under the table as Jesse walks off to put on another outfit.
Moses: Holy shit, he said "your." That's ten bonus points for him!
Sean: Which also means you owe me five bucks, “yo.”
Moses: Why do I even bet against you?
Jesse then walks out dressed as James Lipton.
Jesse: Ah hello there, as I walk around the locker room. I see the guys with bad taste in Hollywood films. Well, I for one, who knows everything about movies, know that in fact my life is a movie. It is an everyday Ready to Rumble as you all saw from Stranglemania. I will rule you all. Like I am in the ring, I will “terminate” you. And like in any other action movie. I will be the hero that beats his villain in the ring every night. And it will be bloody as hell.
Sean just shakes his head and rolls his eyes as Jesse sighs walking back toward the dressing room.
Moses: Oh Jesse, we’ve put a special outfit in the dressing room for you. It’ll be the final challenge in your audition. Make sure you put a lot of thought into this one, as it’ll be the deciding factor as to whether you’ve won or not.
Jesse shrugs as the scene cuts to Sean and Moses smirking at each other. Carlos Mencia is on the phone with his agent arguing over who’s material to steal from for his next comedy special. A few minutes later Sean and Moses look up as Jesse has walked out. Carlos looks a little uncomfortable as Retribution Solution try to stifle their laughter.
Jesse: I am The Teabag from Hell and I’m here to dip a little flava into this match, because you ain’t got the taste of what it takes to put on a good sho—
Sean: --uhh, Jesse I’m just going to stop you there.
Jesse: What? Why?
Moses: You’re not a tea bag, moron! You’re dressed as a douchebag, which by the way, I never thought I’d get to literally tell you, in my life. So, obviously this show is paying off pretty well for me.
Jesse Nunez looks himself over and smirks trying to play the situation off like he isn’t pissed off. Sean takes his long-stemmed rose and tosses it in the trashcan between their table and Jesse.
Sean: You don’t get my vote.
Carlos Mencia: Deet-deet-deet!
Carlos tosses his rose in the trash.
Moses: You're still the unoriginal, uninspired, uninteresting, undeserving f**k**g hack that you were when you first walked in here. The fact that Menstealia has made me laugh more than you have in the past 10 minutes tells me that you really won't fit in with us here at the Retribution Solution. Feel free to f**k with Retribution Inc. as much as you want, but it won't be on our dime. Thus, you are the weakest link, you are voted off the island, and you will not be American's Next Member of Retribution Solution. Goodbye.
Moses throws his rose in the trash and flips Jesse Nunez off in the process. Jesse walks slowly off-stage.
Jesse: Man, you guys are clowns!
Moses: Aww, we should’ve had him dress up like Doink!
Sean: That would’ve been gold!
The camera cuts to a close-up of Sean.
Sean: This concludes the very first episode of America’s Next Member of Retribution Solution! Make sure you tune in next week to see if we find our new teammate!
Carlos Mencia crams his face into the close-up.
Carlos Mencia: Deet-deet-deet!
Moses: That’s it! I’ve had it with your bullshit!
Moses flies over Sean, folding chair in hand, and we hear scuffling as the show rolls credits and Brawl goes to commercial.
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