Post by Melinda Rhodes on Oct 3, 2021 10:36:11 GMT -6
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Those that never tried, died long before their final day"
"They suffered not knowing, never showing, never growing"
"Doing nothing is easy and free"
"Being nothing is the price you pay"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"It was a question asked in private by someone I love dearly that brought the topic of today's discussion and that topic is, Why am I doing this?" I state to the camera recording me in my studio with it's brick walls and strategic wall carpeting for sound quality.
"In three days as of this recording, I turn 40 and I still feel good, I still feel like I can go and contribute. Some have told me not to risk my health and just play it safe but I gotta' know...."
I look away for a moment, down at my tattooed hands and rub them together. I'm a bundle of nerves like you wouldn't believe and it probably shows as I look back with that intensity I've always been known for. Those hard looks always covered up the nerves so well and I give the camera one of those now.
"...am I even worthy of being in the ring again?"
It's a legit question.
"I had all these chances just handed up to me and I kept ruining them in fed after fed after fed. Yet All this time Danny Mac always checked in on me, always asked me how I was doing. This was the man who I metaphorically spit in the face of on my final days in EWC in 2018. I gave him all the hell I had because my entitled ass felt what was coming was unfair. I was a different beast back then, full of ego and pride. I wasted myself because I couldn't accept that I wasn't as good as I thought I was."
My hands clasp and those palms rub together in a soothing, calming action. That honesty with myself? It feels pretty damn good, not gonna' lie.
"I was high on arrogance and I couldn't see the harm I was causing past the perceived insults and slights I felt. Fans might've liked me, but I left such a bad taste in the mouths of so many people that used to call me friend and were proud to say they shared a ring with me. Been spending the years that followed in limbo, working where I could but I was so bitter and so angry that I wouldn't last long. This bitch self-destructed for years and throughout it all, I kept getting the occasional phone call from good ol' Danny, checking in on me."
I chuckle and shake my head.
"It's so damn funny in a way that he'd always be so polite and straightforward. He'd ask me how I'm doing, if things were going well. I'd tell him my woes and he'd listen. This was the guy I literally snapped and told him to go fuck himself on my last day, pissed off that I was losing my Stranglemania moment. Looking back on that and seeing how we're still talking, that still impresses the hell out of me. Patience is a hell of an attribute that so few of us really have anymore. Wish I had more of it myself."
Getting a bit more comfortable, I lean my back against the wall behind me.
"EWC is the biggest promotion in the world, offering the stiffest competition that the sport has to offer. Some of these cats have been killing it year after year, your Ace Kings, Stitches, Xavier Reeds, and Samantha Hamiltons. I just threw the last one in there because I know her and probably did her a little dirty when she left my company, but that's ok. Titaness, this ass is up for kicking if you ever want. I'm sure the buy rates would be great."
Another soft little chuckle passes those lips of mine, but the fun of the moment leaves as I get serious for a moment.
"All that aside, this is my last chance. Period. If I can't figure this out and make it work? Yeah I deserve to fade away and be forgotten. Thank you for your patience, Danny, I just hope I'm worth it. To the fans, see you out in the ring. To my competitors in waiting? Can't wait to meet ya. To my haters waiting in the wings to see me fall? Well, here's to hoping I have the last laugh, motherfuckers."
Shoving off the wall I exit the fame and kill the feed. Time to go to work.
"In three days as of this recording, I turn 40 and I still feel good, I still feel like I can go and contribute. Some have told me not to risk my health and just play it safe but I gotta' know...."
I look away for a moment, down at my tattooed hands and rub them together. I'm a bundle of nerves like you wouldn't believe and it probably shows as I look back with that intensity I've always been known for. Those hard looks always covered up the nerves so well and I give the camera one of those now.
"...am I even worthy of being in the ring again?"
It's a legit question.
"I had all these chances just handed up to me and I kept ruining them in fed after fed after fed. Yet All this time Danny Mac always checked in on me, always asked me how I was doing. This was the man who I metaphorically spit in the face of on my final days in EWC in 2018. I gave him all the hell I had because my entitled ass felt what was coming was unfair. I was a different beast back then, full of ego and pride. I wasted myself because I couldn't accept that I wasn't as good as I thought I was."
My hands clasp and those palms rub together in a soothing, calming action. That honesty with myself? It feels pretty damn good, not gonna' lie.
"I was high on arrogance and I couldn't see the harm I was causing past the perceived insults and slights I felt. Fans might've liked me, but I left such a bad taste in the mouths of so many people that used to call me friend and were proud to say they shared a ring with me. Been spending the years that followed in limbo, working where I could but I was so bitter and so angry that I wouldn't last long. This bitch self-destructed for years and throughout it all, I kept getting the occasional phone call from good ol' Danny, checking in on me."
I chuckle and shake my head.
"It's so damn funny in a way that he'd always be so polite and straightforward. He'd ask me how I'm doing, if things were going well. I'd tell him my woes and he'd listen. This was the guy I literally snapped and told him to go fuck himself on my last day, pissed off that I was losing my Stranglemania moment. Looking back on that and seeing how we're still talking, that still impresses the hell out of me. Patience is a hell of an attribute that so few of us really have anymore. Wish I had more of it myself."
Getting a bit more comfortable, I lean my back against the wall behind me.
"EWC is the biggest promotion in the world, offering the stiffest competition that the sport has to offer. Some of these cats have been killing it year after year, your Ace Kings, Stitches, Xavier Reeds, and Samantha Hamiltons. I just threw the last one in there because I know her and probably did her a little dirty when she left my company, but that's ok. Titaness, this ass is up for kicking if you ever want. I'm sure the buy rates would be great."
Another soft little chuckle passes those lips of mine, but the fun of the moment leaves as I get serious for a moment.
"All that aside, this is my last chance. Period. If I can't figure this out and make it work? Yeah I deserve to fade away and be forgotten. Thank you for your patience, Danny, I just hope I'm worth it. To the fans, see you out in the ring. To my competitors in waiting? Can't wait to meet ya. To my haters waiting in the wings to see me fall? Well, here's to hoping I have the last laugh, motherfuckers."
Shoving off the wall I exit the fame and kill the feed. Time to go to work.