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Beth Harte pulls out the bow and arrow she keeps hidden inside of a tree, and shoots an arrow up, hitting the fuel tank of Redface's jetback, causing it to loose power. However the fuel catches flame from the boosters of the rokcte and send him flying wildly, until Redface slams, head first, into a tree. Beth runs over and pins him.
1..2..3
She takes the title and runs off deeper into the forest.
As Cameron Hayden 2x EWC World Heavyweight Champion EWC World Tag Team Champion EWC Rampage Television Champion EWC Hall of Fame Inductee As Beth Harte EWC United States Champion
Beth Harte comes to a clearing from the jungle to a Catholic ministry. She looks around and notices only a few monks and some villagers around. She thinks this is the perfect place to hide. But she is wrong. Beth Harte walks into the church and prays that no one will find her. But someone has. Out of the shadows of the church comes a man wearing a monks tunic. The "monk" bashes Beth Harte in the back of the head with a water pitcher. Beth Harte falls to the gorund and monks coming running over. DJ Jones explains to them that Beth Harte has the fever and needs to be taken care of. Before the monks take her away, a monkey comes walking in the church wearing a referee uniform. DJ Jones realizes this and automatically thinks Joey Orsome. The monkey goes over to DJ Jones than looks at BEth Harte and than looks back at DJ Jones and waits for the cover. DJ Jones covers Beth Harte for the 1...2...3. DJ than lets the monks carry her away. DJ Jones than runs to a nearby airfield, hops a plane, and flies back to the US of A. Once back in the USA DJ Jones heads for the City of Sin Las Vegas. Nobody will find him there he thinks.
Post by Lance Fiennes on Jul 15, 2007 1:37:25 GMT -6
DJ runs into a casino and decides to hit the poker tables. He sits there as players from the previous bout begin to leave. So he sits there, twiddling his chips with the Combat Title over his shoulder, until at the opposite end of the table Lance Fiennes sits. DJ Jones gasps in fright, expecting a fight, but Lance just smiles through his Ray-bans, nodding as he dumps a load of chips on his end of the table.
Lance- "Play?"
With EwC producers jumping at the chance to see ratings skyrocket at the thought of a casino royale between two superstars, Lance cuts in with what none of them wanted to hear.
Lance- "Just kidding. These chips aren't even mine!"
Grinning, Lance lifts up his end of the table very quickly, toppling it over DJ Jones with a loud thud as people around him scream in horror, DJ Jones crushed by the impact of the table. The dealer at the table tears off his shirt to reveal a referee's uniform, and as Lance pulls away the shattered table to reveal the unconscious DJ Jones, he pins him.
The referee counts...
1...
2...
3!!!
Lance then takes the belt. Afterwards, security rushes to Lance in an attempt to seek compensation, but he gleefully points at the wrecked DJ Jones.
Lance- "He did it."
And who better to believe Lance than underpaid meatfaces at a casino?
Lance turns around, only to be met with the stick they use to rangle the dice in the game of craps, cracking over his head. He goes down like Paris Hilton on video tape.
Beth pins him (1..2..3!) And takes a chip equaling the value of $20, and slides in between Lance's lips. She [pats him on the head.
"Thanks for the title," She says, as she makes her way towards the elevator...
As Cameron Hayden 2x EWC World Heavyweight Champion EWC World Tag Team Champion EWC Rampage Television Champion EWC Hall of Fame Inductee As Beth Harte EWC United States Champion
After a few minutes of explaining the mess and what was happening, DJ Jones finally pays for the damages and starts to leave the casino. On his way out he sees the man who beat him for the title,Lance Fiennes, standing against a wall. DJ Jones gets ready to attack, but notices Lance doesn't have the title anymore. DJ Jones asks around and finally someone tells him what happened.
DJ: "How the hell did she get oot of Africa? Nevermind. Time to get my title back."
DJ Jones runs up to the twelth floor (this casino has 12 floors) and bangs on every door until Beth Harte pokes her head out from a door close to the fire escape. Relaizing she has been spotted, Beth Harte bolts out the emergency door with DJ Jones in hot persuit. After a chase down the stairs and through the casino, DJ Jones finally chases Beth Harte outside into public. Beth Harte fakes an ankle sprainby falling down and DJ Jones is happy to help a wounded woman. As DJ Jones is helping Beth Harte to her feet, she kicks him in the ass and punches him in his "dice". Beth Harte runs off as DJ Jones is left behind in pain. DJ Jones finally begins his persuit again and finally catches up with Beth Harte. SHe tries her same stunt again, but DJ Jones blocks the low blow and executes a Downfall onto the street concrete. A taxi driving by stops, and out runs a referee. DJ Jones picks up Beth Harte's limp unconscious body and throws it in a................telephone booth? DJ Jones than slams the only way to enter on the ground and covers the phone booth. 1...2...3. DJ Jones than looks around and notices a fat Elvis impersonator with wet grease and sweat stains all over his suit. DJ Jones pays the Elvis-lokk-alike $100 to sit on top of the phone booth for a 20 minute span, just so DJ Jones can get a good enough head start. Before the Elvis look alike sits down, DJ Jones pooks holes in the phon booth for Beth Harte to breath. The dumbass look alike sits on the holes, and as DJ Jones is walking away he hears a loud rumble and a girl screaming. DJ Jones turns around and sees BEth Harte frantically trying to get out of the phone booth. DJ Jones asks the impersonator what happened and the impersonator just simply replied by saying he farted. DJ Jones than turns around laughing and runs into Vegas. The referee catches up with DJ Jones and asked him why he pinned her inside a phone booth?
DJ: If Joey Orsome can pin someone on top of a pile of dolls, I can pin someone inside a phone booth.
Both men laugh at the image and go their seperate paths. DJ Jones goes to the airport and boards a private plane. After the plane lands, DJ Jones is so amazed of the beauty fo the Grand Canyon.
With the penguin in tow, Crazyman managed to find a trading post in the middle of the jungle. Hitching a ride to the nearest city, Crazyman and Philip (for that is what we will call the penguin) soon manage to catch a flight back to the USA. Picking the first flight he could get, Crazyman finds himself in Las Vegas, where he wonders just how many Air Miles he's managed to clock up with all this travelling, and if his pay cheque is gonna cover it.
In Las Vegas, Crazyman and Philip are confronted with the sight of Beth Harte trapped in a phone booth. Beth bangs on the glass hopelessly. It seems a rotund Elvis impersonator has fallen asleep on top of the phone booth. Not one to leave a lady in distress, Crazyman wakes the fake Elvis.
Crazyman: What the hell's going on here?
Fake Elvis: Uh, some loon tossed this booth over and paid me to sit on it.
Crazyman: You do realise there's a person inside it?
Elvis: Ah-uh-huh. I tried making conversation but, "She ain't nothin' but a hound dog, cryin' all the time-"
Crazyman: Stop that. Which way did this guy go?
Elvis: Uh, I think he said somethin' 'bout headin' to Graceland.
Crazyman: Graceland?
Elvis: No, wait, that's where I'm goin'! I mean the Grand Canyon.
Crazyman: Great. let's go, Philip!
Crazyman and Philip run and waddle off respectively. Beth Harte continues banging on the wall of the phone booth.
Beth Harte: Crazyman? Crazyman? Hey, Joel! You son of a bitch!!
Crazyman and Philip hitch a ride to the Grand Canyon. After several hours of searching, they find DJ Jones hiding in a cave, the 24 Combat Title around his waist. Thinking fast, Crazyman throws the only thing within arm's reach - Philip. The penguin hits DJ hard, but while Jones is hurt, he's not down. Crazyman rushes forward, but DJ is ready, throwing sand into Crazy's eyes and blinding him temporarily. Jones jumps on Crazyman and starts throwing blows to his head, but Crazyman kicks him off, jumps to his feet, and hits a nasty backdrop. With Jones down, Crazyman locks in the Texas Cloverleaf. Jones holds on for as long as he can, but with no way out of the hold, he eventually has to tap. Philip awards the title to Crazyman, and they race from the cave. They hop a bus back to the Midwest - hey, airplane tickets are expensive.
Sig by Maddog
Two Time Television Champion
Current United States Champion
Singles: 22-9-1 Tags: 8-6-0
DJ Jones still lying on the ground from the pain the Texas Cloverleaf had on him. He thinks to himself how much Crazyman is going to pay. Also DJ Jones hates penguins. DJ Jones finally gets up and dusts himself off. He rushes to the nearest airport and hurries to an airline. DJ notices people doing a commercial for airline miles bought with a credit card. DJ Jones ignores the people and buys a one way ticket with his credit card and flashes a smile while holding up his credit card to the camera.
After a two hour flight, DJ Jones is somewhere in the Midwest. He tracks down Crazyman and his pet penguin Philip, DJ Jones grows more furious because the penguin and his youngest brother share the same name, to one horse town surrounded by wheat fields. Nebraska. DJ Jones hates Nebraska. Finally DJ Jones comes upon Crazyman having a heated debate with the penguin named Philip. Apparently Philip wanted to fly and Crazyman didn't have enough money. DJ Jones calls Crazyman out and remembers the bloodshed they have spilt over the 24 hour title. DJ Jones charges at Crazyman and lands a devastating blow to Crazyman's left temple. Crazyman answers back with another devastating punch to the jaw of DJ Jones. As both men are fighting, Philip decides to steal the 24 Title for himself. Both DJ Jones and Crazyman realize what the penguin is doing and attack. Both men pick up Philip and throw him over a fence. As both men go back to fighting, they hear a loud yelp and quacking (do penguins quack like ducks?) and notice Philip bust through the gate followed by three starved dogs. Both DJ Jones and Crazyman laugh at the hilarious scene. DJ offers to buy Crazyman a beer and than resume. Crazyman accepts, and both men walk into a local bar. After a couple rounds both men are feeling invincible. DJ Jones points out a very sexy looking youmg latina standing in the corner. Crazyman walks over and DJ Jones pours eyedrops into his drink. All of a sudden a fight breaks out and Crazyman is thrown back towards DJ Jones. DJ Jones asks what happened and Crazyman replies with her brother hit me. Crazyman finishes his drink in one gulp, but than DJ Jones breaks the beer bottle over Crazyman's head and bashes his head off the bar a couple ofd times for good measure. DJ Jones watches as Crazyman falls to the ground, just at that saame moment Philip comes waddling in exhausted from his near death encounter with the hungry dogs. DJ Jones covers Crazyman and Philip counts the 1...2...3.
After the pinfall DJ Jones buys Philip a bowl of water and watch as Crazyman comes back to conciousness. Right before Crazyman can land a single punch, he grabs his stomach and asks what DJ Jones did. DJ Jones pulls the bottle of etedrops out and laughs as Crazyman runs into the bathroom. Before Philip and DJ Jones leave, DJ Jones goes into the bathroom and props a chair against the door and asks the biggest biker in the bar to beat the man if he ever comes out of the stahl. DJ Jones and Philip leave the bar and hear in the background a fight from inside the bar. DJ Jones hop into a car and drive East. Philip once again gets mad because he is not flying, so DJ Jones calms him down and says next time. After three days of traveling, DJ Jones and Philip reach good old Pittsburgh.
Post by Lance Fiennes on Jul 16, 2007 2:46:13 GMT -6
When suddenly a fleet of Pittsburgh students streaking for no good reason swarm their car at a stop sign. Philip faints, but DJ Jones gets out of the car and kicks all the nudies in their rude bits. They go down faster than Hugh Hefner on his three not-really-hot wives.
DJ Jones runs further into the Pittsburgh city area, where he finds a hot dog stand in the ghetto area. As he chows down on a good chilli dog, Cryme Tyme makes an EwC cameo, they kick the s**t out of DJ Jones, steal his wallet, and then prance off with their theme music blaring from an unseen location.
Lance Fiennes happens to be having an early morning jog nearby. He stops, checks his watch, shrugs, and then runs over, pins DJ (the hot dog stand owner is a referee also) and waits for the count.
1...
2...
3!!!
Lance takes the Combat Title and jogs off back to his hotel.
TBC.
Last Edit: Jul 16, 2007 2:46:36 GMT -6 by Lance Fiennes
DJ Jones wakes up in the middle of the road surrounded by naked men and women. He begins to frantically fight them off, when the hot dog vendor calms him down and explains what happened. DJ Jones becomes infuriated. To calm himself down, he orders another hot dog (this time with saurkraut instead of chili) and starts his hunt for Lance Fiennes. After searching a couple of hours, DJ Jones spots Lance coming out of grocery store carrying groceries. DJ Jones thinks for an idea, and finally gets one. DJ Jones gets into a nearby taxi and follows Lance Fiennes back to his hotel room. After checking to see what room Lance was in, DJ JOnes begins his plan. DJ Jones go out the door and around the buildinjg to where there is a dumb waiter elevatore in the back. DJ Jones climbs inside the elevator and pulls himslef up to the floor that Lance Fiennes is staying on. DJ Jones quietly creeps out of the dumb waiter and creeps softly to Lance Fiennes's room. He peers inside the room and sees Lance sitting on the couch, drinking water, and watching old wrestling tapes of his next opponent. DJ waits and than at the right moment attacks Lance Fiennes from behind with a room service cart. DJ Jones than hits Lance over the head with a leg of lamb sent to the room next door. The referee from earlier, the hot dog vendor, all of a sudden comes walking into the room. He sees the fight and instinctively goes into referee mode. After several suplexes onto various furniture, DJ Jones finally hits the Downfall and follows up with the Dominance to secure the victory. The referee raises DJ Jones's hand and announces the winner. DJ Jones exits the room, the couple next door is bitching up a storm because their laeg of lamb is ruined, and pays for all and any damages done to the hotel. DJ Jones than exits the hotel, finds Philip, and both buy tickets and board a plane with the destination of New York City.
Once in the Big Apple, DJ Jones and Philip see many of the sites. The Statue of Liberty, the Metropolitan Museum of Art, and so forth and so forth.
Post by Lance Fiennes on Jul 16, 2007 7:50:20 GMT -6
They then decide to head to the nearby Wax Museum. As they're walking through the sea of lifelike wax statues of famous people, Phillip starts gawking at a Paris Hilton statue, and DJ Jones loses track of where he is, thus walking on ahead.
He heads past many more statues, eventually leading him into a different room.
Rameses II...
Queen Elizabeth I...
Bono...
That pirate dude from Dodgeball...
Lance Fiennes...[/color]
He proceeds to a statue of Hulk Hogan and then stops dead. He goes back to the Lance Fiennes statue and stares very intently at it, hoping to see it move.
Suddenly the severed head of the Paris Hilton statue is smacked against the skull of DJ Jones, and he crumples in a heap. Lance Fiennes (the real one) reveals himself as the attacker, and he pins DJ. A nearby wax statue of a referee turns out to be a real referee, and he dashes from his podium to count.
1...
2...
3!!!
Lance takes the Combat Title and exits the building, snatching a limo ordered in by BDC, and heads to the park...
Post by "The Elite" Jay Cee on Jul 16, 2007 13:16:10 GMT -6
Lance's limo is speeding down the street as Lance grins he hears a honking from a truck. Lance turns to see Jay Cee is driving it. The truck gets closer and starts smashing into the back of Lance's limo. The limo is run off the street and crashes.
Jay stays in the truck as the limo reverses and turns to face Jays truck.
All of a sudden both the limo and truck transform into robots and both start to fight. The superior truck smashes Lances limo/robot knocking it down. Jays truck/robot turns and does a J-sault off a near by building and lands ontop of the limo/robot.
A police car turns up with its lights flashing and stops infront of the Truck/robot ontop of the limo/robot.
The police car transforms into a referee robot and counts the limo/robots shoulders down.
1...
2...
3...
The limo/robot changes back into a limo and the truck/robot changes back to a truck and Jay gets out opens the limo door and takes the belt. He slams the door shut and goes back to the truck. The door won't open. Jay locked the keys inside.
Jay: Shit.
He turns and sees a sign saying "port" and Jay heads in that direction. Looking for a boat or ship he sees nothing but a tiny row boat.
Knowing its his only option he jumps in and paddles away with the title.
Crazyman is stuck in Nebraska. Crazyman hates Nebraska. He hates it so very, very much. As he sits outside the bar, nursing his still hurting head, he gets a call on his mobile phone.
Crazyman: Hello?
Philip: *Whatever the hell noise penguins make*
Crazyman: Philip! You son of a bitch, you left me in Nebraska! Where are you?
Philip: *More penguin noises*
Crazyman: Philip, I can't understand a word you're saying - the connection is terrible! Now say again, where are you?
Philip: *Louder penguin noises*
Crazyman: New York? The title is there? Giant robots killing everybody? Have you been drinking?
Philip: *Increasingly angry penguin noises*
Crazyman: OK, OK, I'm on my way. Meet me in Grand Central; I'll be on the first train back to New York.
After several hours travel, Crazyman arrives in New York and his rendezvous with Philip. Philip takes him down to the dock, where they find Jay Cee desperately trying to row a paddle boat, but succeeding only in rowing round and round in circles. The man may be a great wrestler, but he's no sailor.
Crazyman: Philip, you know what to do.
Philip dives into the water, and with all his penguin power pushes the row boat back to the shore. Jay Cee throws an oar at Crazyman, but it misses. Jumping up onto the dock, he swings with the other oar. But Crazyman has one too, and they fight across the dock. Finally, Crazyman connects with a powerful shot to the head. Jay Cee goes down, and Crazyman makes the cover. Philip counts the pin, and as soon as Crazyman grabs the title they run from the port.
Crazyman: Where do you think we should go, Philip?
Philip: *There's that penguin noise again*
Crazyman: No, I don't think I want to go look at a Paris Hilton statue. She freaks me out. I think maybe it's time to stop this adventuring Philip. Maybe it's time you settled down, huh?
Philip: *"Yeah" in penguin*
Crazyman: Then I know just the place. To the Central Park Zoo!
Sig by Maddog
Two Time Television Champion
Current United States Champion
Singles: 22-9-1 Tags: 8-6-0
Post by Lance Fiennes on Jul 16, 2007 22:07:59 GMT -6
Crazyman and Philip reach the Central Park Zoo. As they wander there, Crazyman's gaze leaves Philip altogether as he watches the lions play, the elephants crush their children for no good reason, and the deers frolick in a poacher-free environment (very rare nowadays...). He comes to the penguins area, where a sign out the front says WE APOLOGISE FOR THE ABSENCE OF PENGUINS, WE ARE UPDATING THEIR HOME, THEY WILL RETURN SOON. Despite this, a lone penguin sits there. Crazyman tilts his head in confusion.
Then he looks behind himself, finding no penguin. Gasping, he looks back into the penguin area, figuring that the penguin in there is indeed Philip.
Lance- "Need these?"
Crazyman turns and sees Lance Fiennes standing there with a key dangling from his right index finger.
Lance- "I'll give them to you if you lay down and let me pin you for the title."
Crazyman figures that a penguin is more important, so he lies down and lets Lance gently place a hand across his chest as a nearby spectator turns out to be a referee and runs over to count.
1...
2...
3!!!
Lance takes the belt, gives Crazyman the keys, and runs off to the nearby train station. Meanwhile, Crazyman tries the keys on the door to the penguin area... but they don't work. Lance gave him fake keys.
Lance Fiennes enters teh train station and immediately hides from the large crowd of people. He ducks and weaves through the people as a mouse would in a maze. He finally gets to the ticket desk and asks when the next train is leaving. Lance is told to wait for the next train to leave in 30 minutes. Lance is pissed off, but decides to wait. While he is waiting, he orders a hot dog, a soda, a magazine to read, and some gum. (Gum? Who the hell orders gum these days?)
While trying to find Crazyman, DJ Jones stumbles across the New York Zoo. He searches the whole zoo until he finally finds Crazyman frantically trying to open a glass door. He walks over and sees that Crazyman is trying to free Philip from his glass prison. DJ Jones has spent quite enough time with Philip and has grown fond of the little bastard. DJ Jones agrees to help Crazyman free Philip (Tear) After tracking down a zookeeper with keys, DJ Jones takes the zookeeper to Crazyman and finally Philip is freed. (Hooray) DJ Jones asks Crazyman who would lock Philip in a glass cage and Crazyman tells him Lance Fiennes. Infuriated DJ Jones shoves Crazyman into the glass enclosure, takes the keys, grabs Philip, and runs off. Outside the zoo, DJ Jones tosses the keys down into the sewer and asks around if the saw Lance Fiennes. A taxi driver said he took a man matching Lance's descrpition to the train station. Hopefully DJ Jones thinks, he can catch up with Lance Fiennes. After a 20 minute drive and $70 later, DJ Jones and Philip arrive at the train station. Once inside they begin to search for Lance Fiennes. After spotting Lance sitting impatiently waiting for his train, DJ Jones and Philip discuss a plan. They calmly walk up behind Lance and than DJ Jones nails Lance in the back of the head. Using Philip as a weapon, DJ launches Philip in the air and Philip comes down upon Lance executing a Shooting Penguin Press (Shooting Star Press). DJ Jones than executes a 180 degree corkscrew senton off of a nearby bench and covers Lance Fiennes. A referee just coming back off vacation from the Carribean, sees the pin and counts. 1...2...3. DJ Jones grabs his title and Philip and boards the train bound for Miami Florida.
As the train draws ever closer to Miami, Jones cannot help but to keep looking over to the man sitting in front of him. He is in a black trenchcoat with his face covered up by the newspaper. A voice is heard over the loudspeakers.
Voice: Ten minutes til Miami folks...
Suddenly the man jumps at Jones, but Jones quickly jumps out of his seat. The man reveals himself to be Maddog and Jones climbs through a door on top of the train. Once up on top of the train, Jones tries walking, he makes it a little ways, then Maddog follows. Suddenly out of nowhere some real dramatic, action movie type music begins to play. Maddog and Jones look confused, but maddog, pulls out a batt and makes his way to Jones.
DJ Jones: Can't we talk about this?
Maddog: You know? If this were an action movie, I would give an incredibly evil villian's speech. But, since I've only got about five minutes to kick your ass, because I want it to be a cool fight, we can skip the speech a-
DJ Jones: -four minutes.
Maddog: Ah fuck it!
Maddog swings the bat and connects with Jones head, DJ falls onto the hard metal of the trains roof, and Maddog covers, then out from the door on top of the train comes Maddog's trusty midget. He counts the pin.
1,2,3
Maddog grabs his new belt and the train pulls into Miami. Maddog then makes his way to Orlando, then to Universal Studios...
[/size]
the inhabitants of this earth are of two sorts. those with brains, but no religion those with religion, but no brains
After DJ Jones comes to, he realizes that he has just lost his 24 Hour Combat Title. He remembers Maddog hitting him in the head and that's it. After climbing down off the train, DJ Jones finds Philip and continues his search for Maddog. Philip and DJ Jones hitch hike all the way to Orlando and find Universal Studies.
DJ: f**k**g figures a guy like Maddog would come to a place for kids.
Philip: (Penguin sound)
DJ: Let's go little buddy.
DJ and Philip enter Universal Studios and hunt for Maddog. They finally find him getting his picture taken with the numerous comic book heroes and villians. DJ Jones and Philip stand and watch as Maddog tries to grab the buttocks of the Rogue impersonator and watch as Maddog recieves a slap across the face. Laughing, DJ Jones and Philip notice Maddog who notices them. Maddog runs through the park with his trusty midget while DJ Jones and Philip give persuit. After finally chasing Maddog all around the park, DJ Jones finally corners him in CartoonLand. While the stare down is intense, all four combatants (Maddog and his midget and DJ Jones and Philip) know this is serious. Maddog's midget comes out first and calls out Philip. Philip happily agrees and a small tussle begins between the two fo them. Philip pecks the forehead of the midget and the midget falls down. While the midget is on his knees, Philip waddles behind him and starts to hump him. Scared the little midget runs and takes refuge behind Maddog's leg. Philip, victorious, hops up and down waving his wings frantically.
DJ: I think Philip likes him?
Maddog: Shut up. Why did he hurt my little friend?
DJ: Mating season.
Maddog:Oh.
DJ Jones and Maddog run at each other but do not collide. Instead they stop in front of each toher and yell in each other's faces. Philip and the midget stare on in a blank stare. Finally DJ Jones strikes Maddog right across the face with a vicious right hook. Spit goes flying as Maddog's head snaps to the left. Maddog responds with a kick to the "jimmy" and a severe European Uppercut. Blows are traded back and forth until DJ Jones pushes Maddog down to the ground. Seeing this, Maddog's midget charges and jumps attaching himself to DJ Jones's "jimmy" (Mini me from Austin Powers in the space station) DJ Jones frantically tries to get the midget off, but to no prevail. In between cries of agony Maddog takes advantage and gets a couple of shots to DJ Jones's face. Seeing his friend in trouble, Philip waddles toward the midget and bites him in the butt. After the midget releases his hold, Philip begins chasing him again. When Maddog tries to throw a left hook, DJ Jones blocks and executes his patented Downfall finisher. As DJ Jones looks around for a referee, Philip scares a couple with their two children. The man, noticing DJ Jones and Maddog, explains he is a referee for the FCW (Florida Championship Wrestling). DJ Jones thanks him for the advice, but a referee comes hobbling along and sees Maddog unconscious on the ground. DJ Jones than covers Maddog. 1...2...3.
After the victory DJ Jones and Philip pose for some pictures and sign a couple of autographs. On the way back to the train station, Philip starts going nuts. DJ Jones knows why. DJ Jones buys Philip a plane ticket for New York. DJ Jones buys a train ticket for Los Angeles. Before they left on their seperate ways, DJ Jones and Philip have a final heart to heart.
DJ: Here you go man. New York. Go back to Crazyman. Tell him I'm sorry for stealing you.
Philip: (Penguin sound)
DJ:Well go now. Your plane is gonna leave soon.
Philip: (Penguin sound)
DJ Jones and Philip give a final hug good bye and leave their seperate ways. DJ Jones is heard mumbling something under his breath.
DJ: (Tearfully) I'm gonna miss that bastard.
DJ Jones boards his train and heads to Los Angeles. Once DJ Jones is Los Angeles, he gets shot and he is transported to the local hospital.
Post by Lance Fiennes on Jul 17, 2007 5:27:08 GMT -6
At the local hospital, he ends up on the operating table. This bodes well for Lance Fiennes, who has good ties with the surgical world since his deceased father was a surgeon himself. Lance dresses himself up in the surgical gear and walks into theatre where he places a hand on a drugged DJ Jones. One of the countless surgeons in the cramped room then tears off his upper shirt to reveal a referee's top. He counts.
1...
2...
3!!!
Lance takes the Combat title dangling from the operating table and makes off with it. Taking off his surgical gear, he then heads to a bus and takes it to the inner city...
Post by "The Elite" Jay Cee on Jul 17, 2007 10:12:28 GMT -6
Lance is sitting on the bus looking out the window when he gets a tap on the shoulder. Lance not really caring looks up and see's a man in a bus conductors uniform.
Bus conductor: Tickets please.
Lance: Yeah, go do one.
The bus conductor asks again a bit more agressively.
Bus Conductor: Sir, I said tickets please.
Lance: Can't you see I am.....
Lance looks up only to see its Jay Cee in the uniform. Jay grins and smashes Lance over the face with what seems like a ticket machine. Jay then picks Lance up and throws him head first through the window as the bus stops.
Everyone on the bus is looking at Jay and Jay just tips his hat at everyone.
Jay: NO TICKET.
Everyone on the bus all quickly get out their tickets and show Jay. Jay just grins and dives out the window. For no reason what so ever a referee is there and counts Lances shoulders down.
1...
2...
3...
Jay looks at Lance as he picks up the title.
Jay: How do you like me now....bitch.
Jay is about to run off but see's a Subway. quite fancying a melt, he pops in and orders a Turkey and ham melt with extra cheese.
While Jay Cee is sitting there, enjoying his meal, DJ JOnes comes strolling in. Hi body hurts from teh surgery and he was in the mood for subway. He orders his food, a 12" meatball sub with pickles and parmesan cheese. Sitting down to eat, DJ Jones notices Jay Cee sitting on the opposite side of the establishment. DJ Jones decides to be a nice guy until after Jay Cee is done eating. After about 20 minutes, DJ Jones goes over to Jay Cee and gives him a hard pat on the back. The force of the blow forces Jay Cee to start choking. DJ Jones acting quickly, grabs Jay Cee in a rear waistlock and performs the Heimlich maneuver. After a couple of unsuccessful attempts, Jay Cee finally coughs up the food. DJ Jones patiently waits for Jay Cee to finish eating. When Jay Cee is finsihed he uses his Subway tray to bash DJ Jones in the head. DJ , infuruated, grabs Jay Cee and throws him into the soda machine. DJ Jones than charges and Jay Cee ducks, letting DJ Jones go crashing head first into the soda machine. Seizing the oppurtunity, Jay Cee grabs a baby high chair and proceeds to try and basah DJ Jones's brains out. Before he can even get a swing in, DJ Jones grabs the seltzer hose and sprays the liquid into Jay Cee's eyes. Blinded Jay Cee frantically writhes around until DJ Jones puts him to sleep with Dominance. A referee who was working part time as a SUbway sandwich worker, hops over the counter and raises Jay Cee's arm. 1. The arm falls down. 2. The arm falls down. 3. The arm falls down and the referee awards the match and title to DJ Jones. Before leaving DJ Jones makes a comment about how the other customers were bitches. DJ Jones hates LA so he decides to get "out of dodge". Thinking he finally comes up with an idea.
DJ: I'll go where only Joey Orsome would go in California. San Francisco.
Crazyman has spent the last day trying in vain to convince the general public that he is a human being and not the latest addition to the zoo's collection of animals. But because people are generally stupid, he's had little luck.
Finally, an old friend appears to help him out...
Crazyman: Philip! God, I never thought I'd see you again!
Philip convinces a zoo keeper to let Crazyman go. Crazyman gets over the fact that a penguin had better luck talking to these fools than he did fairly quickly.
Crazyman: Philip, it's great to see you!
Philip: *penguin noises*
Crazyman: That's amazing. Hmm... there's no way of knowing if DJ Jones still has the title. I'll give Mac a call - he'll have been keeping tabs on the belt.
Crazyman dials President Mac's office.
Mac: Hello?
Crazyman: Mac, it's Crazyman. Do you know where the 24 Hour Combat title is right now?
Mac: Of course.
Crazyman: ... Can you tell me?
Mac: No.
Crazyman: Aww, come on!
Mac: No.
Crazyman: Come on!
Mac: No.
Crazyman: Come ooooonnnnn!
Mac: Well, if you put it that way... DJ Jones has the belt. He's gone to San Francisco. I'm pretty sure he believes no EWC wrestler is comfortable enough in his sexuality to follow him.
Crazyman: Well, he's wrong there!
Mac: ... That's wonderful. Hey, what's this rumour I keep hearing about how you stole a penguin from some airline company? If I find out you've been running around with a God damn penguin for the last week, I'm gonna-
Crazyman hangs up before Mac can finish.
Crazyman: Well, Philip, I have to go to San Francisco.
Philip: *Happy penguin noises*
Crazyman: No Philip. This is a journey I have to make alone. You have to make your own way now.
Philip and Crazyman share one last long yet manly hug before Crazyman heads to the airport. Philip is sad, but his mood soon brightens when he discovers he is the only male in a twenty-strong flock of penguins at the Central Park Zoo.
Using his Frequent Flyer miles, Crazyman hops on a plane to San Fran. Upon landing, he asks himself one question: if I was hiding from a bunch of wrestlers, where would I go?
Twenty minutes later, Crazyman is in the biggest gay disco on the West coast. Good thing Crazyman likes ABBA, or this could have been a lot harder. He finds DJ Jones hiding under a table in the far corner. Pulling him out, Crazyman suplexes DJ onto the table, then nails him with a DDT. A transvestite in a referee shirt makes the count - 1, 2, 3. Crazyman leaps up and runs towards the exit with the title in his hand. The clubbers applaud him as he leaves.
Crazyman: Thank you! You motherfuckers keep reaching for that rainbow!
Liza Minelli Impersonator: YEAH!!
Crazyman races up the street...
TBC
Last Edit: Jul 17, 2007 14:45:52 GMT -6 by Crazyman
Sig by Maddog
Two Time Television Champion
Current United States Champion
Singles: 22-9-1 Tags: 8-6-0
Post by Lance Fiennes on Jul 17, 2007 20:00:39 GMT -6
But as he reaches the top of the street, he meets a clothesline out of nowhere from Joey Orsome in his usual nightly tranny gear.
Orsome- "That's for bringing a penguin into MY club!"
He storms off with his glittering handbag dangling to the side as his RI ally Lance Fiennes just happens to be jogging by. He stares at Orsome in shock at this revelation (sure, he knew certain other closeted facts about Mr. Orsome, just not this), then shakes his head and turns to see a dazed Crazyman lying on the road. A car comes speeding out of nowhere then, Crazyman looks up, sees that he has no chance to move aside, and faints. Lance however does the heroic thing... and throws a brick at the nearing car. The bricks smashes through the windshield and hits none other than the driver Jay Cee over the head. Jay twists around and crashes into a telephone pole as Lance pins the fainted Crazyman on the street.
A referee materialises out of thin air and counts.
1...
2...
3!!!
Lance takes the combat title belt, drags Crazyman into a river, and then hops on a cruiseship thanks to the immediate luxury afforded by his celebrity status, to none other than Hawaii.
DJ Jones decides to take a vacation. He calls up his one friend from the Marine Corps. and asks if he can come visit.
Friend: Sure. When you gonna be here?
DJ: A couple of hours. I'll get on the next flight.
Friend: Cool. See you when you get here.
DJ Jones than leaves Orsome's club, after a couple of bodies pile up on the floor mysteriously, and heads to the airport. DJ Jones orders a round trip ticket to Hawaii and waits to board his plane. Once in the air, DJ Jones begins talking with this cute Hawaian girl. She invites hiim and his friends to a bar-b-que later that. DJ Jones gladly excepts and can't wait to land. Once they land, DJ Jones is greeted by a couple of men in USMC digital cammies. A couple are wearing Military Police gear, a couple are not. After introductions and welcomes are finished, all eight men pile into cars and drive towards Kanehou Bay USMC military base.
After washing up and waiting for his friends to get off work, DJ Jones waits patiently for the day to end and night to come. After his friends are off work and ready to go, DJ Jones gives them directions to the bar-b-que. After having a few beers and some delicious Hawaiian food, DJ Jones thinks he is seeing things.
DJ: Hey Joe, is that who I think it is?
Joe: Where.
DJ: (pointing) There.
Joe: Yeah' that's Lance Fiennes. Why?
DJ: Nothing.
DJ Jones walks over past Lance, who doesn't realize him because he more interested in a very cute Hawaiin girl, and gets another beer. On his way back DJ Jones smiles at his friends and than breaks the beer bottle over Lance's head. The Hawaiin girl screams and all the men in the establishment go to break up the fight, but Joe and DJ Jones's other friends intervene. After a good brawl, DJ Jones hits a DDT on top of a picnic table and throws Lance into the beer bucket. Lance answers back by throwing ice into DJ Jones's face and hits a big spear. DJ, noticing the 24 Hour title would escape him, plays possum and waits for Lance to turn his back. DJ Jones than locks in the Dominance and a referee from the local Hawaiin Wrestling Federation counts the submission. Turns out the referee was a part time referee if EWC ever came to Hawaii. DJ picks up his title and looks at Joe.
DJ: Isn't this disturbing the piece?
Joe: Yup.
Joe gets on the phone and talks to the on duty MP's. Within five minutes the MP's are there and place Lance Fiennes in custody. After Lance is taken away in custody, DJ Jones and his friends finish the night drinking. The next day DJ Jones leaves Hawaii and heads to the Dakota's and sits atop Mt. Rushmore.
Post by Lance Fiennes on Jul 18, 2007 20:20:21 GMT -6
Lance Fiennes is set loose within the hour as the authorities realise that A. Lance Fiennes is a badass celebrity, and B. DJ Jones is in fact the wanted criminal of the two. They slap their heads in self-admitted stupidity, then give Lance a free ride to Dakota. Not that Lance knows DJ Jones is in fact there... he just feels like going there.
When he reaches his destination, he bids farewell to the feds and decides to go on a touristy thing up Mt. Rushmore. He reaches the top and sees DJ Jones sitting there, meditating like an ass. His combat title slumps over his thigh. Lance sneaks up behind him and snatches the belt. DJ Jones turns around, irritated and willing to get his title back, but Lance smacks the belt against his face. Lance then calls on his tourguide: a referee, to count the pin at the summit.
1...
2...
3!!!
Lance takes the belt, takes a piss on Roosevelt's head, and then runs off, grabbing a nearby helicopter and hitching it to Canada...
DJ Jones wakes up on top of Mt. Rushmore. He looks around and Lance Fiennes is nowhere to be seen. He asks the tourguide/referee where Lance went to. Canada. The only thing tha he can think about is getting his title back. DJ Jones finds a car, drives up to the border, and takes his first step on Canadian soil. DJ Jones hunts all the big cities until he finds out that Lance is in Toronto. DJ finally finds a place that Lance is hiding. On his way to beat the tar out of Lance, he runs into Trish Stratus. The two immediately hit it off and Trish helps DJ Jones get his title back. Trish walks up to Lance and says she reminds him of a wrestler she used to manage. All of a sudden DJ Jones whacks Lance in the leg with a chair and starts to kick him while he is down on the ground. After a serious beating, Lance is a bloody mess. A referee, whom lives in Toronto, walks in and sees DJ Jones lock in his Dominance submission. After DJ Jones wins the match, he takes Trish behind closed doors for a quick couple minutes and than has her drive him to the US/Canada border. DJ Jones kisses Trish good bye and crosses over the border. Once over the border, DJ Jones turns around and yells,
DJ: Damn Canadian women. Your stupid enough to screw anything.
After the statement is made, DJ JOnes buys a plane ticket and heads to Miami. A nice relaxing trip to the beach would be nice.
Post by "The Elite" Jay Cee on Jul 19, 2007 1:53:52 GMT -6
00C-First off ha ha for the couple minute screw job
DJ Jones is relaxing in the plane playing his PSP when a hot air stewardess comes over and starts talking to the now excited DJ.
The two hit it off and DJ can't belive his luck at getting two girls in one day.
She whispers in his ear to meet him in the toilet in 5 minutes. Not being able to wait DJ gets up and runs to the toilet and pulls the door open.
Sitting on the toilet is Jay Cee taking a crap and reading a paper. He looks up at the rude interuption and DJ realises what is going to happen.
Jay gets up and grabs DJ Jones and shoves his head down the toilet. He keeps his head down there until he loses concoiusness(not dead) and pulls him out. The air hostess comes back and it was just a female looking male referee dressed. He checks DJ and sees he in done and awards Jay the winner.
Jay is handed the title and tells the referee to get DJ out so he can carry on taking the crap and just sits back down and carries on reading his paper.
The plane decideds to make a detour and it lands in the North Pole.
Post by Lance Fiennes on Jul 19, 2007 10:54:01 GMT -6
In the North Pole, global warming melts the ice beneath his feet, and Jay Cee falls into the freezing water where he freezes up.
Lance is there on a scientific expedition when he pulls Jay out of the water and pins his frozen body against the not-melted icy ground. One explorer (doubling as a referee) makes the count.
1...
2...
3!!!
Lance thaws the combat title out of Jay Cee's grasp and then blowdries Jay until the ice is melted. He lies there shivering as Lance takes his plane and flies off to Jerusalem.
Beth Harte just happened to be vacationing in Jerusalem, when she saw Lance walking down on the street below. She leapt off of the balconey of her second floor hotel room and landed on top of Lance in a pinning position. A random Israeli/referee made the count:
1..2...3!
Beth grabbed the title and ran off to a secret doorway which lead udnerground to the land of the Molepeople.
As Cameron Hayden 2x EWC World Heavyweight Champion EWC World Tag Team Champion EWC Rampage Television Champion EWC Hall of Fame Inductee As Beth Harte EWC United States Champion
Hearing rumors of mythical cities and creatures one day in an Irish pub, DJ Jones decides to make these claims false or true. He goes online and finds out about mole people living under Jerusalem. He studies as much as he can. He learns the language, the customs, and rituals. After a couple days of studying he heads off to Jerusalem. After finding the hidden doorway to the underground city of the mole people, he (figuratively) grabs his balls and heads on in. After walking down a long spiral staircase/passage he reaches the bottom and the entrance to the Mole City.
Once inside DJ Jones remembers his knowledge of mole people. He speaks with them and they tell him another land walker has come to there hidden city. DJ Jones asks to be taken to her and finds out it is Beth Harte. They have made Beth there quenn. She is ravished by all her servants. Upon seeing DJ Jones, she immediately places him under arrest. The mole people ask what is to be done and she tells them. The crowd gets excited and starts to carry DJ Jones off.
DJ: Beth, you told them to feed me to you. They are gonna kill me and cook me. You bitch.
Not wanting an innocent man's blood on her hands, Beth tells them to stop. This angers the mole people, but the y listen to their queen. After leaving Beth and DJ Jones alone, the mole people leave and resume their everyday activities. Once alone DJ Jones and Beth Harte glare holes through each other. DJ is the first to attack. He lunges and grabs Beth's leg and throws her into a school boy pin. Beth kicks out. All of a sudden a referee materializes from the steam and makes sure this fight is kept legal. After trading blows, DJ jones finally kicks Beth Harte in the genital area.
DJ: Payback bitch, now we're even.
DJ than goes to lock in the Dominance, but Beth Harte steps on his toes. Infuriated, DJ Jones grabs Beth and body slams her onto the hard ground. DJ than climbs Beth's throne and executes a frog splash, but BEth blocks with her knees. After getting a couple of kicks in on DJ's skull. She locks in a sleeper hold. Fighting for breathe DJ Jones starts to fade.
1.....2......Just as the referee is about to drop DJ Jones's arm for the third time, he regains some strength. Fighitng out of the hold, DJ Jones turns Beth around and executes a reverse DJ DRIVER! After DJ covers, the materialized referee counts 1...2...3. DJ is than awarded the title and is about to leave. He remembered hearing some of the mole people saying they were going to release Beth's spirit and eat her. DJ grabs Beth and slings her over his shoulder and makes a mad dash for the stairway/passage that leads to above ground. After making the long climb, with both his 24 title and Beth Harte over his shoulder, DJ Jones starts to hear the angry mole people following. Beth Harte wakes up and starts freaking out. DJ calms her down and tells her what is happening. She agrees to co-operate with him to get out alive in return for a favor. After making it to the top and out the door, DJ JOnes and Beth Harte come face-to-face with the Iaraeli Army. DJ Jones tells them the mole people are after the two of them and they enter the passage way. Soon after bullets are heard firing from guns and animalistic roars of pain are soon followed. After both Beth Harte and DJ Jones are free and safe, Beth asks what the favor is. DJ Jones tells her to turn around and face the hill opposite of them. Beth agrees and turns around. DJ than tells her to bend over, and she does. Before Beth realizes she is facing down a hill and bent over, DJ Jones kicks her in the butt and she goes tumbling head over heels down the hill.
DJ:(Mumbling under his breath) Dumb bitch
After the onslaught to get his title back, DJ Jones feels the need to fly back to the USA and find the most haunted place in the world......the old Hospital for the Criminally insane in Ohio. The twist and turns of the old building would be perfect to hide in. Hope no one is afraid of a little ghosts?
Post by Lance Fiennes on Jul 20, 2007 7:10:25 GMT -6
DJ Jones hides in an old room where some random hung themselves because they were... uh... mad. He sits there in the corner, snickering to himself as he holds the belt close to him. Of course, after ten minutes, he starts to hear footsteps, and he gets a little curious. He went here because he didn't believe in ghosts... but heck, seeing is believing.
Then, the door swings open, and some dolt in a bed sheet runs in wailing for dramatic effect. DJ Jones screams and faints within about three seconds, and Lance pins DJ Jones. Then a ghost materialises of some referee dude, and he counts the pin.
1...
2...
3!!!
Lance takes the belt and lunges out the nearby window onto a well placed bike, the bedsheet flailing behind him as he throws it aside. He speeds off then to Idaho... because nothing's there...
After DJ Jones comes to, he realizes he was scared by some punk in a bed sheet. He quickly runs to the window and notices the bed sheet on the ground and motorcycle tracks in front of the bed sheet. Pissed and somewhat delusional, DJ Jones starts to see things. A ghost of a man materializes and starts talking to DJ. He tells him the man who stole his most prized possession, the 24 Hour title, has gone to a place where no on goes. DJ Jones sits and ponders this clue for a couple of minutes. Suddenly, as a lightning bolt would hit the ground, DJ knows where the assailant has gone. Idaho. Before leaving, DJ asks the ghost to accompany him. Turns out the ghost was a referee in a past lifetime. The ghost, who will be named Bob, and DJ Jones head off to Idaho.
When arriving in Idaho, and scaring the living color out of people, the search begins. As the two companions are searching, Bob gives a description to DJ about his assailant. After thinking who on the EWC roster would fit the description, it suddenly pops in his hand. Lance Fiennes! After several hours of searching, they find Lance sitting in a field of potatoes. While Lance is munching on potato spuds, DJ Jones sneaks up behind him. Waiting for Lance to have his mouth full of potatoes, DJ strikes. He slaps Lance on the back and Lance spits the spud out. As Lance turns around to see who assaulted him, DJ Jones hits him square in the jaw with a European Uppercut. After some impressive and innovative moves, including a jumping 360 degree Tornado DDT, a moonsault leg drop, and a Superman Powerbomb, DJ Jones hits a Downfall out of nowhere and than locks in the Dominance. The referee counts the submission as a victory. After DJ releases the hold, Lance gets up and looks at DJ Jones. All of a sudden the color leaves his body and his hair stands on end.
Lance: A g-g-g-g-ghost. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Lance turns around and runs off into the distance screaming like a little girl from a ghost. After Lance leaves, DJ and Bob decide on where to head. Bob suggests Lake Placid New York.
A couple of hours later.....
DJ: The lake looks so peaceful Bob.
Bob: Just wait my friend........
All of a sudden a creature pops out of the lake and re-submerges under the water.