Post by Jon Kellar on Sept 8, 2015 8:54:05 GMT -6
THE KELLAR FILES
Tick… tock… tick… tock…
Jon Kellar leant back in his armchair and sighed, smiling as he did. He took a sip of his glass of water and closed his eyes, enjoying the soothing tones of the old wooden clock that stood in the corner of Dr Kuwak’s office. Dr Kuwak herself sat and observed her patient.
This was the first time she had seen Jon Kellar for a number of months. He had become increasingly withdrawn following the death of his wife and being cut off by his father-in-law. She had chalked this up to him concentrating on adapting to life as a single father, and that he would come back in his own time. For that reason, she had kept in contact through his manager, Sean O’Riley, and extended invitations to resume sessions anytime.
Nevertheless, it had surprised her when Jon had actually accepted one of those invitations. It surprised her even more that a man dealing with grief and the stress of raising a child seemed remarkably happy and upbeat.
She tapped her pad with her pen.
Kuwak: So… I understand you’re moving back to the States full time.
Kellar: That’s right. I’ve been offered work here…
Kuwak: By work I assume you mean wrestling…
Kellar: Well I tried flower arranging but I kept crushing the Roses…
Kellar smiled.
Kuwak did not.
Kellar: *clears throat* So yes, I’m back in the ring, but you know, I think it’s good for me.
Kuwak: I see.
Kellar: What are you writing?
Kuwak: Jon… I know Dyna died back in January but the grieving process can take a very long time. Different people respond in different ways; everyone has their own coping mechanism.
Kellar: Oh this isn’t a coping mechanism.
Kuwak: That’s my worry…
Kellar frowned
Kellar: Isn’t part of the grieving process accepting that she’s gone and moving on with my life? This is part of it.
Kuwak: It could be… but I’m worried it may be something else, given your past history.
Kellar’s smile faded.
Kellar: I’m clean. I’ve been clean for over 7 years now. No opiates, no painkillers, I barely even drink now.
Kuwak: I didn’t say anything about drugs… but the drugs were symptom, not a cause.
Kellar: This again…
Kuwak: Jon, you and I have been meeting for many years now and as I’ve told you several times, I believe that you have a strong tendency towards self-destructive behaviour when under stress. Remember how you told me you used to hear voices?
Kellar: I haven’t heard voices for years.
Kuwak: Really? Sean told me that after your last match you said “I found him.”
Kellar looked to the side and shuffled awkwardly.
Kuwak: Who did you find?
Kellar: I was delirious from blood loss… I didn’t know what I was saying.
Kuwak: You’re the only patient I know who brushes off blood loss when trying to argue against self destructive behaviour.
Kellar chuckled
Kellar: Occupational hazard. Wrestling’s a dangerous profession.
Kuwak: Hmmm…
Kellar: Look, if I had something to hide, would I have agreed to come here? Would I agree to resume these sessions?
Kuwak: Oh, you intend to resume our sessions fully?
Kellar thought for a moment, then slowly replied.
Kellar: Yes.
Kuwak: You don’t sound sure…
Kellar: Well it’s not easy coming here you know…
Kuwak: I understand… but these sessions will only help if you’re willing to be honest with me.
Kellar: You think I’m not being honest?
Kuwak: I think you’re holding back, and I think you’re dodging the issue.
Kellar: I think you worry too much…
Kellar took a deep breath
Kellar: I’m happy. I’m not getting back in the ring out of some weird psychological desire to self-destruct, but because I’m good at it, and EWC and NJFC are paying me enough to keep my family clothed, sheletered and fed. I’m not hearing voices, I’m not seeing things, I’m not popping pills, and I love Dyna and I always will… but I can’t live my life constrained by what I think she would want.
Kuwak nodded, but her face told the whole story. She was not convinced.
Kuwak: Okay.
Kellar: I’m getting back on track… I promise…
Kuwak: Jon, like I said, for these sessions to work, you’ll have to open up. I don’t think you’re ready to do that yet. Now if you want to come here and talk, then you can, but sooner or later you’re going to have to face up to all this, properly.
Kellar: I still think you’re worrying too much…
Kuwak: I hope you’re right.
Kellar rose and left the room. As the door closed behind him, he slumped against the wall and tilted his head back.
Dynamite: Very good Jon… I think they believed you…
Kellar closed his eyes tightly, and breathed hard.
Dynamite: Oh don’t feel bad Jon… you used to be so good at lying. All this guilt crap… it’s so unlike you…
Kellar: I’m not that man anymore…
Dynamite: You’re not a dual World Champion either... but we can change all that. Now if you’re done searching for your inner child, I suggest you head for the nearest gym. You have another Rose to crush…
